I am trying to figure out what is wrong with me

[kwarden13]

This past year I have had many life changes and never have had any issues. However, I feel I am at a breaking point and do not know where to go.

 

Background:

 

My fiance (we are two women) and I have been together for about 3 years and engaged for a year. I finally moved in with her right before we got engaged and then we bought a house in January 2017. The first two years were great! However, this past year things have really been rough for me. Right after we moved into the house, my father got very sick in March and passed away in May. I was took a leave of absence at work to help care for him since he needed around the clock care. In addition, my mom is declining in heath so she was unable to really help at all. I took on doing all the paperwork, getting a lawyer for medicare and other documents, navigating the ins and outs of nursing homes, etc. Also, I have no other family around so just me. After May, I returned to work. Meanwhile, my fiance did not really assist in any of this and barely said anything to me during this time. I constantly feel I am by myself when things happen.

 

Between moving and this, I felt so stressed! Where we moved, my fiance has her entire life here. So she has a great job with whom she is very close to her co-workers and boss and she has a great network of close friends. Me on the other hand don't have any friends and work from home managing a team in India. This has added to a great deal of feeling isolated. So I tried to make friends at Crossfit and do talk to some people here and there but they are all acquantaances. No real friends to talk to you about serious matters or go out with it. This is where trouble started.

 

I went to the casino one day because I was bored. Now that has become my regular outlet about once a week. I am not in any major debt since I have a very good job, however, my fiance does not like it. We started fighting more and more. I see her point about me not going, however, I am home all the time by myself. I realize I enjoy it because I don't have to think about this past year and use it as an escape.

 

But now, my relationship is just getting worse. I even did not go for a couple weeks to see if things improved but they don't. So I don't think the casino is the real issue however probably adding to existing. I am just not sure what to do and feel so depressed. I cry all the time because I can't believe my relationship has ended up like this and can't believe I feel this depressed all the time.

 

My fiance just gets frustrated with me.

[rosephase]

It sounds like time for a therapist. You both are unhappy. The underling issues are pretty massive. Being isolated socially is HARD. Losing your father is HARD. moving is HARD. Changing your relationship is HARD (moving in together getting engaged) In the past year you've done like half of the most stressful things a person can do ever. Of course it's going to wear on you. Stress can rip apart a relationship. It can rip a part a person.

 

A couples therapist might be able to help you two work together through this struggle.

 

You are struggling because what you are going through is very hard. It's okay to need help.

[kwarden13]

Thank you for this! Its been very hard to admit it to myself and everytime I try to talk about it with my fiance I just end up crying and want to end the conversation. Mainly because I don't want to look weak or like I am complaining.

 

I tried looking for a therapist today but most reviews online are negative for the ones in my area but trying a session or two cant hurt.

[Jinsky]

I think you should try it for yourself despite negative reviews. Personally, I tend to forget to leave good reviews for my positive experience. But if I have a negative experience, I am much more likely gonna post about that.

[catfeeder]

Most people are not motivated enough to post reviews unless a 'product' makes them feel fabulous or lousy. Well, therapy often feels lousy before anything fabulous can be brought about--and most people don't want to do that work.

 

Therapy isn't like a car wash where you go in to get all the dirt rinsed off. It often requires getting dirty and doing the work required to move past it. Much easier to blame a therapist than invest in that work, so reviews of a therapist are often written by people whose problems include blaming others rather than doing their work.

 

I'd start therapy alone, because you're the one who needs someone to confide in beyond your partner, who isn't qualified to double as a therapist and can't be 'everything' to someone who is isolated. You may find that having your own outlet can alleviate some of the pressure you may be placing on your partner, which may help the relationship. If not, then you'll have your own resource to help you to consider whether couple's counseling is worth the investment--but make sure it's a different counselor, not the one you use privately.

 

Head high, and write more if it helps.