Do you think i have anything to worry about?

[Stephy2016]

My boyfriend of 6 months and who just very recently began living with me I realized still keeps in touch via Facebook Messenger with an ex girlfriend. He was with the other girl about a year and a half ago and they were only in a relationship for approx. 3 months. At that stage of my boyfriends life he was having some personal issues (of which he is over completely now) and that is probably why their relationship did not last however she was there for him after they broke up as a friend. I understand that they have shared something deep and meaningful which obviously is what has kept the friendship going. The reason I know about the messages isn't because I snooped. My boyfriend has his Facebook connected through the internet onto our TV and one night while it was on, a message from her popped up. Obviously I was inquisitive and so he showed me the messages that had been going back and forth between them. The last message was actually about a month ago now. The messages seemed quite general. A lot of it pointed to the fact that something was going on in her personal life and obviously my boyfriend was slightly concerned asking if she was ok and checking in with her from time to time. There were no flirtatious vibes that I could see. She mentioned she had a boyfriend and she made a comment that judging from his Facebook posts that she could see he was happy with me and looked like things were going well for him in his new relationship with me. He didn't enter into any conversation about me with her The only thing I wasn't crazy about was when he had typed a comment asking if he could call her. That annoys me because he isn't big on talking on the phone and very rarely called me prior to us living together. He would always text me. I'm just wondering why he would feel the need to phone her? He also gave her a kiss emoji at the end of one of his messages (face blowing a kiss heart). Am I worried about nothing?

[MissCanuck]

Did you ask why he wanted to call her? Their messages seem innocuous, but him asking to call is a bit strange if he's not a phone person.

 

Also, why is he already living with you?

[Keyman]

If he is concerned for something that has gone on he might feel like offering to call might help her with that situation.

 

If this is an issue for you, tell him straight up ho you feel about it.. Tell him you don't feel comfortable about it, but anything more than that could come across as controlling.

[itsallgrand]

What would you like to happen going forward? Would you be comfortable with him chatting up his ex as it's been?

 

My honest take is that he is very finely teasing that line between appropriate and not. He's still holding on to her, and her him, even though neither one of them is single anymore. He's not crossed any big lines, but yes, I'd be mildly concerned.

 

I'd just keep it in mind and use it to open a discussion about what each of you has for boundaries when it comes to exes.

[siberianwildfl]

You're not worried about nothing, no. Your ex shared a strong connection with someone who he's back in contact with and more than likely that contact sparks some good feelings in both of them. It's possible that those feelings, if present, could fuel action that threatens your relationship. It makes sense that you already feel worried if this is the type of thing running through your mind.

 

Here's the thing though: Do you trust him? Because in this moment, he's choosing you and you've chosen each other. He talked/s to her, but still wants to be with you. Be confident in that and use this knowledge to get closer still and talk to him about your fears(build intimacy). Do not tell him he can't talk to her or start acting jealous because that works against you. But if you don't trust him, your relationship was already unhealthy without her and you'll need to address that.

[Stephy2016]

I trust him, I guess I just am not a fan of ex partners staying in touch

[Jibralta]

Let him know how you feel. I think it's good that he was so open about it. But if it makes you feel uncomfortable, the two of you should talk it out and come to an understanding.