How to proceed after several dates with a girl? (topic continuation)

[bbogdanov]

The title sounds a bit stupid, but anyway... Many of you know about my struggle with women and here I talk about a particular girl - the one from my last topic, which got closed (because of too much offtopic I guess...) [https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=544827]

 

After having heard nothing from her for two weeks (I haven't rejected her, as someone said in the previous topic), I decided I should try at least once more (in fact, I was the one feeling somewhat rejected because of her words during our last date). I told her explicitly that I didn't feel offended and there wasn't any problem when she apologized twice after our last date, but I guess that wasn't enough for her to continue the conversation then...

 

We exchanged couple of messages and she asked me out (I am a man but I too like to be asked out sometimes : D). We went to a restaurant and had a dinner. It turned out she had really thought I'd been offended and angry at her, no matter I'd told her twice that there wasn't any problem. I should've shown her that with my actions, not words, so... Note taken.

 

We had a pleasant evening, this time I wasn't nearly as touchy as before, so I hope now most of you will be pleased : D There was just an occasional touch from me on her thigh when joking, for example. No hugs, kisses, hands holding or whatever. She even put her bag between us from the very beginning and when I asked her how could I hug her and be more intimate with her that way (of course, saying it playfully like some joke), she replied that she doesn't like to behave like that in front of other people.

 

The evening went by and I drove her to her car with mine. We talked there for couple more minutes and she had to go. I told her goodbye and hugged her. I couldn't resist and kissed her gently. No need to tell you it wasn't enthusiastic of her, just like last time We parted ways and I felt stupid again, because of pressuring her.

 

I messaged her the next day to tell her that I'd had a good time and to apologize if there was some inappropriate behaviour of mine. She said she had too enjoyed the date and we then did some small talk. I joked about us being boyfriend/girlfriend and that we have to kiss and touch each other first to which she replied that she was behaving that way because of not having experience with these things... As long as I remember, she's told me that her longest relationship was 5 years one and that it ended four or five years ago. Since then, the longest she's been with someone is like three months... Even if it's true, I don't see what experience she's talking about? Anyway...

 

I now want to get to know her better and I want to arrange more dates with her in the near future. How should i act? How often should I contact her? Where should I take her to (we go to restaurants every time and it gets boring)? All advices will be welcome as I don't have enough experience. Btw, my first dates counter got to 10. Ten first dates for less than six months... I feel more and more exhausted and already hate it...

[DanZee]

I read through your last posting and it seems that you are still pushing her too hard. She's had some relationship problems and you're coming on too strong. I don't think there's a love connection here. If there were some attraction she would be touching and flirting with you. She would also be texting you and going two weeks without texting. I think you should stop pursuing this girl and look for someone else to date.

[boltnrun]

I would seriously dial back the touching and kissing. Also dial back the references to "intimacy". You're trying to pass it through by saying you're "joking", but you aren't because you keep trying.

 

Why do you keep pushing this? If she isn't responding well to you kissing her, then give it a rest for a bit! And you "couldn't resist" kissing her? You absolutely could help it, you have 100% control over what you do or don't do.

 

If you want to continue dating her, dial it back. Seriously. Take her somewhere where you can keep your hands off of her and do NOT attempt to kiss her again. Let her take the lead on that because if you keep it up you're going to drive her away. And stop bringing up touching and kissing and "intimacy" in your conversations with her. It makes you sound like all you want is to get your hands on her and that's not the way to get someone to want to continue dating you.

[katrina1980]

OP, I am really confused.

 

Referencing your previous thread, despite this girl's clear interest in you, I was absolutely convinced you had lost interest in her after your second and last date.

 

Your own words practically screaming you had lost interest in her (opposing beliefs, lost attraction, etc) led me to that belief.

 

Others had accused you of having "issues" (commitment fears, wanting what you can't have, etc.) and I defended you saying you were just a guy trying to navigate the dating scene, some girls you like, some you don't, and "this" girl you did like at first but changed your mind, which was OK.

 

You agreed with me and thanked me for that post!

 

So now, after not contacting you for two weeks, suddenly you like her again?? And started yet another thread about how to proceed?

 

No disrespect but what the h*** is going on with you?

 

I am recalling what figureitout posted on your other thread (post 39, among others). That you want what you don't have, once you have it you find things "wrong" and lose interest, and now it appears, once it's (the girl) is gone, you want it again!

 

Anyway, do you not see a pattern developing?

 

I am now pretty much convinced that had the girl you were obsessed with last year wanted a RL with you, you would have started finding things "wrong" with her too, and reasons why it wasn't gonna work out, despite your being obsessed with and chasing her for a year.

 

As for me, I feel a bit foolish now defending you on your previous thread, and agree with everything figureitout posted. Go back and re-read her posts if you don't remember.

 

Re your dilemma on this thread, sorry would rather not get caught up in the drama.

 

I really do hope someday you are able to figure this all out.

 

Best of luck.

[bbogdanov]

I said I lost some interest but not completely, see my exact words. And I guess that's some unconscious decision that tries to protect me as I really felt rejected after our 3rd date - after all she told me she surrounds herself with people that have the same beliefs (implying I'm not wanted), told me she is bored of me (all the while she was talking for hours on all of our dates with enthusiasm) etc. So I didn't lose complete interest but most of it because I felt not good enough for her. I really hoped she would continue the conversation when I told her twice that there's no need to apologize, but it turned out she'd thought that I am angry at her nonetheless. And two weeks later I decided to give it a shot (encouraged additionally by a friend) although I knew I could be rejected. Well, it turned out there's been a misunderstanding and both of us had thought the other one doesn't want to continue communication/dating... What do I do now?

[kamurj]

the thread has run its course. Closed.