She left me in pieces......

[TurtleDog]

Hey guys.

So a year ago in October I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years. This woman was very toxic; she had guys constantly after her and was very receptive of their advances, cheated on me, sent pictures to people, and sexted with people and saw nothing wrong with anything she did, if I got upset then I was treated like I was some sort of evil monster. She blamed me for everything she did, even when she cheated on me. I was put in a position where I had to hack into her online accounts or check her phone constantly to make sure that she was behaving online, and she never was...there was always something I found where she was flirting or sexting with someone, and once again...it was always my fault.

I really did love her, she even has kids who I absolutely adored and I was always doing stuff with her and the kids or with just her. The last month of the relationship I started to feel nothing for her and even had been tempted to cheat on her, I ended up breaking up with her because I couldn't stand feeling like I had to constantly be looking over my shoulder, wondering what she would do to hurt or upset me next.....it was really hard because her oldest had started to call me dad instead of by my name.

My ex and I continued to hang out after the break up, we were friends with benefits for a bit, but there was still romantic tension that kept us doing the same stuff that we did while we were together, but once again...when things seemed to be heading toward a relationship, I would find out she was talking to other guys.

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Now shes dating someone else, someone who she seems to be very loyal to and it hurts because I can't help but wonder why I wasn't worthy of that loyalty?

She had admitted to me that she had made me pay for what her abusive ex did to her, he abused her daily and the abuse is the reason she has the kids.

Its giving me so much anxiety.....

She said she wanted to marry me and be with me forever, but never acted like she truly cared because there was always someone she was talking to who I had to worry about, or she was sending nudes to other people.

How do I fix myself? I'm a mess and I don't know how to fix myself.....

[MissCanuck]

I am sorry you're having such a hard time, OP.

 

I think the best way forward is to realize you have more power here than you realize. You need to identify why you allowed yourself to be so horribly mistreated - in doing so, you will be able to fix whatever issues you struggle with so you never find yourself in another dysfunctional relationship again. Take your power back and work on getting yourself emotionally healthy again.

 

Also, you need to stop believing what this woman tells you. She didn't cheat on you and mistreat you because her ex was abusive. What a cop-out. Plenty of abuse victims do not treat their subsequent partners the way she treated you. I am not suggesting she was not abused nor that she doesn't struggle with the after-effects. But that is not why she treated you like manure. That was her selfishness and lack of respect, her own ego talking. Furthermore, I highly doubt she is suddenly going to be Polly Sunshine with her new guy. Her tendency to misbehave runs deep, it seems, and it's likely only a matter of time until she is doing it to him too. You say she "seems" loyal - what does that even mean? Assuming you are not with them behind closed doors, you have no idea what the real story is.

 

I am not sure where you are getting the details of her current relationship from, but you need to cut off that source. You also need to work on changing the narrative in your head: instead of asking yourself why you weren't worthy of her, ask yourself why you flushed your standards down the toilet and stuck by a woman as low-quality as her. She wasn't worthy of you. So what was it that kept you there? I don't think it was her, really, as much as likely a fear of being alone or not thinking you deserve better. Once you realize you played a significant role in your own unhappiness, you can begin to work on rebuilding your self-perception so you'll filter out craptacular people like her in the future.

[Honeycomb8]

Hahahaha ur ex will never be able to be loyal or a good partner to anyone. I guarantee you're gonna look back on this in a two years time and be so glad you never have to deal with her again.