D1mps Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 What would you do? A year ago, I freed myself from a narcissistic relationship with a sex addict. I sought therapy and help from various sources in a bid to heal myself after the experience. One of the things i tried was joining an online forum where other people had been through similar situations... that's where i met my friend, who for privacy here, I will call Mr X. Mr X was very considerate and well educated. He was divorced from his wife and had custody of their only child due to her unstable personality. Mr X and i started exchanging daily for around a month or two in the forum and then moved it to a more personal level via text and phone. We would talk daily and it wasn't long before Mr X expressed he had feelings for me and wished to give our friendship some kind of a path. He pressed me on this a little bit as i was reluctant. Given i was still healing and we were from different parts of the world, i struggled to see how things could ever progress. Aside from that, I approached any man at this point, with great trepidation. Needless to say, Mr X reassured me it was possible to bridge a gap and we should try, but i just wasn't ready to trust yet. One reason being that i instinctively wondered if Mr X had been completely honest in some of the interractions and exchanges we had shared. Mr X and I had both sent family photos and although his seemed mostly legit, some photos he shared of himself as a young man, didn't quite fair up to his current appearance. He looked different, something he blamed on a bad case of ageing, but i remained skeptical. I expressed this concern to my friends whom also agreed it would appear to be more likely a son, or nephew in the images. However, Mr X had already expressed he only had one child, so i thought a nephew would be a more plausible explanation. Regardless, appearance really didn't matter to me at this point, but lies did! A week or so passed and i decided to ask him straight out. He denied the images were of anybody but himself. I also questioned his age (he said he was in late 40, but appears older), again he denied and reassured he was telling the truth. A magazine he was holding in one image, i had actually purchased myself. So given i recognised the cover, I knew the date of print and questioned them about this too. Again, Mr X denied it being anyone but himself. Cut a long story short, after a disagreement and Mr X deciding he was growing weary of my questioning and fear of being lied to, i decided to use what images and info i had and do some background checks on Mr X. Noe, I know some of you may find this intrusive, but if you knew what i had just gotten out of with the narcissist, you'd absolutely understand my need to do this... Needles to say, my checks validated my fears. Not only had Mr X lied about his surname, he also lied about his age and the fact he was married twice. He had two other grown children, one of whom was the young man in the photographs he shared with me,.passing them as his own. Goes without saying that at this point, i was seething! Mr X knew how i had been hurt and despite swearing honest intentions and me giving him several opportunies for him to come clean, he still continued to lie to me. I was devastated. We didnt speak for a few months until recently when i received an apology. I asked if we could talk about why he did these things and he said it was to protect his family... "From what"?! I wondered. "Me"? But id done nothing wrong to this man?! He expressed he had residual issues from his ex and had been a fool and apologised again... I was so angry about what he had done, i just went silent. We had a nice friendship despite these lies, but for a ehile, i struggled to see how i could move past what he did. During Christmas and new year, there were some small, superficial exchanges, greetings, along with more sincere apologies... I missed my friend very much at this.point. My question is, would you forgive someone who had done this and try to continue on a friendship? I did miss and think an awful lot of the person and believe everyone deserves a second chance, but is it the right thing to do in this situation? Or am i being a fool? I'd be very grateful for any input from you out there at this point. Thanks in advance. Link to comment
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