confgirl Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 So here’s my story. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3,5 years and as we were about to cross 3 years mark our relationship was really struggling. We’re fighting almost if not every day. We both started new jobs back then and things were tough so I think it was part of it. The only good thing remained was sex. We always had good sex. We talked about breaking up and almost followed through after one fight. A few months ago the new guy joined my team. I didn’t think anything special about him in the beginning, but we started talking and realized we have similar issues in our relationships. We went on a few work trips together and became friends. We were regularly texting each other and one day he confessed that he fantasies about ing me. It all went downhill from there. We sexted each other constantly, talking about our fantasies and how we want to take it upon each other. It was amazing. Meanwhile relationship with my boyfriend gotten a lot better. My boyfriend picked up on the fact thatI have a male friend that I’m attracted to and I think it was part of it - he started to treat me better. I was also improving at work because I wanted to impress my coworker-friend. I was happy being part of his life, my attraction to him was growing fast and I was enjoying coming to work every day to see him. We realized that we’re very similar in a way we think, we both love dirty sex (something that my boyfriend is not really into). My friend dropped comments a couple times how he thought this (us) could work because we have such chemistry. My boyfriend suggested that if I want to see other people I can and we could try open relationship. Fast forward - we went for a work trip and he spent his allocation to come and see me. We went out on a first real date that night and kissed. I didn’t let him come to my place to take it further. I was thinking about this kiss every day since then. We talked about it over text. We tried to go out at least once every 3–4 weeks to spend time together. I have to point out that I made it clear in the beginning that I don’t intend to break up with my boyfriend and I don’t want my friend to end his relationship because of me. We agreed we were friends that were super attracted to each other. But then something happened and his attitude towards me changed. And I’m still confused as to why and what’s happening. We went on another work trip and we were planning on seeing each other for dinner that night (my idea). He arrived after me and when he finally texted - he didn’t seem to wanting to see me. He didn’t make any reservations as he was planning to. He said he had something going on, was slow to reply. He said he was gonna grab dinner even though he knew I was out with a friend drinking wine who was about to leave. My friend said I could come but didn’t insist so I didn’t. I was about to leave when he said we could meet. When we met, I asked him what happened and he said he’s now seeing a therapist for depression. I offered support. When I was about to leave home - I told him I don’t feel like he chases me anymore. I kissed him (our second time ever) and got in my taxi. He texted me 10mins later asking if I want this because he’s confused what I want and if I want to spend the night together no sex. We didn’t want to cheat. He came over my place and we were making out, talking and made each other cum. He said he liked me very much and didn’t want my boyfriend to make me settle down because he wanted me “all to himself”. He left in the morning. We saw each at work that day, the next day but he didn’t make an effort to see me or hang out. I think he was confused. I get a sense of how much he’s interested by how often he texts me and what. Since that night he barely texted. Nothing like before, no sexting. He also used to make an effort for us to hang out more, when we were starting to get to know each other. I took a pause in my current relationship and went out on a date with someone. I texted my friend that night and told him what I was up to. He said he was jealous but it was also turning him on. At the end of us chatting I said I wish I didn’t have to date other people but you don’t seem to know what you want and I wonder where this is going”. He never replied. I asked the next day what’s up and he said he doesn’t know what to say and that he “doesn’t want to get in a way of anything” with my current boyfriend although he knew things are not going well already. Him and his girlfriend are not on good terms either. He avoids any situations where he could meet my boyfriend. He still sexts me about his dirty fantasies but very rare compared to what we had before. Almost never. He doesn’t make an effort to hang out anymore. Even if he suggests it never works out on his end. Last time we talked he said “he’s trying to sort out feelings”. I’m not sure what that means. Feelings to who and for what? I wish he’d make a move. I wish he’d tell that he wants to have me. I rarely text him first, but I hate how he leaves my questions unanswered. I hate that he doesn’t make an effort to hang out anymore or cancels last minute. How do I make him see me more than a friend/sext buddy? Is it possible that he’s scared of how he started to feel about me and wants to protect himself? Is he not interested anymore? Is he disappointed we didn’t have sex that night? Does he not know what he wants and I should leave him until he does? Does he only see me as a sex object? I really dig him. But I don’t want to fall for him if he doesn’t feel anything about me. Any even remotely serious conversation scares him off. I don’t think I only want sex from him. I worry if I give in to the temptation I will end up falling for him. Any help is greatly appreciated! What’s going on? 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