Getting tired of this

[Creamybutter]

I need some advice.. And please be nice..

 

Of late I've noticed guys from dating sites are very passive when it comes to showing any interest..

 

Its almost like they do nothing much to take it further or get to know me. Just an initial hello hi and some 5 minute conversation and it ends there.

 

I initiate the conversation a few times and then i just let it go...they don't initiate and we never even meet up.

 

. Beginning to feel really hopeless about this.

[Starlight925]

This has been going on for some time. I was last online about 1.5 years ago, where I met the guy I just broke up with, but I recall the general male passivity as well.

 

I put the blame largely on the women, actually. Any man who has tried online dating for more than a month has faced so much rejection, they shy away from just about anything.

 

The other thing is that so many people are on there, when they really shouldn't be. They've just met someone they like, or they've just broken up, and they just aren't really in a position to be dating. So they window shop. It was a problem in my last relationship, where he was on many sites (at least 3) for several months after he asked for exclusivity, and his only excuse was that he didn't pick anyone. He's now back on the sites, literally days after our breakup, yet he just texted me some sad face texts this morning. In his profile, he's this happy-go-lucky guy, looking for a relationship, but the reality is, he's not emotionally available at this time.

 

So, there is just a huge combination of stuff that leads to the passivity of the men. I completely get it, as I recall it was almost like the females were invisible.

[pippy longstocking]

I put the blame largely on the women, actually. Any man who has tried online dating for more than a month has faced so much rejection, they shy away from just about anything.

 

my thoughts exactly !

[rosephase]

Why not ask them to meet up first thing? A quick coffee would do a lot more to let you guys know if you are even vaguely interested in each other, then a handful of text exchanges. Find out if there is even a possibility of liking each other before you get worried about keeping up a conversation.

[DancingFool]

Why not ask them to meet up first thing? A quick coffee would do a lot more to let you guys know if you are even vaguely interested in each other, then a handful of text exchanges. Find out if there is even a possibility of liking each other before you get worried about keeping up a conversation.

 

^This. Don't waste your time trying to get to know someone via text and emails. Just meet and see if there is anything real there between the two of you in person. Unfortunately, most of the time that in person chemistry will be lacking even if your email exchanges are amazing. If anything, it can set up false hopes and expectations. Easier to start out with a blank slate with a person than come in with expectations only to be surprised that they are not how you imagined them to be. Emphasis on imagined.

 

When I was online, I'd suggest to meet pretty fast if the guy wasn't asking for the same. Literally, couple of e-mails and I'd suggest meeting up. It's very likely that many people are taking the same path nowadays as they realize what a waste of time emailing is.

[thealchemist]

I need some advice.. And please be nice..

 

Of late I've noticed guys from dating sites are very passive when it comes to showing any interest..

 

Its almost like they do nothing much to take it further or get to know me. Just an initial hello hi and some 5 minute conversation and it ends there.

 

I initiate the conversation a few times and then i just let it go...they don't initiate and we never even meet up.

 

. Beginning to feel really hopeless about this.

Even on legitimate dating site most guys I know of go on to get in a girls pants. Some want a real relationship, but they are the minority. Many of those guys who lose interest quickly are also just looking for sex. They quickly assess if you will be worth the effort.

 

Those guys are not really what you want anyways. It is just the sheer number of crappy matches that flood you make it hard to find someone looking for the same thing as you.

[lostandhurt]

When I was online dating if I sent a message or received one and I was interested I made sure to show interest without looking desperate or to into them. Once a woman thinks you are all into them they assume they have you hooked and start checking their other fishing poles to see if they have bites and how big the fish are.

 

I agree meeting sooner is the best policy. After a couple of messages I would suggest taking the conversation to another media or meet in person. Of course you never know they woman's comfort level so I would leave it up to them. Like "It has been nice talking to you on here but I would prefer talking on the phone or even meeting for a drink so we can get to know each other better" Then let them pick what they want to do.

 

Most women have way more options than men and unfortunately begin to treat the men that contact them as easily replaced because they just have to wait a day or so and more men will message them. It devalues people of both sexes.

 

I have spoken to women that when they respond to a message from a guy sometimes the very next message from him is for naked pics or to meet for sex. There are guys playing the numbers game for sure trying to score.

 

If anyone is keeping score I always looked for a relationship but it seems I was in the minority.

 

Lost