Have you ever ghosted someone and why?

[katrina1980]

To add to my above posts, to his credit, my brother is aware of his issues and tries hard to keep it casual, but every once in awhile he will fall hard and his "issues" pop up.

 

He's fine when its just casual though.

[figureitout23]

Thanks for your response Katrina.

 

OPer by my own definition, I have never ghosted anyone although I have been ghosted twice. Both came back trying to reconcile. I'm not with either of them. Although lately the second ghoster is trying very hard to get back in my good graces which I'm automatically assuming he wants to get in my pants so I'm not giving him the time of day, but I do find what Katrina is saying quite interesting when put into my situation. When I originally posted many responders stated there had to be a reason he ghosted after so long and I kept saying there wasn't one. I don't think anyone believed me, I almost didn't believe myself! Deffinetely crazy making if you let it be, haha.

[Thainara]

Oh I agree with you; I am constantly on him about this. In fact, it's because of me he entered therapy in the first place, to try and resolve.

 

It's helped a little, but he still struggles. He really does want a RL, that's the baffling part. But the same shyt keeps happening.

 

He's a really good guy though, very sensitive, more so than average.

 

Has a ton of love to give, I really wish he would resolve this cause it breaks my heart.

 

Not only for him but for the women he gets involved with too.

 

It's interesting that you said "because they (the women) felt they had a genuine connection."

 

They DID have a genuine connection (both of them), that's precisely why he ran. It just made him too nervous and uncomfortable and his anxiety went through the roof.

 

Yeah maybe he should stop dating, but he needs love and connection like we all do.

 

I don't know what the answer is. I struggle too with my own issues, not nearly as severe as his though.

 

 

 

I've read a lot about emotionally unavailable men after this guy I had. I was really a mess bc he was the most sweet, passionate, affectionate, attentive and romantic guy I've ever had. Very in love with me, making plans for the near future and all that BS. We stayed together for 3 months. He used to call/text me everyday maaaany times a day. And then in 2 weeks he started panicking and having anxiety about the future. In my researches I found out that this kind of guy never had a long lasting relationship... not true! This guy was married for 8 years and was divorced for 1 year. According to him, a very bad relationship from which he left traumatized and was just too afraid of making another bad choice despite of recognizing me and his ex were way too different. So I do think a "trauma" can turn them into those hurtful guys. He never came after though... but I do know we had a real connection for awhile.

[thorough]

I never ghost any guy that I've gone on one date w/. As hard as it is to reject someone, I think that's a lot nicer then just ghosting. If after the guy doesn't get the picture, I don't respond to him anymore.

[Batya33]

I never saw it as a rejection if a guy didn't ask me on a second date. Typically he barely knew me. Silence meant lack of interest. I responded to an invitation for another date with a polite no thanks if it was safe to do so. It wasn't always.

[CBC2000]

I was actually ghosted last week and I’m honestly not sure why, maybe when he decides to text me and if I decide to respond, I will let you know lol

[nambia123]

I think some people do not understand what ghosting is. Ghosting is when you suddenly stop responding to someone who is expressing continued interest in you or vice versa.

 

It is not ghosting if someone fails to contact you if you have not contacted them. If two people do not contact each other then neither is being ignored so no ghosting is happening.

 

I keep hearing people say "oh, I went on a few dates and never heard from him again, I was ghosted".. however she never messaged him either so I don't agree that she was ghosted. Both faded out, no ghosting.

[ShatteredMan]

When she got so drunk she asked another guy for his number right in front of me while we were on a date. If I hadn't left the bottle of Scotch at her place, I wouldn't have given her a ride home that night.

[katrina1980]

I think some people do not understand what ghosting is. Ghosting is when you suddenly stop responding to someone who is expressing continued interest in you or vice versa.

 

It is not ghosting if someone fails to contact you if you have not contacted them. If two people do not contact each other then neither is being ignored so no ghosting is happening.

 

I keep hearing people say "oh, I went on a few dates and never heard from him again, I was ghosted".. however she never messaged him either so I don't agree that she was ghosted. Both faded out, no ghosting.

 

Agree with above but I think "ghosting" is one of those words/terms that has no technical definition and okay to be defined however one wishes to define.

 

Like many people believe when internet chatting, if one doesn't reply to last text/email, many people believe they were ghosted, but if the other doesn't text/email again either, to me it's not ghosting, it's two people realizing they're not all that interested, and don't wish to chat anymore.

[Batya33]

I don't think broadening the definition to men who don't ask for a first or second date (or third I suppose) or women who don't respond to an invitation for an early date or even earlier to a stranger you haven't met not responding to a text or email it dilutes it for those where it has that negative connotation of being left high and dry in a hurtful way -after you've invested time and emotion in a person you know in real life romantically and been out on several dates or more I think a proper conversation if it's not going to go further is in order.

 

And with platonic "cyber" friends where it's not romantic in the least then sure you can develop a true friendship on line where disappearing would make the other person concerned about safety, or if something was taken the wrong way, etc. - then it's easy to send a quick text or email explaining - but again if the other person is concerned that that would be unsafe or trigger harassment then I would understand that as well.

[darknesswithin]

Ghosted my ex-wife once our divorce started. She was playing mind games and trying to manipulate the situation. I needed time to heal. Our lawyers did the talking until we were divorced.

[Seymore]

I’ve been accused of it but not sure if it applies. Was in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship and one day I left. I walked in, told her it was done and walked out. I feel bad for leaving her kids as well as I never got to say goodbye since the incident was such a whirlwind but I was sick of the mind games. I got accused of being a commitment phobe and ghosting her but IMO “ghosting” is another term for NC. I warned her for almost a year beforehand that I was losing my patience for the change that was never going to come.

 

She stalked me for well over a year since then so I don’t care what label people put on that. I may not have done it as gracefully as many would but I personally wouldn’t call it ghosting.

[gijeanie]

I wanted to update this. A week after I had been ghosted I noticed a girl who is a friend on his Facebook updated her profile picture of them together with people saying they can't wait to meet him and them being a cute couple. I think he got a gf while he was talking to me and instead of telling me just lead me on then ghosted me. It was weird because he seemed to really like me. I guess he felt guilty and backed out of hooking up and ghosted me. Who knows. Totally weird. Don't understand why he did that like that.

[progprof2017]

I've never ghosted someone, but I have been ghosted, recently, after 14 months together! He's 35, so dismissing it as a youthful mistake is not possible. It was so confusing and hurtful (we clicked, never had an argument, etc)- but I took control of it after a month of non-response from him, and dumped him (that got a response, lol)- calmly and politely. I didn't ask why- I don't think their reasons are ever good enough (unless they're escaping abuse), and would not be honest. The only thing that matters is that the behaviour confirmed what I always suspected- that he was immature, commitment phobic, and emotionally unavailable. So, in a way, I feel I dodged a bullet- because when push comes to shove, I would never be able to depend on him during troubled times.

 

I've learned that in cases of ghosting, it is all about the ghost, and not about YOU. We could waste years hurting over this and trying to figure out why he/she ghosted. This is just how some people "deal" with things- whether it's fear of intimacy, or even if they just lost interest... their behaviour stems from their own issues. I haven't heard from this guy in 6 weeks, and I don't know if I ever will (haven't seen him in 2.5 months). I think he's too cowardly to face me, and it would just dredge up his guilt, which he clearly doesn't want to face.

[gijeanie]

Ghosting is immature and pathetic. It is one of the cruelest ways to break it off with someone. Most people deserve a goodbye and closure. The worse part is that a lot of ghosters end up coming back. People shouldn't lead people on. If you don't want to be with someone be honest up front.