ggp8 Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 Hey all, I'm a 28 year old guy. I'm not super fit, but I'm also not super overweight. I'm 6'3 tall and weigh 230 lbs, to be exact. I'm not sure if any of that matters or not. A couple of weeks ago I had my first sexual experience. It was with a girl that I very much like and who I find very attractive. We are in the beginning of our relationship, and we had been friends beforehand, so I felt very comfortable around her. She knew I was a virgin, and she was very supportive and compassionate about the whole thing. When it came to sex though, I couldn't maintain an erection. I tried to not focus on it and instead focus on kissing her, but it just would not stay up. We had a wonderful time, or at least I did (she said she did), but after about 45 minutes, we stopped before either of us could finish. She started with oral and then vaginal, and the whole time I had a condom on. We tried again last weekend, with the same lack of results. This makes me scared. I have a distinct feeling why this is happening... let me explain. As I've never had a girlfriend before, porn and masturbation was my outlet. I would look at softcore, nothing too out there. But since age 13 - that is, for 15 years - I had ejaculated in this matter. These last couple of years have ramped up in intensity, as I began to resign myself that I would never find a girlfriend and that this was how I would take care of my sexual urges in life. It's a shame to admit it, but I'll explain my process. I would try to limit my "ritual" as I had started calling it, to once per weekend. I would get crossfaded - weed and beer - until I was lost in the imagry and videos. All the while I would be listening to music. I would softly play with myself for hours on end - usually 5 or 6 hours. I would only finish when I accidentally put too much stimulation on my penis. But I became quite good at prolonging the whole thing. After I finished, a wave of shame would usually come over me, and I would fall asleep. I would hope that I didn't have a hangover the next day. I feel so ashamed writing that, and I'm horrified about what I may have done to myself. From the very first time we switched from friends to more than friends - from the very first kiss - I haven't looked at a single image of porn. I haven't really even had any urge to. I haven't even masturbated. It's been three weeks. I told her about my porn addiction after our first time, and she was completely understanding. I also told her that I'll never look at porn again, and that's a promise I intend to keep. However, I didn't tell her the details of my porn addiction that I've told you guys. She is extremely supportive about this entire thing. She says that it's not a deal breaker that I'm having trouble getting it up, and that I am supporting her emotionally, which is enough for her. I don't crave sex, but I do want to be able to overcome this problem. I want to pleasure her sexually first and foremost, but I also need to be able to finish. So, here's the big question: have I permanently screwed myself up? Is there anything I can do? Or am I unable to escape the consequences of my past? Also, should I let her in on the exact details behind my past addiction (as she said, this is something for us to both figure out), or would that scare her off? Link to comment
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