He said he wasn't in love with me, and there isn't a chance. But I still think there is?

[Nstk12]

Ok so this may be long so I appreciate anyone who reads this.

My boyfriend of two years broke up with me a week ago. I was his first love, and he was so madly in love with me, which everyone knew. All of his friends either live abroad or are at uni, so we spent all of our time together. Every day, every night. When his friends came back for the summer, I started to get upset that he wanted to see his friends and not me. This caused arguments. He wanted his space and I didn't give it to him, he wanted to end it but said he was too in love with me to do so. We sorted our differences out, and I chilled out. The night before he broke up with me, he showed me no indications of not loving me anymore, squeezing me tighter hugging in bed, kissing my forehead, whispering I love you. Then the next day he said he didn't love me and hadn't for a while. I don't think this is true. He keeps saying there is no hope ever for us to get back together. But he wants to be friends, we've spoke every day since. He said he is still not 100% happy with the situation, and is not over me yet, but is getting over me and does not want me back.

 

I can't help feeling that when all of his friends go back to their lives after summer that he will come back, but by that time I would have started uni (I'm a late one to it, as I'm 21).

 

What should I do, and is there any hope?

[Andrina]

If you haven't learned this lesson with how this relationship went down, your next relationship will be doomed. Always keep up with friends, hobbies/interests, careers, education, family time, etc. when in a relationship. You each have to have parts of your lives independent from your union. This ensure that the relationship won't be smothering, won't become boring, and you'll be able to handle a break up more easily if you haven't made him the sole center of your universe.

 

Accept what he has said. Don't stalk him. Don't deluge him with communication. Respect his wishes. It's common to have many relationships while young. You learn what you want and don't want from each one, and you will also learn to be a better partner with life experience, that is if you're smart enough to accept the education and vow to change for the better. Take care.

[Nstk12]

The thing is I have accepted it, that's why we started to get better, I started to focus on myself and live my own life again. I have spoke to him and said will you give me the opportunity to show you that I have changed, and he said no. I feel so heartbroken because I know it is fixable and we could be better than ever

[Pleasedonot5]

Does talking to him (post-BU) ultimately leave you feeling better or worse?

[SherrySher]

This guy is placing you on the shelf while he goes and has fun with his friends and then will come back to you when he's run out of options.

Is that what you want? A guy who doesn't want you when he has other options but then comes back to you when everyone leaves?

 

You are his last choice right now and he thinks he can get away with it because you keep letting him contact you and allowing his behavior.

You should block and delete and not look back.

Don't let people treat you this badly, this guy is not worth it if he has it in him to use you this badly.

[Nstk12]

Talking to him makes me feel better because it's a bit of normality.

[Andrina]

Sometimes when a person is done, it doesn't matter that changes have taken place. Go no contact so you can move on. In the future, even if it's a guy's idea to spend every spare moment with you, don't let that happen. Keep a healthy balance of time together and time apart. That shouldn't be hard when you will be immersed in your college studies. College is the place where many people meet their lifetime partners, but maybe you can enjoy some single life freedom for awhile. You've been tied to a serious relationship for a few years. You might find it liberating to be carefree and enjoy the perks of being single for a while.

[DancingFool]

I have to echo Andrina - go to college and truly enjoy the perks of being single and free in college. It's a great time of self discovery, meeting new people, learning who you are and who you do and don't want in your life.

 

As for this guy, unfortunately, he has told you as brutally honestly as possible that it's over. You really really need to accept it. Also, you need to accept the fact that you don't need to do anything wrong or bad for someone to change how they feel and whether or not they want to be in a relationship. It happens. Especially when you are both still so young and still growing and changing as people.

 

So do yourself a huge favor, stop clinging to what's familiar, to routine, to the sense of normalcy because all you are doing is fooling yourself and letting yourself get strung along. It's stopping you from actually healing and putting this behind you. Tell him you can't be friends, tell him that he can contact only if he seriously wants to get back together. Do not hold your breath that he will. Honestly.....he is telling you to your face, straight up, that he is only using you to get over you. Do yourself a favor and be kind to yourself and cut this bs off.

[MissCanuck]

I agree with the others; it's more than likely truly over, unfortunately.

 

The crux of the problem is that you might feel the problems are fixable, but he doesn't want to fix them. Without that desire from him, there's nothing you can really do.

 

I also echo the advice of those here who advise you to keep more balance in future relationships. It's not healthy to spend all of your spare time with your significant other. It gets very boring and monotonous. Keep your own interests and social life, too.

[Pleasedonot5]

Talking to him makes me feel better because it's a bit of normality.

 

It might be a slight reliever now, but this was rhetorical as it ultimately sets you back in your healing. That you can't have all of him. That you aren't with him. That it's not exactly the same. After your conversations, it's likely that you are returning to those thoughts. I suggest letting him know your intentions, but that you are going NC to try to heal and move on.

[pinkypromise]

I completely agree with first post Andrina. Romantic love is fun and exciting but it's not everything. You HAVE to keep up with other hobbies and interest. Always communicate with friends.

 

Your ex probably still cares for you but might be feeling smothered. That feeling alone will make someone flee in terror.

 

Put your life back together without him. Maybe your relationship will come back stronger and healthier. Maybe it won't, but either way, you'll have more support from family, friends and hobbies in the end.

[brokenbobsies]

I completely agree with first post Andrina. Romantic love is fun and exciting but it's not everything. You HAVE to keep up with other hobbies and interest. Always communicate with friends.

 

Your ex probably still cares for you but might be feeling smothered. That feeling alone will make someone flee in terror.

 

Put your life back together without him. Maybe your relationship will come back stronger and healthier. Maybe it won't, but either way, you'll have more support from family, friends and hobbies in the end.

 

This is spot on. Give him some space and work on you. I know it sucks to hear this because I hate hearing this. But I am going to try and do it because what other choice do I have apart from wallowing in my apartment all day.