TheG Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 Greetings fellow ENotAloners First of all I would like to express my gratitude for this platform The story: so I'm back in the relationship game again after taking a break and learning more about myself, weaknesses and past mistakes. Recently got into a relationship (1 month now). I'm really liking this girl and all in all I think she's a really good match for me but we are struggling from the same issue each time, trust issues So she questions me a lot about other girls and it gets really bad at times. She will jump to her own conclusions and get really emotional over them. But I have been understanding and also have had some doubts of my own. I have dismissed my doubts because I realise that most of them are just an overreaction and in my dating break I have learnt not to allow negative thoughts too much and just allow things to play themselves out. Like there was a time a guy called her phone while I was there and she didn't pick up and she told me some story. I gave her the benefit of the doubt So I recently came from a new years trip in Brazil and we met up back at home today. The date with her went terribly. It was filled with me having to defend myself about what i was doing in Brazil. I told her I just talked with the girls there and that's it. (no kissing or touching or sex) which was true. But I had been flirting and I revealed that and she considered me flirting all the way in Brazil, as cheating. She got all emotional until I calmed her down. The date stabilised until something happened that really bothered me. I asked us to take a selfie and she wouldn't after asking her a couple of times she said "I don't know who you are sending it to". That statement really got me thinking and from them the date was over and I was upset. That is really suspicious behaviour. We didn't talk the whole trip back to her home and I find that as guilty behaviour from her side to not even try to explain why After really thinking about everything I thought could the reason why she puts so much emphasise on faithfulness be that she herself is not being faithful. Is there someone whom she would not want for him to see her and I together (selfie) ? I have confronted her saying that I suspect that there is something she should sort out and if my suspicions are wrong we are good. She replied that she hates it when I speak like that (wasn't really am effective answer). I then apologised and left it at that She was previously engaged-a year ago. Said the guy was a compulsive liar. But I dunno the selfie thing is really strange and she was adamant about not taking it. I suspect she doesn't want the ex or even another option to see it. Are my suspicions valid? I know there's no right answer to this but just some external insight would be helpful Thank you guys! Link to comment
DanZee Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 My friend, it doesn't matter why she's a jealous wreck, but she is going to make your life a living hell if you decide to stick it out with her. This is a classic story of how she is trying to control and manipulate you by constantly accusing you of cheating to get you to withdraw from your friends and to be subservient to her. She even tried to ruin your time in Brazil by telling you you cheated just because you partied with some girls. You should run away from this girl now. You're never going to overcome her trust issues. Link to comment
milly007 Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 It doesn't sound like either of you are ready for a relationship, and especially with each other. She's suspicious and questions your fidelity. You told her that you were flirting with other women during your trip to Brazil. And now you're questioning her loyalty to you. I'm not quite sure what you two are getting out of this relationship. It sounds tiring and very unfulfilling. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 You’re just one month in... why put up with this??? Link to comment
TheG Posted January 7, 2018 Author Share Posted January 7, 2018 My suspicions are basically fuelled by her constant accusations. Some sort of "guilt projection" from her side Link to comment
TheG Posted January 7, 2018 Author Share Posted January 7, 2018 A relationship is meant to be worked on? Apart from this insecurity she has everything I would want in a woman Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 A relationship is meant to be worked on? Apart from this insecurity she has everything I would want in a woman Well then, what advice are you seeking from us? I personally would not tolerate this crap. I dated a man like this, and it only got worse. I too wondered if his accusations were actually projection and if he was the one behaving badly - turned out I was right. Also, knowing how she is, what were you doing flirting with other girls in Brazil? Not a very wise move on your part under the circumstances. This "insecurity thing" is a big issue, and if she's this bad at just one month, you are in for quite the ride. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 A relationship is meant to be worked on? Apart from this insecurity she has everything I would want in a woman There should be nothing to work on this early. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 A relationship is meant to be worked on? Not when you are having that much trouble at only one month together. You're a desperate and foolish man (IMO) if you keep trying to work on a relationship with this girl. She is unstable. Apart from this insecurity she has everything I would want in a womanLike what might that be that you would put up with her insanity? Link to comment
Imho Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 A relationship is meant to be worked on? Apart from this insecurity she has everything I would want in a woman The only good thing about this post is that she is showing you who she is whereas most people try to hide their true selves during the initial dating phase. This is not healthy and it is not going to get better. She doesn't trust, jump to conclusions and now she is causing you to become suspicious. Again, not healthy. Yes, relationships require work but a month is not a relationship. It's time designated toward getting to know an individual and liking as well as enjoying what you are learning about them. You deserve better. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Other than the fact that she's a jealous, unstable, suspicious control freak she's great!!! I mean, really? Don't you want better for yourself? Link to comment
TheG Posted January 14, 2018 Author Share Posted January 14, 2018 I appreciate the input from everyone here and it has made me look more critically into the situation And after a couple of tests that I conducted I came to a decision that she really was the one fooling around and casting her guilt on me. It socks but luckily I picked it up early and was able to end things while they were fresh I ended things on our way back from our final date and she didn't have anything to say and guess what happened, instead of me dropping her at home she told me to drop her off at some bus stop in her neighbourhood. I guess someone else was gonna pick her up from there... Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 I ended things on our way back from our final date and she didn't have anything to say and guess what happened, instead of me dropping her at home she told me to drop her off at some bus stop in her neighbourhood. I guess someone else was gonna pick her up from there...... or she was just too upset to continue driving with you when you broke up with her that she needed to get away. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 Apart from this insecurity she has everything I would want in a woman Translation: She's hot and great in bed. As said by many men involved with insecure "psycho" chicks like this one. ETA: Just read you ended it. Best of luck. Link to comment
TheG Posted January 15, 2018 Author Share Posted January 15, 2018 Hot? Really hot Good in bed? I wouldn't know I'm celibate But seriously she has a really high EQ, she's funny, mentally engaging, independent (always offers to make things easier for me like go half half or get transport to my place instead of me fetching her) useful around the house (cleaning) We had a crush on each other all the way in primary school (11 years ago) but stopped talking in between. It really seemed like she was in love with me... But hey if things were meant to be they will be Link to comment
TheG Posted January 15, 2018 Author Share Posted January 15, 2018 Check my reply to Katrinas post Link to comment
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