Once a week sex? Is that normal?

[lioness726]

So my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and a half. He is turning 25 and I am turning 22.

 

For the past couple of months he and I had been having sex only once a week, on a Friday or Saturday night, usually when we've come home from a bar, and about 90% of the time he has at least some alcohol in his system.

 

I feel that I have a very healthy sex drive and I feel that our once a week romps is a little too routine and odd for a couple who have only been together for a year and a half. I had brought this up to him many times and we would always end up fighting about it. He then would tell me that I had to get him turned on because he wasn't "as in the mood all the time" as I was. I even would bring up lingerie, dressing up, ANYTHING! I have no problem discussing sex and sexual desires with him but he seems to clam up. I would ask him what turned him on and he would say, "I don't know. I never really thought about it. When I find out, I'll let you know."

 

After complaining about the lack of sex I caught him looking at provocative pictures of girls online.

 

Now, I have no problem with him looking at porn, but here he was on a site like Friendster/Myspace, looking at profiles of real women who like to post up pictures of themselves in bikinis or underwear. We discussed the issue and I told him that it made me very uncomfortable. He said he wouldn't look but I can't help but think, Why is he looking at these pictures of regular women (who could be living down the street and work at the market) dressed in a bra and short skirt, and he can't look at me?

 

Well, one night before I came over to his place, I had wanted to give him oral sex but he had turned me down. He turned me down because he had said that he had "taken care" of himself before I came over. He said he had been looking at porn on the internet (which I don't have a problem with). But I got furious with him because I said, "You knew I was coming over! Couldn't you have waited?"

 

So here's a little background on him: This is his first real relationship. Prior to me, his longest was two months. The amount of women he had slept with can be counted with both hands and both feet. But most of these women were one night stands. Prior to me he had never done some of the sexual things he and I have done together. But I also know that with a lot of the women he had dated, he would sleep with them and then get bored of them. Fortunately that didn't happen with us... until now maybe?

 

In the beginning of our relationship we had sex quite often. Then it dragged down to more routine. For a couple of weeks we had broken up and when we got back together, the amount of sex and drive went back up. Then it quickly went back down to where it's almost routine. I've suggested new things, I've tried to turn him on and then I get turned down...

 

Help anyone? Input? This is really tearing down my self-esteem. I know I'm an attractive girl. I see the way other men look at me but I feel like my boyfriend never looks at me like that. He even told me that it now takes him more than just seeing me naked in front of him to turn him on! When we go out, I'm not dressing up and sexy for him anymore. It's so I can can get looks from other men to build up my self esteem. And I have told him this. I really don't know what to do.

 

Is once a week sex normal for two people who are as young as we are? He tells me he has work, bills, and other resposibilities, he's stressed, he's older, and sex isn't his biggest priority anymore. Is he right?

[melrich]

There probably isn't any "normal" amount of sex but I would have thought at your ages once a week is not very often. They say women reach their sexual peak at 30? So I guess once a week would be pretty frustrating and routine.

 

I think there are other issues here that you have not got to the bottom of.

[Scout]

It is rather uncommon for the guy to not want sex as much as the girl. How are the other aspects of your relationship? Is he dependable, kind, affectionate - loving? Does he seem to genuinely enjoy spending time with you?

 

On the other hand, is he cold or mean when you argue? Does he spend time away from you that is completely unaccounted for?

Does he pull away emotionally, and shut down?

 

It would help to know some of this stuff, because otherwise, we're just making guesses at this point as to why he is turning away sexually.

[QTpie87]

I read somewhere on the internet that there is not normal amount of sex for couples. I mean...ok let me refrase that. THere isn't an exact amount one should be having, everyone is different, and have different sex drives. there is a quize on link removed that you could take, that tells you how there is not wrong or write amount. don't know if I helped, but I tried.

good luck,

Qtpie87

[allein]

I feel you pain. I have been with my gf for only 7 months. We havn't had sex in two months, and before that maybe once a week. But we've never had a very 'active' sex life which is crappy considering before she got with me she was quite permisuous and slept with pretty much everyone she knew. Now suddenly she's never horny. I dn't get it.

[lioness726]

As to how my boyfriend treats me, he treats me well. He gives me kisses (not make-out kisses) he holds me, he always would seem genuinely happy to see me (especially when he was having a good day), he holds my hand while we watch movies, he tells me he loves me... We would spend every single day together. A little while back he did request that he felt it was a good idea if we had one night to ourselves (so he could spend time with his friends alone or work on writing his music). However, the request stayed a request and never happened. So is it possible that I was smothering him and that caused a drop in sex drive? When we would have sex he's still attentive and he seems to thoroughly enjoy it, but I don't know. Is it us? Or him?

[eddie500]

Could just be he gets off better with masturbating to porno.

After a while you could say the girl is the same old girl, but with porno.. its like having sex with a different girl.

Some guys just like masturbation better.. and you said he "just took care of himself and he knew you were coming over".

 

How long does it take him to orgasm during regular sex?

[MetallicAguy]

It's either he's losing interest in you or your having sex too much and it's boring him. If your having sex that much that it becomes this predictable then you need to do it like 1-2 times a month.

[eddie500]

One other recommendation, I'd get rid of the guy and find someone else more into your sex needs.

 

I personally take a hard approach in relatinships when it comes to the sex part! If you can't fix it, just move on trust me.

[SlipperySammy]

If he is turning down oral, and looking at porn before you come over I would say there is a problem.

 

As for the one time a week thing...it could be worse...but there is nothing like sexual frustration do to lack of activity.

[lioness726]

Thank you all but I don't think I am at the point where I am going to get rid of someone I very much love because I'm not getting sex as much as I would like. He says he sees no probllem with the amount of sex we have. He told me that he's not bored with it, but he did admit that it felt routine. I suggested different things and he gets a little "shy" I guess you could say. He seems uncomfortable to discuss those things.

 

Our sex has always been very good. At a lot of times incredible. He says that he still loves the sex and it feels incredible, he just doesn't have the drive to do it as often. I don't know if he's just too comfortable? --- When we go on vacation the first thing we do in our hotel room is have sex. Then later that night we have sex again. Our sex life is no problem when we're in a different place I've noticed. Maybe he needs a change of scenery?

 

He tells me he loves me everyday and he wouldn't say it if he didn't mean it. I know he's not cheating on me and I don't think I've become any less attractive. I am used to having sex with only one person because I have been in a few long term relationships- actually I prefer it. He on the other hand isn't. This is completely new to him and he was the type of guy that liked having a different girl every week. I remind him of that too and he gets upset. He tells me that, that was then.

 

So, to all I know there is a problem and yes, SlipperySammy, turning down oral and looking at porn before I came over was a big flashing sign for me. I chewed him out and he apologized profusely the next day and told me that he just wasn't thinking.

It's just wearing on me because I think there's more to what he says. I think he is also unsatisfied but doesn't have the heart to tell me or doesn't know it himself...

 

Oh and to answer the other question- he has no problem getting off with sex. It can be pretty quick at times. Which is why once a week sucks for me. I don't orgasm and then I'm stuck waiting for next weekend. I know how to get him off very well and that was never a problem.

[SlipperySammy]

I would guess there is more to the story then he wants to admit...

 

if he cums really quick is he done? He doesn't want to help 'finish' you?

 

When my girlfriend and I have gone a week or more with out sex I don't always last very long either...usually she gets me off first during foreplay then we have sex. I like this because then I can last forever and get her 'there' 1-2 times.

 

I guess what I don't understand about your situation... is if he is board with the sex...why isn't he eagor to try new things?