No contact... missed opportunity?

[Sr1993]

So this is something that’s always bothered me. I recently posted about my ex girlfriend of 3 years breaking up with me over 8 months ago and still not getting over it. Also on how she was seeing someone else. This isn’t really related to that as I feel like I’m too far past that stage.

 

The whole no contact thing is supposedly suppose to either help you get over everything or bring you back together in my eyes. But do you not think that while going through the no contact stage you could potentially miss a opportunity to get back with you ex? Because if your not speaking or seeing her/him they could be moving on a lot quicker and nothing thinking about you.

 

Surely if you want to be able to get back with them or make things work you need to be in their mind somewhere and not completely forgotten?

 

I may be rambling on making no sence but there must be some logic to it?

[ThatwasThen]

During the dating period, if someone wants to get back with you, they will contact you. No amount of talking or trying to insinuate yourself into someone's life is going to get them to change their mind if it's truly made up. There are no lost opportunities by going no contact.

[boltnrun]

Unless your ex suffered some kind of head injury, it's highly unlikely they will forget you ever existed.

[Rustysuit]

So this is something that’s always bothered me. I recently posted about my ex girlfriend of 3 years breaking up with me over 8 months ago and still not getting over it. Also on how she was seeing someone else. This isn’t really related to that as I feel like I’m too far past that stage.

 

The whole no contact thing is supposedly suppose to either help you get over everything or bring you back together in my eyes. But do you not think that while going through the no contact stage you could potentially miss a opportunity to get back with you ex? Because if your not speaking or seeing her/him they could be moving on a lot quicker and nothing thinking about you.

 

Surely if you want to be able to get back with them or make things work you need to be in their mind somewhere and not completely forgotten?

 

I may be rambling on making no sence but there must be some logic to it?

 

There's no magic formula or 100% sure way to get your ex back together. NC just happens to be the best thing you can do both for healing and to get back together eventually because it gives the EX the opportunity to miss you. It will 100% work for the healing part. As for getting back together, it's a different story. Generally, people break up for a reason or many reasons and it's highly debatable if you should keep communication going because it often backfires and pushes the ex further away.

 

Also, just to be clear, before NC or in any breakup is good if things are left clear like "I don't agree with this, I want to work things out, but I understand and I accept your decision. If you ever want to try again and give us another shot, you know where to find me." and leave it at that. That puts the ball back on the the party that did the dumping while you're clear to start healing.

[firelily]

Or, you can contact her to talk about you guys, to say that you feel about her, ask her if she did some thinking over what you had, has she moved on etc. Maybe she could tell you something final. That probably would hurt like hell, but maybe it would be an easier way for you to move on than to keep hanging for the next few months, hoping, keeping NC as a strategy rather than for your own sake.

 

Did she break up with you because you were arguing and she couldn't get you to change something that made her unhappy, or did she just fall out of love with you and now is happy with another guy?

[Elavohra]

That's the thing about being dumpee, we keep on hovering around our ex while they're stubborn about their decision to break up. Why do you care for her now? She didn't think of loosing you as her loss.

No contact is for you, it's for your peace of mind and sanity. Anyway, you know you can't change her mind rather I want you to keep looking forward. Focus on your own growth and development.

[catfeeder]

Far better to leave her alone than to make her wish that you would leave her alone.

 

Ex is far more likely to think of you fondly at some point given ample opportunity to do so voluntarily. Staying on her radar will have the opposite impact, and you can't recover from a push too far.