Boyfriends exes (now friends)

[cryingalways]

So my boyfriend is friends with several of his exes. I accept that and am friends with a couple of my exes too, but the thing is all of his seem to come running to him either in the middle of the night when they’re upset or generally in times of drama. They want lifts, to talk all night and cry and he does what they want. I find this quite annoying, even his parents have mentioned “ah yes she always comes crying to you”. I’ve spoken to him about it before and he just says they need him etc. the strange thing is my ex who I’m friends with seems to irritate him a bit, and I doubt very much he’d like me going for cost lunches with him but why’s it ok for him to?!? Bahhh!!!

[MissCanuck]

Your boyfriend is the problem here. He has no boundaries.

 

Being friendly is one thing. Playing White Knight to Damsel-In-Distress-Ex is quite another. Let him know this does not sit well with you, and then let him show you if he is willing to implement firmer boundaries with these girls or not. If he doesn't, you need to think carefully about whether you want a relationship that's constantly littered with ex drama.

[SherrySher]

Yes! What MissCanuck said.

 

Your boyfriend seems to be enjoying the attention and being their savior far too much. He is the one who is allowing it and let's it continue.

 

He doesn't seem to be stopping it any time soon, so you need to figure out if you want to remain with a man who needs this kind of drama/attention.

[Batya33]

I do think he needs to have firmer boundaries with exes even though I'm typically more than fine staying in touch with exes -but with certain conditions/boundaries -at least one of these women want him back yes?

[Giblesp]

Im friends with my exes, should they so wish to be. However, if they came crying at night my attitude would be that this may affect the balance of my present relationship.

 

If an ex is having a genuine emergency, then of course I would help as I would any friend. But for the more general stuff that occurs in life, she must now call up a GF or her present BF for those things.

[lostandhurt]

Oh one of the many benefits of keeping ex's around as friends!

 

He is getting something out of all this attention/connection with women he used to have sex with. Why don't you ask him why he keeps encouraging it? I doubt he is like this with his male friends.

 

Just wait until you are being intimate one night and he stops to check his phone because Stacy is having a hard time with her break up.

 

Clear boundaries need to be set but not as rules dictated by you. It needs to be done to improve your relationship and wanted. If you both talk about having ex's as friends and he thinks it is totally okay to talk to these women day and night with no regard with how it makes you feel then perhaps he isn't as empathetic as you thought he was.

 

Talk it over and see what his attitude is and go from there.

 

Lost

[MissCanuck]

I do think he needs to have firmer boundaries with exes even though I'm typically more than fine staying in touch with exes -but with certain conditions/boundaries -at least one of these women want him back yes?

 

Oh, more than likely. And he enjoys the attention.

 

Recipe for disaster if you don't stand up for yourself.

[reinventmyself]

I have a simple rule for ex's that are friends.

Those that I am truly friends with I would have no problem introducing them to a current boyfriend . . and vice versa.

If you can't say this about your `friends' then they are more then just friends.

[abitbroken]

You don't have an exes of boyfriend problem - you have a boyfriend problem. I would honestly run for the hills.