Struggling with breakup. Says that he is too, but he doesn't want me around [23/F]

[emd501]

So I broke up with my ex because I was just getting stressed out. Almost two weeks later I realized I made a mistake and wanted to rekindle things. I went over to speak to him and we talked for about an hr. Mid sentence he cuts me off saying he had done me a disservice by allowing me to come over and that he’s happy now and he’s mentally moved on. I said okay, grabbed by keys, then left.

 

20 min later he messaged me. He was apologizing saying it’s just hard being broken up with and he was in the mindset of moving on so it’s hard to revert back. I don’t respond. I get another lengthy message 30 min later. This time saying how we have a lot of issues that he doesn’t we’ll get over and breaking up was really hard for him and he wanted to stay but couldn’t. I don’t respond to that either. I get a third message saying how the stress and breaking up really f*cked with his head and made him physically worn down. Again, I don’t respond. So three messages that night. The next day I get another message. I respond and say I love him and we need better tools to communicate. He responded to that message saying we'll continue to struggle to communicate. I don’t respond to that either. Later that evening I get another messsge. Again, I don’t respond. He wasn’t talking about fixing things so I just assumed his messages were breadcrumbs. A week later he sent me message saying this was hard for him. I replied back it’s hard for me too. We haven't talked since.

 

He’s been looking at my social media non stop. I posted a birthday post for my best friend’s birthday and he was the first one to like it.

 

My best friend who has built pretty good rapport with him believes that we're both doing the same thing and we're acting stupid playing silly games. I don't really agree. It just seems like we're two exes who still love each other and that's it.

[kctiger]

So I broke up with my ex because I was just getting stressed out. Almost two weeks later I realized I made a mistake and wanted to rekindle things. I went over to speak to him and we talked for about an hr. Mid sentence he cuts me off saying he had done me a disservice by allowing me to come over and that he’s happy now and he’s mentally moved on. I said okay, grabbed by keys, then left.

 

20 min later he messaged me. He was apologizing saying it’s just hard being broken up with and he was in the mindset of moving on so it’s hard to revert back. I don’t respond (1). I get another lengthy message 30 min later. This time saying how we have a lot of issues that he doesn’t we’ll get over and breaking up was really hard for him and he wanted to stay but couldn’t. I don’t respond to that either (2). I get a third message saying how the stress and breaking up really f*cked with his head and made him physically worn down. Again, I don’t respond (3). So three messages that night. The next day I get another message. I respond and say I love him and we need better tools to communicate. He responded to that message saying we'll continue to struggle to communicate. I don’t respond to that either (4). Later that evening I get another messsge. Again, I don’t respond (5). He wasn’t talking about fixing things so I just assumed his messages were breadcrumbs. A week later he sent me message saying this was hard for him. I replied back it’s hard for me too. We haven't talked since.

 

You ignored him 5 different times in the span of two days. I don't know what your question is, but I think you are spot on that communication needs to be much better between you two. You are two ex's that are terrible at communication. I agree, you need better tools to communicate. The tools are simply you two working to communicate by sitting down and having an open dialogue. I think he is in protection mode from being dumped, which is understandable. But again, what are you asking?

[emd501]

You ignored him 5 different times in the span of two days. I don't know what your question is, but I think you are spot on that communication needs to be much better between you two. You are two ex's that are terrible at communication. I agree, you need better tools to communicate. The tools are simply you two working to communicate by sitting down and having an open dialogue. But again, what are you asking?

 

I ignored his messages because I thought they were breadcrumbs. He didn't say anything about fixing things so I thought I was doing the right thing by not responding.

[rosephase]

He's acting like someone who got his heart smashed because you were stressed. You threw away the relationship when you hit a bump. Why would he be up for signing back up for that kind of treatment?

 

To me? it sounds like he probably misses you and is lonely but is also not willing to try again with you. You might be playing silly head games (if you want to get back together with him why aren't you responding to him?). But he seems to be pretty clear and trying to process the end of the relationship.

[MissCanuck]

It sounds as though you have both made up your minds, so I'm not really sure what you're asking either.

 

You want him back. He doesn't. You won't speak to him unless he says he wants to try again, which he hasn't. What more is there to say?

[cynjo]

I ignored his messages because I thought they were breadcrumbs. He didn't say anything about fixing things so I thought I was doing the right thing by not responding.

 

He said he’s happy and mentally moved on? That’s a hilarious joke.

 

He was super butt hurt that you broke up with him so he returned the favor. If you moved on and you’re happy there’s no need to communicate any further. He’s so full of it. He bluffed and you called him out on it by saying okay and leaving. Now he doesn’t know how to get back in. Plus, I'm sure he was hoping more than just a, 'this is hard for me too'. I know I would be wanting more if you broke up with me. Yes he didn't want to rekindle but you're the one who initially started all of this so the burden is more on you.

 

He's acting like someone who got his heart smashed because you were stressed. You threw away the relationship when you hit a bump. Why would he be up for signing back up for that kind of treatment?

 

To me? it sounds like he probably misses you and is lonely but is also not willing to try again with you. You might be playing silly head games (if you want to get back together with him why aren't you responding to him?). But he seems to be pretty clear and trying to process the end of the relationship.

 

I don't agree. I don't think he's pretty clear. If he was so clear he wouldn't have messaged her incessantly and wouldn't still be all over her social media.

[emd501]

He's acting like someone who got his heart smashed because you were stressed. You threw away the relationship when you hit a bump. Why would he be up for signing back up for that kind of treatment?

 

To me? it sounds like he probably misses you and is lonely but is also not willing to try again with you. You might be playing silly head games (if you want to get back together with him why aren't you responding to him?). But he seems to be pretty clear and trying to process the end of the relationship.

 

It wasn't just a bump in the road. He kept starting arguments and it was stressing me out. He would bring up stuff from 6 months ago and would just nitpick aka stressing me out. It felt like he was being petty at that point.

[cynjo]

It wasn't just a bump in the road. He kept starting arguments and it was stressing me out. He would bring up stuff from 6 broke up with my ex over constant arguing. A week and jog passed and I realized we didn’t really try to fix things and that I made a mistake. I went over to speak to him and we talked for about an hr. Mid sentence he cuts me off saying he had done me a disservice by allowing me to come over and that he’s happy now and he’s mentally moved on. I said okay, grabbed by keys, then left.

 

20 min later he messaged me. He was apologizing saying it’s just hard being broken up with and he was in the mindset of moving on so it’s hard to revert back. I don’t respond. I get another lengthy message 30 min later. This time saying how we have a lot of issues that he doesn’t we’ll get over and breaking up was really hard for him and he wanted to stay but couldn’t. I don’t respond to that either. I get a third message saying how the stress and breaking up really f*cked with his head and made him physically worn down. Again, I don’t respond. So three messages that night. The next day I get another message. I respond and say I love him and we need better tools to communicate. He responded saying we argue too much. I don’t respond to that either. Later that evening I get another messsgr. Again, I don’t respond. He wasn’t talking about fixing things so I just assumed his messages were breadcrumbs. A week later he sent me message saying this was hard for him. I replied back it’s hard for me too. That was a week and half ago. He’s been looking at my social media non stop. I posted a birthday post for my best friend’s birthday and he was the first one to like it.months ago and would just nitpick aka stressing me out. It felt like he was being petty at that point.

 

So he’s petty? If that’s the case this furthers my belief that his ego is just hurt right now and said those things to hurt your feelings. If he’s the type to be petty then saying you’re sorry once, then ignoring him a handful of times isn’t enough for him. In his eyes you don’t seem that invested/genuine in trying to fix things.

[DancingFool]

I ignored his messages because I thought they were breadcrumbs. He didn't say anything about fixing things so I thought I was doing the right thing by not responding.

 

Communication and perspective are certainly issues with you. He isn't here, but considering how confusing your posts and stance are.....I'd say you definitely have issues with expressing what it is you want.

 

How is he giving you breadcrumbs when you are the one who dumped him? You hurt him, crushed him really. He is trying to heal, he is telling you flat out that you had serious issues that need to be addressed regarding communication before you can truly get back together and your response is to ignore him....smh.... I mean your friend is correct - you are playing silly games.

 

If you want to get back together, it's on you to come to him with honesty and a plan on how to improve the issues between the two of you. He might accept, he might take some time to think on it. You shouldn't be expecting for him to just roll over and jump back in. That's not breadcrumbs, that's just prudence.

[emd501]

Communication and perspective are certainly issues with you. He isn't here, but considering how confusing your posts and stance are.....I'd say you definitely have issues with expressing what it is you want.

 

How is he giving you breadcrumbs when you are the one who dumped him? You hurt him, crushed him really. He is trying to heal, he is telling you flat out that you had serious issues that need to be addressed regarding communication before you can truly get back together and your response is to ignore him....smh.... I mean your friend is correct - you are playing silly games.

 

If you want to get back together, it's on you to come to him with honesty and a plan on how to improve the issues between the two of you. He might accept, he might take some time to think on it. You shouldn't be expecting for him to just roll over and jump back in. That's not breadcrumbs, that's just prudence.

 

I figured they were breadcrumbs because he said he moved on within and was happy within those 1.5 weeks. I thought any communication after that, unless it's trying to get back together was deemed a breadcrumb. Plus, I thought he was just continuing to vent. After he said he had moved on and was happy I just took what he said at face value and thought that he just didn't care anymore so I didn't think I need to respond.

 

So even though he said he moved on and he didn't want to rekindle it's still on me to try and fix things?

[rosephase]

It wasn't just a bump in the road. He kept starting arguments and it was stressing me out. He would bring up stuff from 6 months ago and would just nitpick aka stressing me out. It felt like he was being petty at that point.

 

Then why do you want to get back together with him? He sounds like an *ss.

[emd501]

Then why do you want to get back together with him? He sounds like an *ss.

 

His father died this past year and I know he hasn't properly grieved. He just went right into work the next day and didn't even cry. I know he needs some therapy because he's a very emotional guy so for him to be so numb I know isn't healthy.

[cynjo]

It wasn't just a bump in the road. He kept starting arguments and it was stressing me out. He would bring up stuff from 6 months ago and would just nitpick aka stressing me out. It felt like he was being petty at that point.

 

I figured they were breadcrumbs because he said he moved on within and was happy within those 1.5 weeks. I thought any communication after that, unless it's trying to get back together was deemed a breadcrumb. Plus, I thought he was just continuing to vent. After he said he had moved on and was happy I just took what he said at face value and thought that he just didn't care anymore so I didn't think I need to respond.

 

So even though he said he moved on and he didn't want to rekindle it's still on me to try and fix things?

 

OP you need to look at his ACTIONS. He clearly still cares very much. As much pain as you’re in he’s probably in just as much pain. You hurt him so he tried to hurt you. I do believe he still wants to be with you, but keep in mind time is not on your side.

[MissCanuck]

His father died this past year and I know he hasn't properly grieved. He just went right into work the next day and didn't even cry. I know he needs some therapy because he's a very emotional guy so for him to be so numb I know isn't healthy.

 

Okay, and I agree people in grief often need help (and I speak from personal experience on that) but you evidently had reached your limit and wanted out for a reason.

 

I know you have had a change of heart, but he evidently hasn't. He has been through a lot, emotionally, and taking the risk of getting back together with a girl who just dumped him is too much right now. He has said so himself, in so many words. It wasn't working for him anymore either.

[DancingFool]

... I mean either you two need to get over yourselves, talk and hash it all out once and for all .....or you need to throw in the towel and walk away for good. I mean you had your reasons to dump him. Sure you may still care for each other, even still love each other, but perhaps love is not enough and you two aren't compatible after all. Either way, you need to figure it out so you can either work out your differences and fix thing between you or simply move on for good and at peace that it was the right decision.

 

As for him telling you 1.5 weeks out that he is totally fine and over you.....I mean come on.....he was pretty obviously hurt and lashing out and pretending....then again....if that's how he acts normally.....do you really want him back? Your friend is spot on that you are both playing silly games with each other and doing everything other than being honest.

[kamurj]

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