Seraphim Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Do you.mind if i ask if you got a conviction? I am absolutely terrified of going to court and i keep thinking it wasn't rape. But i am not a cheat and wouldn't knowingly risk my safety like that. I don't want others finding out and thinking i brought this on myself. This was in 1981. And the courts cared very little for victims then. I was not allowed my parents in the court room. My father's brother was allowed to question me himself because he showed up to court without a lawyer . The prosecutor in the case called me dirty names and such during his time questioning me outside of court . So I had my first nervous break down at 14 and could not continue and my dad's brother walked out a free man. He continue to stalk and threaten me and my family for three years until we move to another part of the country . Things have changed a lot since the 1980s though . I don't think this will be the case for you . Link to comment
crazybaby Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 This was in 1981. And the courts cared very little for victims then. I was not allowed my parents in the court room. My father's brother was allowed to question me himself because he showed up to court without a lawyer . The prosecutor in the case called me dirty names and such during his time questioning me outside of court . So I had my first nervous break down at 14 and could not continue and my dad's brother walked out a free man. He continue to stalk and threaten me and my family for three years until we move to another part of the country . Things have changed a lot since the 1980s though . I don't think this will be the case for you . What a horrific experience. Yeah a lot has changed thankfully. Imagine that bastard getting to question you. How awful. Not sure about bringing it to court. All he would have to say i was willing. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 What a horrific experience. Yeah a lot has changed thankfully. Imagine that bastard getting to question you. How awful. Not sure about bringing it to court. All he would have to say i was willing. And this is how scum walk away, sadly. Except you have medical evidence. I didn't. I was examined far too long after the last attack. Link to comment
crazybaby Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 And this is how scum walk away, sadly. Except you have medical evidence. I didn't. I was examined far too long after the last attack. I will discuss my options with a rape crisis centre. I am so lucky to gave such a supportive husband and sister. My hubby was down at the station with me. Couldn't of done it without him. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 I will discuss my options with a rape crisis centre. I am so lucky to gave such a supportive husband and sister. My hubby was down at the station with me. Couldn't of done it without him. Yes, that is VERY important to have a strong support system. I am so happy for you. My husband is very supportive as well even though he met me long after my assaults. Him and my mom and brother are very supportive of me. My son is as well. ( he is 19) and I have taught him that you will never touch who has been drinking . And always protect those people who can't protect themselves. Link to comment
crazybaby Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 Yes, that is VERY important to have a strong support system. I am so happy for you. My husband is very supportive as well even though he met me long after my assaults. Him and my mom and brother are very supportive of me. My son is as well. ( he is 19) and I have taught him that you will never touch who has been drinking . And always protect those people who can't protect themselves. What a wonderful example you set for your son. I am worried about getting our sex life back but again i am lucky to have such a supportive husband. He said just to take my time with it. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 We have to change society with education. It starts with our own kids. Link to comment
crazybaby Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 We have to change society with education. It starts with our own kids. Part of me feels i am over reacting. I just wish this would disappear! Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Part of me feels i am over reacting. I just wish this would disappear! You are not over reacting. What happened to you is a crime. Link to comment
crazybaby Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 You are not over reacting. What happened to you is a crime. I just feel since i did participate at some points that i was consenting. But i had no idea what i was doing. I am not sure if i took my own trousers off or not. Not sure if ut is my imagination trying to fill in the blanks. Have no idea how i got bruises on my wrists. Just feel dirty. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 I just feel since i did participate at some points that i was consenting. But i had no idea what i was doing. I am not sure if i took my own trousers off or not. Not sure if ut is my imagination trying to fill in the blanks. Have no idea how i got bruises on my wrists. Just feel dirty. I get that however, you had no ability to consent. Link to comment
crazybaby Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 I get that however, you had no ability to consent. I should just remember that i guess. What a scum bag. But what would the few be if he was drunk too? We did meet at 3am. Suppose he couldn't of been that drunk if he got it up. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 The absence of consent and the act of penetration = rape. Period. It just does. One day, it will occur to people to teach their sons to avoid behavior when drunk that leads to rape. Just like we teach them not to drive, urinate in the corner, or wear a lampshade. One day. Before I leave this planet. Please. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 OP I am deeply sorry this happened to you. I am. I never accused my rapist, except personally one year later. Told nobody. No fam. No cops. No friends. I was ashamed. I applaud you, your clarity and your family. Anger will poison you; clarity will strengthen you. I believe in you. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 I should just remember that i guess. What a scum bag. But what would the few be if he was drunk too? We did meet at 3am. Suppose he couldn't of been that drunk if he got it up. Rape is also done by coercion and intimidation. Society just wants you to believe it is done by sex perverts jumping out of bushes and the victim screams and yells. Link to comment
crazybaby Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 The absence of consent and the act of penetration = rape. Period. It just does. One day, it will occur to people to teach their sons to avoid behavior when drunk that leads to rape. Just like we teach them not to drive, urinate in the corner, or wear a lampshade. One day. Before I leave this planet. Please. Very true. I need to stop blaming myself. I will be speaking to the police tomorrow along with rape crisis centre. Thanks for your support. You seem such a lovely woman who has been through so much. So inspirational. Your son is lucky to have you as a mother. Link to comment
crazybaby Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 OP I am deeply sorry this happened to you. I am. I never accused my rapist, except personally one year later. Told nobody. No fam. No cops. No friends. I was ashamed. I applaud you, your clarity and your family. Anger will poison you; clarity will strengthen you. I believe in you. You shown great strength accusing him. That is very brave. Your right the anger from this will poison me if i let it. I know how it can eat you up inside. Thank you for your kind words and i hope you are at peace with what happened to you. Link to comment
crazybaby Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 Rape is also done by coercion and intimidation. Society just wants you to believe it is done by sex perverts jumping out of bushes and the victim screams and yells. That is what the police officer told me. That society thinks rape is getting dragged down an alley way kicking and screaming but the reality is a lot different from that. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 That is what the police officer told me. That society thinks rape is getting dragged down an alley way kicking and screaming but the reality is a lot different from that. Absolutely. Link to comment
crazybaby Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 Absolutely. An interesting read especially about the prisons. Shocking. Glad i am doing the necessary steps to make myself feel better. It is a hard road ahead but i am very grateful for the support i have. Would be lost without it. More awareness needs to be raised on these issues as i know it will have an impact on but i won't let it destroy me. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 If you need us we are here. Never suffer in silence. Reach out to your support network ,reach out to us . You are not alone many people care . Link to comment
crazybaby Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 If you need us we are here. Never suffer in silence. Reach out to your support network ,reach out to us . You are not alone many people care . Thank you ❤ Link to comment
thornz Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 I should just remember that i guess. What a scum bag. But what would the few be if he was drunk too? We did meet at 3am. Suppose he couldn't of been that drunk if he got it up. That was my thought exactly, if he was as drunk, or more drunk who is raping who? I dated an alcoholic for 3 years and he had no issues getting it up, he did on one occasion fall asleep though. I also dated another guy who could not get it up after one or two beers! I think a rape conviction would be difficult to get in court unless it can be proven that you were out of it and he was relatively sober (or that you were drugged). Were you tested for date rape drugs when you went to the police? And the bruises on your wrist, unless they're looking like someone has restrained you rather than random bruising then you could have got them at any part of the night and that's what prosecutors will say also. I think this is going to be a difficult thing to come to terms with so I'm glad you're seeking counselling. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 two things (necessarily graphic) one in a differently gendered rape case, penile penetration is one directional. Penetration is necessary for rape, otherwise its sexual assault. two If both parties are drunk, and one party penetrates the other without consent, that's rape. period. Link to comment
IntegrityGirl Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 You aren't by chance taking the stop smoking drug Chantix? I took it, it made me black out after 2 drinks. Very scary. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.