I love her. She likes me/

[tsa902]

I'm not sure whether this is the right place to post because we were essentially never 'together' but we were close to be.

I met this beautiful lady at the beginning of 2017.

She started to fall in love with me on April but I was too dumb to know.

We hit it off and chemistry was great and so was the intimacy. I confessed my feelings to her in August And she said that I should let her know when i'm ready for a relationship. Unfortunately, she had to go back overseas in September to personal/family issues which. She came back here and now lives another state away and starting school there. We are only 1 hour plane flight away.

 

 

We couldn't be together because of this because it would be too difficult at this time.

 

 

She arrived back in country last few weeks now. She is only 1 state away. While she was gone, We would always text each other. I guess i became too emotional because she is an unemotional person via text and I was getting frustrated. My issue is that I depended on her as my main social outlet because I didn't have many other friends to talk to. She said that she couldn't deliver equal and emotional response so she feels like a massive emotional burden and blocker.

 

I told her I needed time off to heal a heart break. She said "take as much time as I need and when you come back ill be here".

 

 

Look in short, I really do love this person to from the bottom of my heart. I do feel like I have things to work on, such as finding new social groups so that I dont have to rely emotionally and socially on one person. She said "Theres no way that my emotions can match up to yours and its unfair". She said she liked me but didn't love me and didn't want to hold my hand and guide me through the process of finding myself. She is currently studying at another state for 2 years. She might go back to Singapore then, so she doesn't want the same emotional pressure but stability instead.

 

There always room to grow as a person. And I want to grow and be the person for her. I don't want idealism but stability. I'm trying to open up my social circle and try to make new friends.

 

Any advice on how to save this?

Its been 2 days NC.

 

Im missing many information about the relationship. So ask any questions :)

[SherrySher]

Don't you think it is eventually going to cause you a lot of pain to know that she will never care for you like you want her to or how you feel for her?

[tsa902]

I know that she does care for me and she wants the best for me. Its just that shes not as emotional as I am when we are not close.

Its personal growth that really isnt matching, she feels like she is a lot older mentally than I am, and she wanted me to grow and stay in contact with her so that in time we would work out.

But currently as of now, we aren't a great match.

 

So I told her I needed some time.

[SherrySher]

I hope that you do have personal growth, for your own sake, (not for hers) and eventually find a woman who is head over heels in love with you.

 

This woman sounds like someone who could be a friend but if you put your hopes on it being more you might be in for a lot of hurt.

[MissCanuck]

I agree with Sherry.

 

This girl doesn't feel the same way about you, OP. What happens if you make all these positive changes and she still isn't interested?

[tsa902]

aw ok ):

Deep down i knew what you're implying but too scared for the truth.

I feel really sad and have some moments of anxiety.

I guess the answer is quite obvious now.

Thank you.

[SherrySher]

Don't be too sad, there will be someone else who eventually comes along that will love you and you will love her.

[Andrina]

I'm glad she gave you the feedback you need so that you're a better partner to someone else in the future. Always have an independent life besides your significant other. It's a healthier way to live, it makes you a more interesting person, and if the relationship fails, it's not the end of the world because you have another part of your life that is satisfying. If staying in contact with her feeds a false sense of hope and prevents closure, let her know you can't be friends for your own good. Also, your future love won't appreciate your continuing communication with an ex, especially one wherein you didn't want things to end. Good luck.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. What did she mean by "I should let her know when i'm ready for a relationship"? Did you push her away for some reason? At least she is being straight with you about things. All you can do is work on yourself and not dwell.

She said "Theres no way that my emotions can match up to yours and its unfair". She said she liked me but didn't love me and didn't want to hold my hand and guide me through the process of finding myself."

[tsa902]

Yeah, So my 1st ex promised me to that she will come back on my birthday 2 months after breakup in 2015.

For 2 years I had to deal with lots of things, such as holding onto that promise and never letting go. I resented girls and I knew this was bad for me.

 

So I was scared to have another r/s since, but this girl im talking about in this post made me let go of the hate for my ex. I started to let go of my resentment and just accept it and move on. Hence why she told me to let her know if I was ready for a relationship back last year in August.

 

 

I realized that I relied my emotionally and socially on her when she went back overseas which causes immense pressure on her. That's why she couldn't deal with my emotions. I know she likes me and that I'm very special to her, but deep down she cant be with me at my current state. And she was right about that. She said that when in time, god knows when,when we are both grown and if its time, she will chase me and make me fall in love with her.

 

 

I started to realize that it wasn't her fault that she cant match up to me in terms of emotions. Instead there was an issue in me which im yet to find out.

Im seeing a psychologist on Thursday to find unwrap the true cause of why i rely socially and emotionally on her and it could be loneliness, self identity, or fear. That I do not know completely yet.

 

I was advised by a friend of mine is to mentally let go of her and focus on myself for now. Now I would by lying if i said that 100% is based on myself. Currently, I feel like im 80% doing this for myself but that 20% is to bring her back. I dont know if this is bad or good. But I do like to have hope that once I find my true self, I would LOVE to try again with her.

 

We still maintain some contact, however not as much as before.

[Silverbirch]

I think the lady you like gave you good advice and is honest. You need to get on with things and get a life.