lonleygal1989 Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 should i aways have to wait on his apporoval to go places and do things, i feel like me having a friend is stiring up drama between us, i want to go hang out with her but it's always a problem, or he tells me no i can't go. he dosn't socialize much but do i have to be the same way. finally have someone to hang with after years and now it's just stressful Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 should i aways have to wait on his apporoval to go places and do things, i feel like me having a friend is stiring up drama between us, i want to go hang out with her but it's always a problem, or he tells me no i can't go. he dosn't socialize much but do i have to be the same way. finally have someone to hang with after years and now it's just stressful That kind of control borders on abuse. Dump him. Link to comment
lonleygal1989 Posted August 7, 2017 Author Share Posted August 7, 2017 thats not gonna happen, we have two kids and it's not that bad, im just wanting advice to move past this phase, how to get him to come to terms with me haveing a friend, and going out by myself sometimes, Link to comment
j.man Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 While having such an infantile dynamic wherein you need "approval" to do anything is bad under any circumstance, I will also reply with the understanding you two live together and have a toddler. Are you being told "no" to simply having friends and a social life? Obviously then, yeah, that's a case for abuse. Or are their issues of money and logistics (things like having one car, work schedules, other responsibilities) that conflict with the particular outings you're wanting to go on? Link to comment
blue143 Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 i was in a relationship like this before. ended it. he kept getting more and more controlling. it didn't work. shows he has no trust for you. Link to comment
lonleygal1989 Posted August 7, 2017 Author Share Posted August 7, 2017 we have two kids infant and toddler, no money issues two vehicles, and he wants me to only talk to and see her when it's not cutting into our time, which is any time he's off and she works and gose to school too, so obviously thats not gonna match up perfectly pretty much almost never! he's not saying i can't have friends but just trying to dictate what and when i can do anything with her, he is worried about the things she dose rubbing off on me (im a grown ass woman, i move to the beat of my own drum) except with him, but he doesn't even understand that it's her friend that dose all the things he dosn't like, yeah her and her husband have had problems but they are holding strong through everything. Link to comment
lonleygal1989 Posted August 7, 2017 Author Share Posted August 7, 2017 since we been together it just been me and him, so im sure he needs time to adjust, but it's been almost a month now and nothing but drama back to back, i just told him im leaving when he gets off he dosen't seem to be fighting me on it, but doesn't mean it won't come up and be used on a later date, i just hope not because im really over all of it, so it about to be forced down his thoat Link to comment
Pleasedonot5 Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 His approval isn't necessary. His controlling behavior is unacceptable. Either: 1. Dump him 2. Hang out with her anyway Link to comment
j.man Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 His approval isn't necessary. His controlling behavior is unacceptable. Either: 1. Dump him 2. Hang out with her anywaySeems simple enough to me. I'm not sure why you're asking him to begin with. Next time there's something going on and he's going to be home to watch the kids, just let him know as a matter of fact you've got plans with Stacy you'll be doing. I mean what are you doing, just slumping your shoulders and going "oh shucks" when he says you can't go? Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 since we been together it just been me and him, so im sure he needs time to adjust, but it's been almost a month now and nothing but drama back to back, i just told him im leaving when he gets off he dosen't seem to be fighting me on it, but doesn't mean it won't come up and be used on a later date, i just hope not because im really over all of it, so it about to be forced down his thoat To be fair, you may get different advise if you ask this on the relationship boards. This kind of behavior while dating is of course unacceptable, but you two aren't just dating, so it's a much different animal. You live together. You have responsibilities and kids. I wouldn't be ok with my mate just dumping the kids and all the household responsibilities on me while they went out all the time. Now that's not to say that it's ok to not ever let you go out, that's extreme and yeah abusive behavior, but if he's simply asking you to be responsible and take care of home first, he isn't wrong. Again, a dating board may be the wrong place to ask this question. Was that strategic on your part? Link to comment
lonleygal1989 Posted August 7, 2017 Author Share Posted August 7, 2017 His approval isn't necessary. His controlling behavior is unacceptable. Either: 1. Dump him 2. Hang out with her anyway im just gonna hang anyway, im not going any where neither is he. Link to comment
lonleygal1989 Posted August 7, 2017 Author Share Posted August 7, 2017 Seems simple enough to me. I'm not sure why you're asking him to begin with. Next time there's something going on and he's going to be home to watch the kids, just let him know as a matter of fact you've got plans with Stacy you'll be doing. I mean what are you doing, just slumping your shoulders and going "oh shucks" when he says you can't go? not so simple with kids involved, like i said it's not that bad, im not the type to let anyone run over me, but i am the peace keeper, so yeah some times i take but thats, how things go some things are better left alone, but i just feel like he's going to far with this, one so. we talked today so i think he's gonna back off Link to comment
lonleygal1989 Posted August 7, 2017 Author Share Posted August 7, 2017 To be fair, you may get different advise if you ask this on the relationship boards. This kind of behavior while dating is of course unacceptable, but you two aren't just dating, so it's a much different animal. You live together. You have responsibilities and kids. I wouldn't be ok with my mate just dumping the kids and all the household responsibilities on me while they went out all the time. Now that's not to say that it's ok to not ever let you go out, that's extreme and yeah abusive behavior, but if he's simply asking you to be responsible and take care of home first, he isn't wrong. Again, a dating board may be the wrong place to ask this question. Was that strategic on your part? he has had to watch the kids once tonight will make the second time (if i even leave them because he told me i he has work in the morning) since iv'e known her, about a month or so, all other times i had kids with me because she also has a little girl my oldest son plays with, i don't dump home responsibilities on him just the kids ( which i put them to bed before even stepping out), he dose nothing else here, let me not lie he dose dishes sometimes, everything is on me here, im the type of woman that knows how to do just about anything so i mean everything. and no i didn't purposely put this post on dating, i just thought well we not married so dating should be a good place to ask, but i guess there is a line between dating and a relationship huh Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted August 8, 2017 Share Posted August 8, 2017 he has had to watch the kids once tonight will make the second time (if i even leave them because he told me i he has work in the morning) since iv'e known her, about a month or so, all other times i had kids with me because she also has a little girl my oldest son plays with, i don't dump home responsibilities on him just the kids ( which i put them to bed before even stepping out), he dose nothing else here, let me not lie he dose dishes sometimes, everything is on me here, im the type of woman that knows how to do just about anything so i mean everything. and no i didn't purposely put this post on dating, i just thought well we not married so dating should be a good place to ask, but i guess there is a line between dating and a relationship huh Yes, Id say there's a huge difference. When it comes to raising children every couple is different so I can't say whether he's right or wrong. Based on your responses it comes off like you really don't want to be controlled but when it comes to your children and family and keeping that together, coming to a compromise (especially if you have no intention of separating) takes priority. She can wait until you and your mate come up with an agreement that works for the both of you. Link to comment
lonleygal1989 Posted August 8, 2017 Author Share Posted August 8, 2017 Yes, Id say there's a huge difference. When it comes to raising children every couple is different so I can't say whether he's right or wrong. Based on your responses it comes off like you really don't want to be controlled but when it comes to your children and family and keeping that together, coming to a compromise (especially if you have no intention of separating) takes priority. She can wait until you and your mate come up with an agreement that works for the both of you. im feeling like it's always what works for him, during hunting season he went out almost everyday and i never gave any grief about it, even though i wanted to go aswell, but i don't feel like i get the same courtesy. i m coming home now which kids are sleeping, and i feel like i can't ask for nothing for a while, i like your responses they really are more suited to monogamy. everyone else is so dismissive these days, and that just not how this works Link to comment
lonleygal1989 Posted August 8, 2017 Author Share Posted August 8, 2017 marrying him is the goal and when he is ready it's gonna happen, but we have things we need to get pass this is one of the billions to come, but i will always choose him, and even when i can't he will choose me. we are forever Link to comment
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