ThatwasThen Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 Well that's interesting because "Andrea" is a non factor.... I have never met up with her outside of work (we used to work together), and I haven't accepted her friend request on Facebook and have not talked (communicated) to her since that hour long phone call (I know how jealous my wife was because of it so, in an attempt to remove all outside factors, I have cut off all communication). So really there was nothing to give up. I don't think we are really comparing apples to apples.... plus, I never slept with her.Well, you're not telling her to give him up. She did tell you about her jealousy about Andrea. Why don't you tell her about your jealousy and insecurity when it comes to her FBuddy and ask her to do the same that you did for her? Your passiveness is getting you no where close to what you would like to see happen. Time to be open and honest with her about how this "friendship" makes you feel and what YOU want her to do about it. Link to comment
breener Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 Well, you're not telling her to give him up. She did tell you about her jealousy about Andrea. Why don't you tell her about your jealousy and insecurity when it comes to her FBuddy and ask her to do the same that you did for her? Your passiveness is getting you no where close to what you would like to see happen. Time to be open and honest with her about how this "friendship" makes you feel and what YOU want her to do about it. Solid point. Going to talk to her about it this weekend and suggest counselling. There are still some boundaries that she has crossed and is oblivious to (or doesn't care). Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 Hopefully it goes well. Good luck. Link to comment
sky09 Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 Very similar situation here. Guy is handling it like a boss so far: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=546740 Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 I don't see the similarities to this thread and that one in the least. Breener's wife does not work with her 'friend' for starters and there has been no confession of an affair like there has been in the linked thread. Breener, don't let that thread get your brain turning overtime. Link to comment
sky09 Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 I don't see the similarities to this thread and that one in the least. Breener's wife does not work with her 'friend' for starters and there has been no confession of an affair like there has been in the linked thread. Breener, don't let that thread get your brain turning overtime. Who cares if she doesn't work with those guys? She secretly meets with them behind op's back. For starters. Deletes conversations, refuses to stop contact, and completely lacks empathy. For the entree. All I'm saying is, be ready for anything, op. If you have access to her phone records, I'd see how many texts they've been exchanging. Link to comment
Pleasedonot5 Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 Well, you're not telling her to give him up. She did tell you about her jealousy about Andrea. Why don't you tell her about your jealousy and insecurity when it comes to her FBuddy and ask her to do the same that you did for her? Your passiveness is getting you no where close to what you would like to see happen. Time to be open and honest with her about how this "friendship" makes you feel and what YOU want her to do about it.Good advice, TWT. Link to comment
breener Posted February 1, 2018 Author Share Posted February 1, 2018 Good advice, TWT. Yes it is good advice. Going to have the conversation this weekend. Going to say something like this: "...Secretly meeting with your former lover has truly shaken my trust in you and our relationship. I feel disrespected and betrayed. For me to truly believe that you value me and our relationship, I would need to believe that you would put my feelings and the safety of our relationship above all else. Continuing to communicate with your former lover undermines my faith in us....." See what happens after that. Link to comment
Pleasedonot5 Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 Yes it is good advice. Going to have the conversation this weekend. Going to say something like this: "...Secretly meeting with your former lover has truly shaken my trust in you and our relationship. I feel disrespected and betrayed. For me to truly believe that you value me and our relationship, I would need to believe that you would put my feelings and the safety of our relationship above all else. Continuing to communicate with your former lover undermines my faith in us....." See what happens after that.I advise you keep it simple and lessen the dramatic language - what I've been saying since the beginning. "Can we talk? I would like to express some feelings about us. I am upset that I feel you are placing a former flame over our marriage. Would you be open to seeing a counselor together so we can communicate about it in a neutral environment?" Something along those lines is less dramatic, less offensive, and less likely to incur hostility. Link to comment
breener Posted February 7, 2018 Author Share Posted February 7, 2018 I advise you keep it simple and lessen the dramatic language - what I've been saying since the beginning. "Can we talk? I would like to express some feelings about us. I am upset that I feel you are placing a former flame over our marriage. Would you be open to seeing a counselor together so we can communicate about it in a neutral environment?" Something along those lines is less dramatic, less offensive, and less likely to incur hostility. So we talked a lot and she seems deeply saddened at the amount of hurt this caused and said she won't engage in any communication at all with FWB buddy. She doesn't know why that relationship was so important that it led her to lie and calculate being deceitful. I think she "deep down" knows but isn't going to express why. We talked about counseling and we will revisit that this weekend when the house is a little more quiet. She's now going through a bout of insomnia so that has been tough... not too sure where that has come from. Not out of the words yet. Link to comment
Usa1ah Posted February 12, 2018 Share Posted February 12, 2018 Well, she has just put Mr. FWB, before you. She has shown you complete disrespect and she does not value your marriage. She should have immediately have blocked him. I support friends of the opposite sex, but she hid this from you. I strongly suggest marriage counseling. Don't be a doormat and allow this any longer. The deleting, lying and hiding meet ups, are a huge problem. Could not have said it better. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted February 12, 2018 Share Posted February 12, 2018 So we talked a lot and she seems deeply saddened at the amount of hurt this caused and said she won't engage in any communication at all with FWB buddy. Amazing what saying what you're actually feeling will accomplish. Glad you allowed yourself to become vulnerable to her and finally opened up about how you were feeling about her interaction with him. Good luck going forward. Link to comment
Usa1ah Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 Breener, ask her if you can try and recover the deleted text messages. There are apps out there that can do this. If she lets you great. If she doesn’t, then she is hiding the true nature of the relationship with the ex fwb. Link to comment
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