The difficulty of moving on

[No1]

You miss having someone there for you. You were in a LDR for 2 years. What was good was that you knew you had someone to think of and they reciprocated by thinking of you. You always had someone there and that was a nice security blanket because you knew you were not alone.

Well, its gone now that I know that hurts. I know you are missing being able to pick up the phone or go to the computer and reach out. Share your day or your thoughts and yeah, I know how bad that is, been there and got the trophy.

I know you miss her, but you also miss the feeling of being thought of and wanted. And that can be had again with the next wonderful girl you meet. Every day that goes by is a day closer to meeting her and at some point you have to stand up and dust yourself off and say okay, Im ready. Then you move forward. If your X reaches out like she did recently. Dont let it get to you. If you knew it was for her benefit and not yours then it would be easier to deal. She does care for you but she wants to ease her guilt by seeing if you were okay. You are going to be more than okay. You are going to get healthy and you will find someone who will add to your happiness and you will add to hers. Its okay to let her go, I promise you will meet someone again.

[Broke123]

Hey Guys ,

 

It's been some time, around 11 months? I think since I last posted on here. I have done much since then, been walking and getting a lot stronger this year physically. Went travelling on my own and met some cool people. Just basically trying to move on with life. I am back working since the start of the year which has really been positive for me.

 

I guess no contact really was working out for me. Apart from the odd Happy Birthday message sent between us, it was something I could deal with.

 

Then this week she messaged me - she wanted to meet up so we could swap some old clothes that were hers and mine that we still have...also it seems she is still in the country. I actually kind of assumed she would have left by now, as she only moved here for educational purpose...I guess that bothers me if she has ended up staying. Because we had looked forward to being together in the same country for the two years we were together...and I suppose also that she lives pretty nearby now, as opposed to 1000s miles away like when we were together...

 

Anyway, I just wonder why in the heck ex's ask to meet up? I mean it really spun me out, it hit me quite badly actually, because I guess maybe I am not completely over what happened, even after a year and half, and also I guess I am scared of being hurt by any information I might receive about her or from her. It sounds ridiculous but as much as my friends tell me to block her number, that's just not who I am. Clearly I still care for someone I once loved very much.

 

I am STILL not ready to see her, and as discussed before, I know that WOULD NOT be good for me - if i react with panic attacks and distress just from receiving a message from her, I can't imagine how it would be if i see her! Anyway, just a quick update and I suppose a call for some insight into this/ support that I am not crazy for still being like this

 

Ugh I wish I could also understand how to actually get over her fully, it does not help to know that we are still living nearby to each other...

 

I've been doing pretty good, but receiving this message is like reality hitting me again and then it stirs up all these emotions

 

She's probably just wanting to clear her guilt or something...who knows, who cares? I certainly should not...but for some reason I let it bother me, so I suppose I still do?

[boltnrun]

You do know how to fully get over her but you say that's not who you are , so...

 

You can count on getting spun every so often when she messages you.

 

I don't know why you would choose to do this to yourself, but I have to presume you're still hoping to get that "Please, I made a terrible mistake!" message.

[Broke123]

Yep - maybe you're right...but I loved her very much at one point in my life...it's very difficult to cut someone completely out. I know it may be simple to some...for me it just isn't. I think I would be really hard on myself for doing that. Because I hope maybe some time, once I am completely healed then maybe I could meet up...I think that's why.

[boltnrun]

I didn't say it would be "simple". But all things worthwhile require effort. Sometimes very difficult, painful effort.

 

As long as you refuse to let go you will continue going through this.

 

Only you can decide when it's time to do what's best for you. Even if it hurts for a while.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. Did you reply to the message? Do you want any of these "old clothes" of yours? If not, can you just send her her stuff without having to see her?

Then this week she messaged me - she wanted to meet up so we could swap some old clothes that were hers and mine that we still have.

[Broke123]

Hi Wiseman2

Yes I basically said i was too busy, didn't need my stuff and offered to send it but she said she's going home for Christmas and wouldn't get it in time so she asked if she can get back in touch in the new year

To me this suggests that she has guilt maybe that she needs to get rid of - for me it wouldn't be good mentally to meet up

I suppose what I am wondering is - Is it crazy than I'm still so cut up after a year and a half?