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[B]Ex wants to get her feelings back for me, wants to build relationship, broke NC[/B]

sauvi

By sauvi
in Getting Back Together

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sauvi Apprentice

sauvi

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she broke up with me 2 months ago. She lost her feelings for me. At first said she no longer sees us together in the future. After I initiated NC, she contacts me asking to meet her for coffee. She wants to be friends. She tells me she feels I am the best thing that happened to her and wants to start building our relationship and see what happens. She would like to have those feelings back and believes those feelings migh come back by us building the relationship. We are LDR of 4 years. She even invited me to visit her for a weekend to try to build that relationship again.

 

So, she broke NC, after claiming there is no possibility of us getting back toghether, a month afterwards she says she wants to build relationship with me hoping to get those feelings back...

If I go NC - that will not be possible. She is probably stringing me along...I really don't know what to do...

Do you have any advice, any similar experiences?

 

please help

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sauvi Apprentice

sauvi

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What does she mean by trying to get her feelings back? Why would you want to be with someone who has to try and force their feelings for You?

 

i was the culprit - los my focus on us and our relationship bc of job-related issues. She kept saying to me that we need to work on us, but I completely ignored. She had enough, she lost that partnership connection with me due to dissapointment and my inability to invest in us. I want her back, she wants the same, but said she lost feelings for me.

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Giblesp Rising Star

Giblesp

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NC will actually be a quicker path to her getting those feelings back. Much higher chance of her not getting those feelings back, if you get back. Imagine hanging out with her thinking if she's got those feelings back, or maybe she's bored, or maybe she's noticinhg the attractive man in the cafe/bar.

 

How can you relax in that situation? She'll then feel that and it'll serve to push her way. You'll be sitting there like a limp d##k.

 

Better to give her the gift of missing you, and disappear completely. Tell her your not interested in friendship and if she feels the same way she can give you a call.

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sauvi Apprentice

sauvi

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She doesn't know what she wants or how she feels

 

I was in this same situation several time with my first real GF and I always stayed and tried. The end result wasn't pretty because it kept happening. After the first few times I had enough and I broke up.

 

Rustysuit, what kept happening?

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Rustysuit Community Regular

Rustysuit

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Rustysuit, what kept happening?

 

"I don't know what I'm feeling, I'm not feeling the same, but I don't want to break up. I'm confused." etc. etc. etc. I put up with this for 4 years several times a year because I loved her. But if after 4 years she still says crap like this...I finally had enough

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  • 1 month later...
sauvi Apprentice

sauvi

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just update - i cut all contact with her. sent her an email explaining that i am not going to let her string me along, trying to hang together in hope she will get feelings for me again, while she reserves the right to tell me if she finds someone new. she is great person, but i cannot handle this. a month ago she slept over at my place - i fell apart completely and cried all night long.

i realized this was not healthy for me - this hope that she might love me again one day. she kept saying that we should be happy to have each other - i told her that is not the case, she decided to let me go and i am no longer part of her life.

 

honestly, the best thing for dumpee is to cut all contact and move on. i am worth more and deserve more than breadcrumbs she kept giving me. do the same - let go no matter how hard and impossible it seems. time heals everything and i am looking forward to the day when i will be completely indifferent towards her and she would just be distant memory.

 

good luck to you all

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Mikey383 Community Regular

Mikey383

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she hasn't dated anyone

 

Are you positive she did not try dating? I feel that you may be getting strung along...

 

I was in a similar situation... And no matter how different the stories may be among many of us on here, I am realizing that the results are the same.

 

After 2.5 years the EX and I split up for 3 months.... I went NC (although I did made it clear that I wanted her back, and to work on us, fix our issues for the right reasons )... She did not tell me at first, but tried to date others. She felt that the grass was greener elsewhere.. Actually she even liked a guy, but he did not pursue her the same... I assume she even slept with him (but told me that she only kissed him)... Riiiigghhttt... But technically we were broken up, so she could do as she pleased.... He got what he needed and dropped her fast... Apparently he would not return her texts fast enough... And I know her... She is clingy, needy, and needs constant communication... She would blow up my phone non-stop when we were together...

 

Then somehow we began communication again, and we got back together for another 3 months... I seriously thought that she wanted to work on our issues (just as I did).... She claimed to be still very in love with me... But nope... I was soooo wrong... Yes she came back, but for the wrong reasons... She came back to string me along because she was lonely, safe and constant sex, familiar to her... She strung me along for another 3 months until she hooked on to someone new and dumped me again... That behavior is selfish and to hold you back from moving on...

 

So, be careful...

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  • 2 weeks later...
Learningagain Apprentice

Learningagain

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I have just come out of a similar situation and i regret getting back together. The break up was my fault as i didnt allow a future together, but regardless the end product was the same, she lost her feelings and we broke up, i told her that i want a future with her and she should contact me only if her mind changes about things and i went full NC, a week later she contacts and we give it another try, but we failed even worse. If your ex has lost her feeling then she has basically lost attraction for you, simple as that. You cannot recreate that attraction by quickly getting back together as the same people you were, you need to become a newer and better version of you, to whom she can get attracted to, the old version of you will never recreate that. For this new version of you to happen, you really have to go NC and develop yourself into a better you, this is your time to be selfish and work on you, take yourself to the next level. if after you have achieved this and you have moved on AND you still want her, then contact her and start dating again if she is up for it, yes dating not trying to get back together, you are a new person she is meeting and hopefully she has grown in the that time also.

In my case we got back together, did the same habits and daily routine and hoped things would be different, how wrong were we!!!It just confirmed to her that we are totally over, if i had a very slim chance after the first break up, then that was eradicated after this time around. Now im in NC and slowly pulling my self together heading for the growth island, i will only come back and contact her once im a new and better person. It has happened to me in my previous relationship and i cant begin to describe how much i developed and improved as a man!!! changed my life. I ended up reconnecting with that ex and we did hook up like two new people meeting for the first time and it was amazing, but we lived in different countries so we decided not to take it further, today she is my best friend!!

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