Have you ever ghosted someone and why?

[Katout]

Did he ever come back or try and contact you after that?

 

How long were you dating him? What did your second email say?

 

When someone ghosts like that, after a significant time dating, it's usually more about them and their issues than it is about you.

How long were you dating him? What did your second email say?

We was together for 6 months.

The email I sent him stating “I really hope your ok and I hope I haven’t done anything wrong. Whatever your going through I would of stuck by you no matter what. I understand if I don’t hear from you. I promise not to contact u again.

Just look after yourself x

[katrina1980]

>>The email I sent him stating “I really hope your ok and I hope I haven’t done anything wrong. Whatever your going through I would of stuck by you no matter what. I understand if I don’t hear from you. I promise not to contact u again.

Just look after yourself x.

OMG that is so sweet, and he just ignored that?

 

I rarely say this about a guy, but heartless bastard.

 

I'm so sorry.

[gijeanie]

How long were you dating him? What did your second email say?

We was together for 6 months.

The email I sent him stating “I really hope your ok and I hope I haven’t done anything wrong. Whatever your going through I would of stuck by you no matter what. I understand if I don’t hear from you. I promise not to contact u again.

Just look after yourself x

 

Great email. Sorry you went through that. I know it must have been hard not having a why

[katrina1980]

I think I am getting posters mixed up! lol

 

Katout and gijeanne, I can't figure out what quite happened and to whom other than you were both ghosted?

 

Katout after six months and gijeanne immediately prior to first time "hook up" (sex)?

 

Sorry guys!

[Katout]

 

Great email. Sorry you went through that. I know it must have been hard not having a why

I still think about him and some days I wait for he’s email. I think I just need to know the reasons why.

I just hope everything he said or felt wasn’t a lie to him. We had an amazing 6 months, Just didn’t get it.

[gijeanie]

I'm thinking your right. Mine got scared and bolted but it's still crapy thing to do on his part. I miss him but more than anything I want him to message me so I can tell him how it made me feel.

[Katout]

I was the one who got ghosted after 6 months

[gijeanie]

I was the one who got ghosted after 6 months

 

Mine was 3 months

[gijeanie]

I was the one who got ghosted after 6 months

 

What would you say to yours if he came back today?

[katrina1980]

I'm thinking your right. Mine got scared and bolted but it's still crapy thing to do on his part. I miss him but more than anything I want him to message me so I can tell him how it made me feel.

 

I am fairly certain he already knows how it made you feel, which is why he hasn't contacted.

 

He doesn't want to deal.

[Katout]

I think I am getting posters mixed up! lol

 

Katout and gijeanne, I can't figure out what quite happened and to whom other than you were both ghosted?

 

Katout after six months and gijeanne immediately prior to first time "hook up" (sex)?

 

Sorry guys!

 

What would you say to yours if he came back today?

Maybe the reasons why? And if everything he said or felt was real.

[gijeanie]

I am fairly certain he already knows how it made you feel, which is why he hasn't contacted.

 

He doesn't want to deal.

 

That's true and I may never hear from him again. That will be his loss.

[katrina1980]

Maybe the reasons why? And if everything he said or felt was real.

 

Would you really expect him to tell you it wasn't real though even if true?

 

No guy, or very few, would ever be honest about that.

 

That's why I would never ask in the first place. Futile waste of energy.

 

Bottom line, for whatever reason -- fear, lost interest, met someone else, got back with an ex, not over his ex, whatever, he wasn't interested in pursuing further and didn't have the guts to tell you.

[Jibralta]

Just curious what people's reasons are for ghosting.

 

A couple reasons come to mind:

 

--Not attracted, felt bad about that, and didn't really know them well enough to explain

 

--Couldn't get rid of them

 

--Needed space (so it was temporary)

 

--Creeped out/ slightly afraid of someone and didn't want to confront and offend them. Just wanted to be gone without argument.

[gijeanie]

Would you really expect him to tell you it wasn't real though even if true?

 

No guy, or very few, would ever be honest about that.

 

That's why I would never ask in the first place. Futile waste of energy.

 

Bottom line, for whatever reason -- fear, lost interest, met someone else, got back with an ex, not over his ex, whatever, he wasn't interested in pursuing further and didn't have the guts to tell you.

 

It's true most guys would never be true with their reasons even if they come back. I would still like some sort of Reason when they leave though even if it's not true instead of being left hanging. That's why I give everyone a reason that I decide to disengage with. It's just kinder and more respectful. Ghosting just seems so immature. Treat everyone as if you want to be treated.

 

It probably was real. We all tend to hurt the ones they love and that love them for stupid selfish reasons. It could be it was so amazing but he just really didn't want a relationship at the moment but didn't want to tell you. Guys I notice get commitment phobia. It's crazy I know but it happens. I know it wasn't you though.

[DancingFool]

Read your other thread OP, and I still say that you should beware of any guy who takes off on you at 1000 mph with all the talking texting every single day. It's a red flag. Explicitly planning on sex.....I mean it's just weird and yeah, kind of creates some seriously awkward pressure. He has issues, had issues all along, buckled under his own self created pressure and bolted. Pretty much par for the course of the burn hot burn out fast variety of people. In this case he buckled before he even caught the fish.....kind of goofy really.

 

Forget the ghosting part, try to look back to see the red flags leading up to it. They are there and that's the lesson to take away from this weird experience - how to avoid these kinds of clowns in the future.....'cause he isn't the only one.

[gijeanie]

Read your other thread OP, and I still say that you should beware of any guy who takes off on you at 1000 mph with all the talking texting every single day. It's a red flag. Explicitly planning on sex.....I mean it's just weird and yeah, kind of creates some seriously awkward pressure. He has issues, had issues all along, buckled under his own self created pressure and bolted. Pretty much par for the course of the burn hot burn out fast variety of people. In this case he buckled before he even caught the fish.....kind of goofy really.

 

Forget the ghosting part, try to look back to see the red flags leading up to it. They are there and that's the lesson to take away from this weird experience - how to avoid these kinds of clowns in the future.....'cause he isn't the only one.

 

Yeah it is weird that a guy would run before sex and not after. I honestly have never even heard such a thing. I see your point. I'm at a loss of words about the whole thing.

[Batya33]

Yeah it is weird that a guy would run before sex and not after. I honestly have never even heard such a thing. I see your point. I'm at a loss of words about the whole thing.

 

Not weird at all. He probably never intended to meet in person and just wanted a chat buddy to flirt with.

[gijeanie]

Not weird at all. He probably never intended to meet in person and just wanted a chat buddy to flirt with.

 

We've already met in person.

[Batya33]

We've already met in person.

 

OK. Then I agree with Dancing Fool. Please try not to get so invested in near strangers -dating is hard and requires a thick skin but at least to me it was worth it to find the right person.

[Thainara]

Fear of commitment/relationships.

 

Folks with these issues are notorious for running when things are going well, because when things are going well, naturally the next stage is commitment. Which is what they fear or don't want.

 

They're so panicked they can't even explain why, all they know is they're uncomfortable and need SPACE. So they ghost. They may return later.

 

My brother is like this. In fact, the more he likes a girl and things are going well, the more panicked he gets!

 

When he's not all that into her, but still wants to date her for whatever reasons, he usually has a rotation of girls and it lasts longer, until of course she starts pressuring for commitment, then he's off and running.

 

Makes no sense and if I hadn't witnessed this with my own eyes, I might not believe it myself.

 

He KNOWS he has issues though and is trying to resolve, he really struggles with it!

 

 

Very interesting. I had a guy like this. I have one question: does he suffer/grieve/feels like sh*t when they split up?

[katrina1980]

Very interesting. I had a guy like this. I have one question: does he suffer/grieve/feels like sh*t when they split up?

 

At first it's relief. Then after awhile of NC, he starts missing her, and in a few cases attempted to reconnect.

 

I recall one girl he was off/on with for a few years till I think she finally had enough.

 

He did have one very serious RL in high school/early college. I still remember her, her name was (still is lol) Sandy.

 

They were together for a few years, he was very much in love with her. He did not have these "issues" back then.

 

But the summer before SHE went off to college she broke up with him.

 

He was absolutely destroyed. Stayed in his room (door closed) all summer, listening to music.

 

It was so hard, cause none of us knew how to help.

 

Eventually I suppose he recovered but after that experience, he's had a very tough time sticking with one girl and committing.

 

I can't help but think it's because of how destroyed he was when Sandy left him.

 

But who knows, my parents had an awful marriage and divorced around that time too.

 

That has affected me (not in a good way), so I'm sure it affected him too.

[katrina1980]

You know, in thinking about my brother, and how the more into a girl he is, the more he panics, I wonder if it's a sort of PTSD (post traumatic stress).

 

When he starts to fall in love, the old memories of Sandy pop up, and how devastated he was when she left, and his anxiety about that skyrockets and over-rides any sense of rational reasoning.

 

I mean I have seen him literally panic. Heart racing, trouble sleeping, it's a real genuine fear; once before a date with a chick he REALLY liked, he broke out in a cold sweat!

 

He was so panicked, he actually broke the date.

 

He's a bit better now than back then, but still I wonder if it's related to his experience with Sandy somehow.

[figureitout23]

You know, in thinking about my brother, and how the more into a girl he is, the more he panics, I wonder if it's a sort of PTSD (post traumatic stress).

 

When he starts to fall in love, the old memories of Sandy pop up, and how devastated he was when she left, and his anxiety about that skyrockets and over-rides any sense of rational reasoning.

 

I mean I have seen him literally panic. Heart racing, trouble sleeping, it's a real genuine fear; once before a date with a chick he REALLY liked, he broke out in a cold sweat!

 

He was so panicked, he actually broke the date.

 

He's a bit better now than back then, but still I wonder if it's related to his experience with Sandy somehow.

 

It's quite possible but it's no excuse to keep loving and leaving women.

 

There's an obvious pattern that he recognizes. he should get help or be single wouldn't you say? I mean you see his side because he's your brother and you love him, but I wonder how many women were heartbroken because they felt they had a genuine connections and he bolted leaving her feeling confused and like she did something wrong.

 

Maybe he should take a dating break?

[katrina1980]

It's quite possible but it's no excuse to keep loving and leaving women.

 

There's an obvious pattern that he recognizes. he should get help or be single wouldn't you say? I mean you see his side because he's your brother and you love him, but I wonder how many women were heartbroken because they felt they had a genuine connections and he bolted leaving her feeling confused and like she did something wrong.

 

Maybe he should take a dating break?

 

Oh I agree with you; I am constantly on him about this. In fact, it's because of me he entered therapy in the first place, to try and resolve.

 

It's helped a little, but he still struggles. He really does want a RL, that's the baffling part. But the same shyt keeps happening.

 

He's a really good guy though, very sensitive, more so than average.

 

Has a ton of love to give, I really wish he would resolve this cause it breaks my heart.

 

Not only for him but for the women he gets involved with too.

 

It's interesting that you said "because they (the women) felt they had a genuine connection."

 

They DID have a genuine connection (both of them), that's precisely why he ran. It just made him too nervous and uncomfortable and his anxiety went through the roof.

 

Yeah maybe he should stop dating, but he needs love and connection like we all do.

 

I don't know what the answer is. I struggle too with my own issues, not nearly as severe as his though.