“What’s best for me is if we don’t talk for a while”...

[dino7994]

So my ex broke up with me after a year long relationship about two months ago. He moved away for army training so we are now states away. He’s always said he isn’t good with distance, so that definitely was a large factor in the breakup. I also think it was a bit of GIGS as it was his first more serious relationship and all his friends down there are single and just having a good time. He said I was an amazing partner and was always there for him and that meant more than he could express. There were no hard feelings. Anyway, I went no contact for about a month so that I could work on moving on and feeling like myself. He texted three days after the breakup and I wasn’t ready to respond so I didn’t. He also snap chatted me during the month twice. I also didn’t respond to those.

 

A little over a month went by and he saw something on my snap story that I guess concerned him and he texted asking if I was ok because he was a little worried. I responded saying I was fine and we had a brief conversation and he was pretty talkative. We have had several conversations since then where he has always asked questions about me and what’s going on and we have joked around slightly flirtatiously too. When he heard I now have an Xbox he requested my name so we can play together. Anyway, talking was happening but it wasn’t back to normal it was definitely more cold than usual.

 

Anyway, I was going to be in his area for a conference so I asked if he’d like to grab food or hang out one day. He responded saying he’d have to check his schedule because he didn’t know what was going on. I know he would worry that it would be awkward so I responded “ok, promise it wouldn’t be awkward and would be a good time!” To which he responded that he didn’t know how he would be if we saw one another. I asked what he meant and he said “Like how I’d react, I don’t know.” So I responded ok, I just figured it would be nice to catch up and that we always have a good time together so I wasn’t worried. He responded “I think I need to sleep on this. Right now I'm skeptical because for some reason I think it'd be negative somehow. I'll talk to you later.” There were no negative feelings at all ever so I’m not sure what was going on there and what he meant by that.

 

He and I talked again a few days later after I sent a snapchat. He again was asking some questions and telling me about what he had been doing and what his week looked like. He was a bit more cold and distant than usual though so at the end of the conversation I let him know I could leave him alone from now on, to which he responded "I think I could use a break from talking for a bit." I tried to clarify why and he just responded "Sometimes people need space."

 

I don't know if it's because at first I ignored his first attempts to reach out and when I finally did respond a month later after his concern of my snap story I eventually stopped responding. He started another conversation a few days later and we actually went back and forth in asking questions and stuff, and I ended the conversation as I was going out. From then on it has been me initiating contact via snapchat or text. He was pretty talkative during those next conversations asking how I had been and whatnot and sending lengthy texts about stuff going on with him. Asked him about a burger he got at this one place we went because I was going the next night and wanted to try it and he asked me to let him know how I liked it and I didn't. So that was my fault. But at the end of that conversation we were joking around and flirting about something that happened when we were together once.

 

Later on he found out I was in the hospital for surgery and we had a conversation about that and about how I got my xbox and he wanted my name so we could play. Ended up falling asleep so not responding to the last text in that conversation. The next time we talked the fact that I was casually seeing someone else came up, and that's when he started ending conversations by not responding to texts. He asked about my surgery and I told him and mentioned the other guy and then he asked what the timeline for my next few days looked like and then never responded again. Then the next day I had asked why he wanted to know what my timeline was and he said it was because he was curious about what the recovery time was and asked how I was feeling. Again we went back and forth and joked around a bit but the conversation ended with him not responding. I then wished him a happy thanksgiving a few days later and again he stopped responding. I asked about seeing him and that's what lead to the conversation above.

 

Recently, I posted a photo of me eating lunch with a male friend and mutual friends told me my ex got a tinder that night after seeing it. Obviously don’t know if that’s related but it was something strange. He still looks at all the stuff I post and today I was going to look up a friend with the same first name on Facebook and noticed my ex didn’t show up on my friends list anymore. Turns out he took me off Snapchat, unfollowed my instagram, and unfriended me on Facebook. We hadnt talked since when he said he needed a break from talking. I haven’t done anything out of the ordinary. So I thought that was strange. This was a week ago.

 

Then yesterday I wished him a happy birthday. He responded thanking me and saying he’d text me today since he was going to bed. He texted me this morning and we talked. I stupidly brought up the social media thing at the end of the conversation. Basically it went like this:

I asked him what was up with the unfollowing. He said that whether it was true or not he felt like I had been messing with his head on social media so he unfollowed me.

I never really thought I had done anything like that. I just post about my life and what I’m doing. So I responded “Well I definitely I apologize if it felt that way! Certainly wasn’t intentionally doing anything of the sort. Not the kinda person I am...you should know that...To be honest I kinda feel like if you felt that way though you still have some sort of feelings and that’s fine and completely understandable but if you need me to disappear for a bit more so you can move on I can definitely do that.” To which he responded “Dino7994, I don't have feelings for you that are keeping me from moving on. I just have no desire to know about who you're talking to, what they do, or anything involving them. It's not my business. I don't even know why you'd tell me about them.” To which I responded: “If I did it’s because that’s how I talk to my friends. I’m very open about my life. Also, someone that doesn’t care just brushes that stuff off and isn’t impacted. They laugh at it or say hey good for that person. And the way you’re reacting says there’s still a little something there. I’m just trying to do what’s best for you.” He responded “what’s best for me is if we don’t talk for a while.”

 

I guess I don’t know what I did that made him so defensive and upset if he doesn’t have feelings. How do I come back from this? I just want to be friends and don’t know what’s going on in his head.

[boltnrun]

 

 

I think you got some pretty good responses when you posted about this before.

 

You wanted to be a couple but he didn't, so you're not. You want to be "friends" but he doesn't, so you're not.

 

Why this absolute insistence on being "friends "? Do you actually want him back and think being "friends" would help?

[dino7994]

 

I think you got some pretty good responses when you posted about this before.

 

You wanted to be a couple but he didn't, so you're not. You want to be "friends" but he doesn't, so you're not.

 

Why this absolute insistence on being "friends "? Do you actually want him back and think being "friends" would help?

 

He was the one who wanted to be friends at the time of the break up. I currently would like to be friends solely because we were friends prior to our relationship and because I care about him as a person.

I'm not looking to get back together with him. I don't think he's in a place in his life for a mature relationship, and I think he has some experience to gain before he enters into any serious relationship.

I simply would like to have him in my life as a person as I enjoy his presence in it.

[MissCanuck]

Exes almost never remain good friends so soon after a break-up, OP.

 

You need to let go of that idea for good long while. It won't work.