Was it rape?

[LaHermes]

I was merely stating the OP's geographical location.

 

I am sure the OP will be back to report on progress with her case.

[katrina1980]

These kinds of threads make me so sad for victims. They really do.

 

They make me sad too, and I hope no one is suggesting that I am "blaming" her; only to take some responsibility for her role too, that being, getting so drunk that she had no control over her body or the situation.

 

So this never happens to her again!

[katrina1980]

I was merely stating the OP's geographical location.

 

 

Thanks I am glad you did, I just modified my post to reflect that.

[LaHermes]

From

 

 

 

"Date Rape

 

The term ‘date rape’ is often used to describe rapes that occur when the survivor / victim and perpetrator know each other, for example as acquaintances, friends or lovers, and/or have been on a date or out socially together. 'Date rape' can be an unhelpful and misleading label and is not a legal term or specific offence.

 

The use of this term can have a negative impact on survivors of sexual violence and on the attitudes of wider society, both because it can imply that rape can be 'graded' in terms of 'seriousness' and because it is sometimes used to infer that rape by a known perpetrator is less traumatic than or ‘not as bad as’ rape by a stranger.

 

As around 90% of those who are raped or sexually assaulted know their attacker prior to the incident, use of the term 'date rape' can be interpreted as minimising the experiences of a significant number of sexual violence survivors.

 

Rape Crisis encourages the media and others to avoid using the term ‘date rape’ when describing or reporting on sexual violence.

[Seraphim]

They make me sad too, and I hope no one is suggesting that I am "blaming" her; only to take some responsibility for her role too, that being, getting so drunk that she had no control over her body or the situation.

 

So this never happens to her again!

People not drunk are raped too. She is not culpable in her own rape. The only person culpable in a rape is the RAPIST. And yeah you are making her responsible.

 

It doesn't matter what clothes she's wearing ,it doesn't matter what she had to drink, it doesn't matter where she was, rape is rape is rape is rape .

 

What would you say then to my cousin who was raped from the time she was in diapers until she was 13 ? What would you say to me who was sexually assaulted as a six-year-old ,raped as a 13-year-old and rape does a 19-year-old ? What culpability do we have ?

Yeah, I was drunk when I was raped at 19 so what? He also drugged me too little did I know until my counsellor helped me figure it out . It does not make me responsible for my own rape and her neither. Criminals are responsible for their own actions .

[katrina1980]

From

 

 

 

"Date Rape

 

The term ‘date rape’ is often used to describe rapes that occur when the survivor / victim and perpetrator know each other, for example as acquaintances, friends or lovers, and/or have been on a date or out socially together. 'Date rape' can be an unhelpful and misleading label and is not a legal term or specific offence.

 

The use of this term can have a negative impact on survivors of sexual violence and on the attitudes of wider society, both because it can imply that rape can be 'graded' in terms of 'seriousness' and because it is sometimes used to infer that rape by a known perpetrator is less traumatic than or ‘not as bad as’ rape by a stranger.

 

As around 90% of those who are raped or sexually assaulted know their attacker prior to the incident, use of the term 'date rape' can be interpreted as minimising the experiences of a significant number of sexual violence survivors.

 

Rape Crisis encourages the media and others to avoid using the term ‘date rape’ when describing or reporting on sexual violence.

 

Perhaps that's true, however "date rape" is a legal term which describes the type of situation crazybaby experienced.

 

Which is why I referred to it as such (in response to her question re whether or not she should press charges)

 

Legal Definition:

 

Forcible sexual intercourse by a male acquaintance of a woman, during a voluntary social engagement in which the woman did not intend to submit to the sexual advances and resisted the acts by verbal refusals, denials or pleas to stop, and/or physical resistance. The fact that the parties knew each other or that the woman willingly accompanied the man are not legal defenses to a charge of rape, although one Pennsylvania decision ruled that there had to be some actual physical resistance.

[katrina1980]

People not drunk are raped too. She is not culpable in her own rape. The only person culpable in a rape is the RAPIST. And yeah you are making her responsible.

 

It doesn't matter what clothes she's wearing ,it doesn't matter what she had to drink, it doesn't matter where she was, rape is rape is rape is rape .

 

What would you say then to my cousin who was raped from the time she was in diapers until she was 13 ? What would you say to me who was sexually assaulted as a six-year-old ,raped as a 13-year-old and rape does a 19-year-old ? What culpability do we have ?

Yeah, I was drunk when I was raped at 19 so what? He also drugged me too little did I know until my counsellor helped me figure it out . It does not make me responsible for my own rape and her neither. Criminals are responsible for their own actions .

 

I never suggested she was culpable in her own rape. She is not. She is only responsible for getting so drunk she had no control over her body or the situation which resulted in her getting raped.

 

See the difference?

 

Anyway, I am on vacation so going to get off this thread it's beginning to upset me, as once again my posts are being taken completely out of context and misinterpreted.

 

crazybaby, again I am so sorry this happened, hope you feel better soon and best of luck of moving forward!

 

Ciao.

[Seraphim]

I never suggested she was culpable in her own rape. She is not. She is only responsible for getting so drunk she had no control over her body or the situation which resulted in her getting raped.

 

See the difference?

 

Anyway, I am on vacation so going to get off this thread it's beginning to upset me, as once again my posts are being taken completely out of context and misinterpreted.

 

crazybaby, again I am so sorry this happened, hope you feel better soon and best of luck of moving forward!

 

Ciao.

Yeah , it upsets me as a rape survivor too.

[ang3lbing]

Well said. This is what I meant exactly!

[katrina1980]

Yeah , it upsets me as a rape survivor too.

 

As am I. Many years ago.

 

I wasn't drunk but I did place myself in a situation I should not have, which I take full responsibility for.

 

I have since learned to never place myself in a situation like that again.

[crazybaby]

Yeah , it upsets me as a rape survivor too.

 

Went to a rape crisis centre and sexual health clinic. Can i please get your email so we can speak about this privately? Even the rape counsellor it was rape. How can u consent when that drunk. The nurse at the sexual health centre said she hears the same all the time. I hate this victim blaming and will be going off this forum. I have every right to get drunk and not taken advantage of. No one has the right to do this to me. For the people saying i shouldn't get drunk and that i am very unhappy for doing so then the vast population of scotland must be depressed. I did not ask for this. I could have been followed or drugged. Who knows. Stop judging me.

[LaHermes]

CB.

 

Everyone here (with some exceptions) are entirely with you and behind you. Believe me.

 

I am glad you got to see the rape crisis people, and glad the counsellor was helpful. Also hope you get good legal representation.

[Seraphim]

Went to a rape crisis centre and sexual health clinic. Can i please get your email so we can speak about this privately? Even the rape counsellor it was rape. How can u consent when that drunk. The nurse at the sexual health centre said she hears the same all the time. I hate this victim blaming and will be going off this forum. I have every right to get drunk and not taken advantage of. No one has the right to do this to me. For the people saying i shouldn't get drunk and that i am very unhappy for doing so then the vast population of scotland must be depressed. I did not ask for this. I could have been followed or drugged. Who knows. Stop judging me.

 

I sent you a PM hun.

[katrina1980]

crazybaby, I do not believe your drinking was a result of your being depressed, just wanted you to be clear about that.

 

Neither am I minimizing what happened.

 

I am glad you have sought out counseling and if pressing charges is what you wish to do, I wish you good luck with that too.

 

Take good care and again, hope you feel better soon.

[LaHermes]

I don't think anything.

 

Also, you are not the only poster on this forum.

[katrina1980]

I don't think anything.

 

Also, you are not the only poster on this forum.

 

Well apparently you do otherwise you would not have posted what you did.

 

Also, I said "if" your comments were directed at me, so simply wanted to clarify my opinions and philosophy because I sense they're being misinterpreted by some as evidenced by some of the responses.

 

And yeah I realize I am not the only one on this forum (and this thread) but appreciate the reminder.

[crazybaby]

LaHermes, if what's in bold was directed towards me, I am really sorry you have misinterpreted my posts, because despite what you or the OP might think, I am on her side too and as I've said am extremely sorry this happened to her. More than you know and apparently more than I've been able to express here.

 

As I've also said, I am also a survivor of sexual assault so I understand.

 

I won't repeat what I meant by taking responsibility for our own participation in what we experience in our lives, as clearly it's not being understood the way I intended for it to be understood. This subject is a very emotional and heated subject, so it's not surprising.

 

I will only leave you with this quote by Deepak Chopra which I believe and follow in my own life:

 

Your life doesn’t just “happen.” Whether you know it or not, it is carefully designed by you. The choices, after all, are yours. You choose happiness. You choose sadness. You choose decisiveness. You choose ambivalence. You choose success. You choose failure. You choose courage. You choose fear. Just remember that every moment, every situation, provides a new choice. And in doing so, it gives you a perfect opportunity to do things differently to produce more positive results.”

crazybaby, I do not believe your drinking was a result of depressed, just wanted you to be clear about that.

 

Neither am I minimizing what happened.

 

I am glad you have sought out counseling and if pressing charges is what you wish to do, I will you good luck with that too.

 

Take good care and again, hope you feel better soon.

 

Please don't think that i am accusing u of victim blaming. My emotions are sky high right now. The way i see it i have every right to get drunk without getting raped. I am not sure if i was drugged or even followed by this man. But still no excuse. But i am sure Deepak Chopra did not use that quote in regards to rape.

[LaHermes]

This must have been such a COMFORT to the OP!!!

 

 

"Counseling yes definitely! And also some heavy introspection with you reflecting back on your own behavior, specifically why you chose to get so drunk you couldn’t remember the next day what happened to you.

 

I mean, you must’ve been pretty damn drunk, correct?

 

As devastating as this was, when we experience anything traumatic in life, I believe in taking responsibility for our own actions and behavior too and the consequences thereof.

 

Unless of course, he slipped you a drug prior (Rohypnol for example) , rendering you unconscious which is an entirely different situation altogether

 

IMO it’s not enough to say “well I was so drunk I didn’t know what I was doing,” which even if true does not negate the fact it was you who chose to get so drunk you had no control over your body or the situation.

 

You have one hell of an understanding husband, be thankful for that.

And hopefully lesson learned to not place yourself in situations where something like this could happen again, which starts with controlling your drinking and taking some responsibility for what happens to you.

 

As you stated above in your original post, you DO remember bits and pieces, I am not suggesting what he did was okay, IT WAS DEFINITELY NOT, I am only suggesting to own your part in what happened, that's all. I think it's important."

[LaHermes]

CrazyB.

 

I hope you will stick with us here. And as I said, I also hope you get good representation in this most unpleasant and traumatic matter.

[katrina1980]

This must have been such a COMFORT to the OP!!!

 

 

"Counseling yes definitely! And also some heavy introspection with you reflecting back on your own behavior, specifically why you chose to get so drunk you couldn’t remember the next day what happened to you.

 

I mean, you must’ve been pretty damn drunk, correct?

 

As devastating as this was, when we experience anything traumatic in life, I believe in taking responsibility for our own actions and behavior too and the consequences thereof.

 

Unless of course, he slipped you a drug prior (Rohypnol for example) , rendering you unconscious which is an entirely different situation altogether

 

IMO it’s not enough to say “well I was so drunk I didn’t know what I was doing,” which even if true does not negate the fact it was you who chose to get so drunk you had no control over your body or the situation.

 

You have one hell of an understanding husband, be thankful for that.

And hopefully lesson learned to not place yourself in situations where something like this could happen again, which starts with controlling your drinking and taking some responsibility for what happens to you.

 

As you stated above in your original post, you DO remember bits and pieces, I am not suggesting what he did was okay, IT WAS DEFINITELY NOT, I am only suggesting to own your part in what happened, that's all. I think it's important."

 

You're right. The timing of that post was not the best, I will own that.

 

And to crazybaby I apologize for that.

 

And yes you do have a right to get drunk without getting raped, I was not suggesting otherwise.

 

Once again, I think my posts are being misunderstood and misinterpreted, again poor timing on my part to express what I did.

 

I'm sorry.

 

Continue to reach out and seek support, to your husband, family, friends, a therapist and to us.

 

Being that I have experienced this myself, trust me it does get better and you will feel better, in time.

[crazybaby]

You're right. The timing of that post was not the best, I will own that.

 

And to crazybaby I apologize for that.

 

And yes you do have a right to get drunk without getting raped, I was not suggesting otherwise.

 

Once again, I think my posts are being misunderstood and misinterpreted, again poor timing on my part to express what I did.

 

I'm sorry.

 

Continue to reach out and seek support, to your husband, family, friends, a therapist and to us.

 

Being that I have experienced this myself, trust me it does get better and you will feel better, in time.

 

The last thing i want is people fighting on this forum. Thank you for your apoligies. I will work through this. I am lucky to have the support netwoks i have and i hope you have gotten the support u need to get through your own experiences of this. I hope u have recovered xx

[katrina1980]

The last thing i want is people fighting on this forum. Thank you for your apoligies. I will work through this. I am lucky to have the support netwoks i have and i hope you have gotten the support u need to get through your own experiences of this. I hope u have recovered xx

 

Yes I have recovered thanks. It was many years ago, over ten, so for me at least, time heals.

 

Also, I'd like to commend you on your decision to reach out for support. I never even told anyone, except a couple of good friends.

 

But somehow I was able to work through it, eventually told family and my therapist when I was in therapy for a different issue.

 

It felt good to finally reach out and unburden myself with all the conflicting emotions I had been experiencing all those years.

 

You sound like a very strong girl (woman and I have no doubt you will get through this, and maybe even become stronger (emotionally) for it. I did.

[Seraphim]

Therapy goes a long way to healing for sure. I credit one of my counsellors for saving my life.

[katrina1980]

Therapy goes a long way to healing for sure. I credit one of my counsellors for saving my life.

 

If you're lucky enough to find a good one, yes it can help tremendously, and am happy to hear you found a good one Seraphim!

 

For me, much of my strength and inspiration comes from reading, introspection and self-reflection, but we all work through issues in our lives in our own way, whatever works best for us.

[Seraphim]

If you're lucky enough to find a good one, yes it can help tremendously, and am happy to hear you found a good one Seraphim!

 

For me, much of my strength and inspiration comes from reading, introspection and self-reflection, but we all work through issues in our lives in our own way, whatever works best for us.

I had very severe PTSD and had a complete and total breakdown. I NEEDED that therapy or it was suicide for me. I had been dealing with severe PTSD for over 3 decades at that point. I still have mild PTSD and panic disorder but I am entirely functional now. I also have to thank God for giving me the strength and faith to keep living. And my family and my son who made me want to succeed.