Began dating a younger female - any advice would be appreciated

[Yarmer]

I've been on a couple dates with this younger girl (24) me (29), and I've noticed I need to change my approach/expectations.

 

 

I've been on the dating scene for quite some time and have usually dated women around my age. Things usually go pretty well, but for one reason or the other, they don't work out. Older women are more eager to jump into relationships/early sex/ and no hesitancy to reach out. I usually find myself deep into the relationship early on and realize I skipped a couple steps in the building attraction realm.

 

The new girl (younger 24) I've been dating is so much more laid back. She is an artist, beautiful, cool, but a challenge. She doesn't flirt like older women do. Doesn't show she is interested with her eyes or touch but instead does with her communication and willingness to hang out. When I am with her I am a little frustrated because this is what I'm use to.

 

We've kissed and have a great time each date.

 

I met up with her and her friends and felt the distance more so than usual (maybe she felt awkward with her friends) HAHA I hate myself for being needy and wanting her attention but I'm extremely interested. I felt the need to turn the gathering up a notch and ordered tequila shots and everyone had a look of dread on their faces. The move was a bit aggressive but we laughed about it the next day.

 

What advice would you give dating someone younger?

[yatsue]

Being yet another 24 year old woman, my advice would be to slow your expectations. I definitely take my time with relationships.

 

Being young means you're not in a rush to start a family and are more geared towards your career or self improvement/establishment (house, goals, pets, finances). Whereas older women, not all, feel the baby fever coming on and rush more.

 

When I mean I take things slow, I mean years until a serious commitment would arise (like marriage, kids). I wouldn't even consider living together with someone until at least a year, minimum.

 

Now the shots...if it was in a bar setting and everyone is drinking already then I don't see the issue. If not, then yeah that's not a good move and a little 'try hard'. At least don't order tequila next time! Bleh!

[Clio]

You seem to have set preconceptions regarding older vs younger women. If you were frequenting places where people tend to hook up then the women you met there were more likely to behave that way regardless of age. Regarding this girl, I don't think that her approach is necessarily age related either. It could be that she is apprehensive about you being different from the type of guys she usually dates. If you gave off a player vibe, or you are in some other way "uncharted territory" then a smart woman would take their time getting to know you, regardless of age.

[SweetGirl28]

Doesn't seem like the age is the factor here, she's most likely just different in her approach that what

you have become accustomed to. And maybe that's a great thing :)

[Clio]

Being young means you're more geared towards your career or self improvement/establishment (house, goals, pets, finances). Whereas older women, not all, feel the baby fever coming on and rush more.

 

When you reach 29, which is what is being referred to as "older" by this guy, please re-read what you wrote here...LOL

[mustlovedogs]

When you reach 29, which is what is being referred to as "older" by this guy, please re-read what you wrote here...LOL

 

Agreed. Ugh.

 

Actually at 24 I was probably MORE ready for a serious relationship than I am now. Now I’m enjoying my independence and I’m finally getting rooted down in my career.

[Krankor]

29 and 24--a real May December romance here. Do you tell her stories about what it was like when phones were only 2g?

 

Sorry, couldn't resist. I'm 40, my last girlfriend was 35, and I never really thought of it as dating a "younger woman." Like others have suggested I think you are making too much of the minor age difference here. It just seems as if maybe her personality/approach is a little different than what you are used to. My advice; so far things sound as if they are going just fine. Try to relax and don't try to force things and good luck.

[yatsue]

Agreed. Ugh.

 

Actually at 24 I was probably MORE ready for a serious relationship than I am now. Now I’m enjoying my independence and I’m finally getting rooted down in my career.

 

Sorry, I rather have my life together as much as possible (full fledged rooted career, house, savings etc) before tying the knot and a baby, which means slower progressing relationships during mid-20s. While 24 isn't too far off from 29, the 5 years between that is a critical planning time for all of this.

 

Think of it, I was just out of college a couple years ago. Since then, I have been focusing on the things I mentioned. While I am on track, it will take several years for me to accomplish before I am ready to speed up my roll in terms of further relationship progression (I'm talking beyond being seriously committed to a partner and moving in together). Of course, I still have serious relationships but I am not going to rush it like some women do in their 30s (aka two years together then marriage, or a similar equivalent). I'm not even thinking of marriage until I'm at least 30 and that's quite a bit from now in terms of a relationship timeline.

 

It is undeniable women in their 30s get baby fever because they know the majority of women lose fertility in their 40s, so they tend to feel like they need to rush relationships more often than younger folk. Of course there are exceptions, but I've seen on here and in my culture this is prominent.

 

Basically, don't expect women in their 20s to move as fast as women in their 30s, most of the time.

[mustlovedogs]

That’s your experience. Mine is different.

[Wiseman2]

A 5 year difference is not really 'dating a younger woman'. The difference you are seeing is that you want to chase her instead of waiting for them to chase you. It's only been a couple of dates and seems to be going fine.

 

What did yo mean by this, did you feel uncomfortable with her friends?:

I met up with her and her friends and felt the distance more so than usual. I felt the need to turn the gathering up a notch and ordered tequila shots and everyone had a look of dread on their faces.

[Sportster2005]

Any differences you may have, probably aren't related to age. That's too small a difference.

[yatsue]

That’s your experience. Mine is different.

 

It seems in your experience you're at least a little worried about the pressure of time while approaching 30:

 

"It's that timing, Batya, that is a bit stressful. If I met someone today, I would still probably be 29 before I got married... So kids by 30 feels basically impossible (in terms of planned kids in marriage). That's a little scary."

 

While that feeling is normal and ok, it makes us concerned to do everything right before we lose that timeframe. Doing things 'the right way' ironically takes time and we move slower before we reach 30, after that the pressure is unfortunately on. Biology kicks in and it sucks because women know it. It is scary, although at my age I'm lax about it now....oh I just can't wait until 30 lol.

[mustlovedogs]

That was posted when I was single and desperate. Now I’m in my career and I’m happily single. Things change. That’s all I’m saying.

 

ETA - still single, not desperate. I was lonely and my self worth was tied to my singleness. That is no longer. My career is my priority now.

[yatsue]

Wonderful! I am truly glad. Hopefully other women will follow example and I will see less of those situations, on here and IRL.

[Yarmer]

I didn't feel uncomfortable at all. I was just trying to have fun with everybody...so I bought some shots....I wasn't getting much attention(a day after my original op I realize I was overreacting)

 

I don't want to chase and I don't want her to chase me. I want it to be mutual.

[Yarmer]

Just gonna relax a little more and remove any expectation. When things go well, enjoy them but don't expect every time to be that way.

[Yarmer]

Update advice needed.

 

We went on another date after my previous posts but I'm still little confused.

 

I called her and invited her to go to a hockey game and she was very excited and said she had never been to one before. The date went well. It was very relaxed and we laughed. When it was time to leave her house she walked me outside and said she had fun and asked what I was doing this weekend. We briefly kissed. She said she has friends in town but wanted to get together on Sunday (date was on a Thursday). So I didn't text her all weekend knowing she was with her friends. She didn't communicate either. Sunday rolls around and I call her to invite her for a walk.and she doesn't pick up. Texts back and says she's working. She sends a snap too soon after showing herself working. We text some afterwards but I was disappointed. I really wanted to see her Sunday and was banking on it.

 

How do I go about asking her out again? Wait a couple days or see if she makes a move to hang out? It's been like 4 dates.

 

I'm not use to the slow play dating game. I can't tell if she's into it and it's driving me nuts. Haha

[Wiseman2]

Just ask her out for next weekend. In advance. Don't play waiting games or who asks first or who texts first games.

How do I go about asking her out again? Wait a couple days or see if she makes a move to hang out?