Where will my road lead.

[Neruda20]

So here I am. Back at square one. Feel like im going through the break up all over again.

 

I got an answer from my ex in regards to reconciliation and it was a no. She wants to be friends and I initially said no. This made her cry and I felt so bad about it that I said we could at least try.

 

I cried most of the day yesterday because i know it is actually over. At least i can move on now.

 

Im meeting her on Friday to hang out as friends but I expect we are going to part as nothing as I just cannot do it to myself.

 

I will always have the intention of using a friendship to try and rebuild a romantic relationship and i feel that is wrong. The friendship would be false, a sham and thats not what good relations are built on.

 

Me and my ex also parted on very good terms. I can see myself being very good friends with her down the road but not right now. I would hate to try a friendship at this point in time, it fail and then end up hating someone who I once loved dearly.

 

This is going to be tough and I do not know where im going in life right now but I think I can make it through

 

First, I am sorry that you are going through this. Second, never compromise your integrity. It's unfair to both of you. You deserve to live authentically. Your ex deserves authentic friendship. Right now those two truths are incompatible – and that's okay. Stay strong!

[Neruda20]

Okay. You know what you're doing? Holding onto hope.

It's okay, you haven't accepted this, and now you've been in contact, how could you let go?

I've found that when you truly give up hope, they return. And it's easier to deal with at that point.

I know you love her,it surely makes this harder. And the upcoming trip, you're kind of stuck between

a rock and a hard place with this. Are you going with another couple that are in a relationship?

 

So I, as well as many women I know, have been guilty of saying we will leave the door open to

soften the blow, or in hopes of keeping the guy in our life until we can let go. It's so evil, but you know most of females are emotional creatures who love the comfort and safety of people who are familiar

to us. I can guarantee you she most likely misses many aspects of what you had, and there's comfort

in that. I'm just worried for you that you might get into that comfort zone again, only to find she moves

on with another guy, and you'll be devastated again. Or, maybe in time you will be together again.

The thing is, just like Carus said, the negative memories need to fade out. If you truly want to keep in

contact, you always need to be happy, light, carefree, and not get emotional. Even talking about the

breakup isn't good. It's best to let her think you've accepted it, and tell her no discussing anything unless

she is serious about rekindling the romance. She will have great respect for you. Women in general do not

want men we can trample on. We want them to show confidence , and you have it! You can turn this in your

favor, by being strong and not caving to her emotions.

 

So much wisdom and truth here. I have held onto hope since September 2017 only to discover more and more that SweetGirl's wisdom is proving more and more true.

[sputnik123]

Hey buddy,

 

I hope you had a wonderful birthday!

 

You are a great guy and quite the catch for a lucky girl! ASK HER OUT! :)

 

All the best,

 

S x

[Piaresssss]

Thanks everyone, I w8sh it was that easy for me to do but I have to psych myself up quiet a bit

 

My birthday isnt actually till the 22nd but thanks for all the positive messages

[Piaresssss]

Hey all, today is my birthday and I feel like that is a good time some some reflection.

 

So, Im 25 today. Went out on the weekend to celebrate and had a very good time. Met a friend for lunch today and had a great catch up.

 

There has been a strange cloud hanging over today. Its the first birthday in 4 years that I have celebrated without my ex. It hard to put into words how I am feeling.

 

Im still not over the relationship but I'm okay with that. It shows me it was real and I have learned alot through this experience.

 

I have come a long way, am no longer in that rut. For all those starting out on what is a tough road to walk, it does get better. The pain fades but it is a long slow process. When it happened to me, in the beginning I wanted to snap my fingers and eveything to be the way I wanted it to be(thanos style) but thats just no how it goes. You just have to wait for the pain to fade which it does.

 

Do i still think of my ex? Yes, from time to time. I can go weeks without her popping into my brain and the effects it can have are various. I might get annoyed that I think about her, sad that I am forgetting her, it really can be anything.

 

Now for a bit of a lighter note. I told my co-worker that I was into her.... when i was unbelievably drunk. She didnt say no but didn't get a yes either just a "are you drunk". Not the best way but I'm glad that I did it. Now I can move on from this little crush.

 

Anyway, enough of a ramble. Hope everyone has a great day or night and you keep up the healing.

[sputnik123]

Many happy returns for yesterday, brother!

 

25.. what a wonderful age :)

 

Sounds like you are doing great.. very proud of how you have got this far.

 

It seems like you think of your ex much less than I do.. kudos to you!

 

It's good that you were open with your co-worker.. life really is too short to keep it to yourself ;)

 

Keep it moving buddy!

[Carus]

Happy Bday Brother P*

 

Revel in the fact you are 25. What I would give!

 

Carus*

[Piaresssss]

Thanks all.

 

Its nice that even after a short break I can jump back on her and its like I never left.

 

I do feel like I am really living life lately. I never use to go out and now barley a weekend goes by that im not busy.

 

And I may be young but you all have had life experience that I would kill for, don't any of you sell yourselves short.

 

How do I turn my thoughts off? Really I don't. I just let them happen and talk to a select few close friends that I know understand so I don't bottle it up.

 

I find that has really helped me in the letting go process. Just need to get over this last little hump and I will be golden.

[Stacks44]

You'll slowly trade your youth for wisdom. Everyone does. Personally, I wish I could stay young and dumb forever.

[Piaresssss]

Hey guys!

 

Got an update on my life

 

Out of knowhere the ex has messaged me!!!

Been about 2 months since we last spoke

 

Her message said, "Hey Piaras, I know it has been ages I saw your tattoo (pretty sure thats your leg) on steves instagram. Im at download this weekend but please let me know if you want to meet up at some point soon. If you dont want to thats fine, you dont have to reply to this. If you dont reply I'll understand, I hope I have left it long enough after Japan. I know you said you didn't want to see or hear from me and you didn't feel like we where friends at all.

So I'll let you decide if we meet or not.

By they way I have worn that necklace everyday."

 

So I would like everyones view on this. Im not sure what to make of it but dont plan on messaging her back.

 

In other news I have started chatting to a new girl and we both seem into each other, hoping that this leads somewhere!

[boltnrun]

She has zero respect for your wishes. She just plows ahead and does what she wants and does not care how that might affect you.

 

Has she always been this selfish?

[Piaresssss]

She has zero respect for your wishes. She just plows ahead and does what she wants and does not care how that might affect you.

 

Has she always been this selfish?

 

Actually no

 

But the whispers I hear of her seem to imply that she has become very selfish of late. Her best friend has said he wants nothing to do with her anymore so.

 

I have made so many improvements in my life and it seems she is back tracking

[boltnrun]

Please remember that every single time you've convinced yourself you can handle seeing her, you've had a setback. Every.Single.Time.

 

Don't believe me? Go back and reread your posts.

 

And every time you've come back and said "Oh no, I'm fine! I'm not set back AT ALL!" And then the next day or the day after that you're posting about feeling down, sad, etc.

 

Please, don't be your own worst enemy. She has nothing you need.

[Piaresssss]

Please remember that every single time you've convinced yourself you can handle seeing her, you've had a setback. Every.Single.Time.

 

Don't believe me? Go back and reread your posts.

 

And every time you've come back and said "Oh no, I'm fine! I'm not set back AT ALL!" And then the next day or the day after that you're posting about feeling down, sad, etc.

 

Please, don't be your own worst enemy. She has nothing you need.

 

Yep you are speaking the truth. I just wanted someone to give me an outside perspective. I have been feeling great lately and I can put that down to not seeing her.

[boltnrun]

Yep you are speaking the truth. I just wanted someone to give me an outside perspective. I have been feeling great lately and I can put that down to not seeing her.

 

So...how about blocking her so she can stop trying to use you for her own selfish, personal gain?

 

No, blocking isn't "harsh", "immature", "childish" or "unnecessary". It's important so you can't keep getting messages from her and then trying to convince yourself that it wouldn't hurt to see her.

 

Plus, how are you going to meet a really great woman with your ex lurking in your back pocket??

[sputnik123]

Hello brother,

 

Don't entertain her at all. She needs to take a long walk off a short pier!

 

You are far too good for her. Give her the best response.. complete silence.

 

You got this buddy ;)

[Stacks44]

I'd like to add that the dumper is probably most likely to come back once the tables have turned and they're feeling weak and noticing that you're now strong.

 

I would say that her contacting you has much more to do with a need for validation then it does with reconciliation or her actually missing you. Once you've given her what she's looking for she's just going to leave again.

 

Bolt is always a good source of advice. Thanks for your posts!

[boltnrun]

Aww, thanks stacks!

[Piaresssss]

Hey all,

 

Been a while since I posted.

 

I have been doing great, got a new job, potentially moving out and still going to the gym. Made quiet a few new friends who I really enjoy spending my time with.

 

Now yesterday would have been my 4 year anniversary and the week before Inhad been dreading it. Well the day came and went like any other. I took my brothers dog out in this beautiful weather and saved her from a lake.

 

A short update because all in all I am doing really good. Hipe everyone else is :).

[sputnik123]

Hello brother,

 

Fantastic to get your update.. even better that it's so positive!

 

Very happy for you.. I hope the new job is going well. The Gym has always really helped you so stick at it ;)

 

You are a very likeable fella so the new friends goes without saying!

 

These pesky anniversaries get us worked up don't they.. but, as we always realise, they are just another day...

 

Very proud of you my man ;))

[Piaresssss]

Just felt lile posting an update today

 

Feeling a little blue today, had a dream about my ex for no apparent reason I can think of, approaching a year since we broke up

 

Other than that Im good, still finding my feet in the new job, went on a few dates but we didn't fit so thats okay.

 

Just plodding along as usual, hope everyone else is doing good!

[Carus]

Good to hear from you P*

 

Sounds all normal to me so carry on.

 

It is not required to be 'happy all the time!'....I think they'll lock you up for that too lol

 

Still 'bubbling'...?

 

Carus*

[Piaresssss]

Hey Carus,

 

You are indeed right, no one can be happy all the time.

 

And I am indeed hitting those bubbles as often as possible!

[sputnik123]

Hey brother P,

 

Wonderful to hear from you, Carus too, as always! :)

 

The random dreams there for you too huh.. same here! Most of the time she still feels sooooo distant though!

 

I always recall the fact that you brought up one of the most insightful sentences I have seen here... "she chose to lose someone who really loves her.. that will be hard to live with eventually".. or similar. That has really stuck with me.

 

Keep the bubbles flowing my man ;)

[Metaltwin70]

'..I'm at download this weekend'

 

DONNINGTON!! It's called Donnington man!!

 

Sorry, couldn't help myself, I know you're a tiny baby at 25 but to us 45+ old rockers, the place and fest will always be Donnington!!