What should I do?

[Kittyhawk]

About two weeks ago I was discharged out of Basic Training for the Army. My wife, who was devastated at me leaving had stated she would commit suicide, had indicated numerous troubles to me while I was at basic. Having a male friend sleep over, going out and getting smashed with friends who were distinctly unnamed, and having a general tone of distance. I chalked it up to her depression and anger at me for leaving, trying to push away the thought of infidelity and problems just so I could survive getting out of basic. Upon first seeing my wife I had expected a kiss or at the very least a punch in the face, just anything to indicate a strong emotion. I was greeted with an enormous distance; hell we didn't even talk. Fast forward and paraphrased a bit, the rest of the week went as follows, the second day she's asking for a divorce and then leaves to hang out with friends, turning off her location and telling me not to worry about it. The third night she tells me I have by Monday to move out of the apartment or she'll get a restraining order on me. The next few days I buy a new car with the money I had gotten out of the army (Still within financial soundness, I'm depressed not economically ruined.), and proceed to move out. On the sixth day I found out that she immediately was replacing me with the male who had slept over. Throughout this time I'd like to mention she had hidden her phone from me as well as any letters she hadn't sent while I was at basic. Upon moving out, she retracted her statement on divorce saying that she instead wished to attempt to work things out before jumping to conclusions. She then turned her location back on demanding I do the same. Throughout the week she had texted about getting drunk, while her location stated that she had been to three different houses. On my birthday, middle of the second week, she demanded we do something together. Obliging I had driven to her house. She had stated that her male friend hadn't moved in yet, but when I went inside to greet my lovely German Shepherd which we had adopted from the shelter, I was pushed out half-heartedly, and as I stumbled backward I had realized his desk, computer, and other miscellaneous belongings scattered about the room. I was too stunned to really react because this was her first blatant lie to me. So I was quiet the whole day, couldn't really bring myself to confrontation. Lastly, I had been invited over to help her with paperwork, I saw his sheets spread out over her bed, and all of his clothes along the floor next to said bed. Upon confrontation she assured me he slept on the floor next to the bed and that she slept clothed, "unfortunately."

 

 

So herein lies the problem. I believe her to be cheating on me. I need closure on this, because I've always been deeply trusting of her up until I went to basic training. The thing is, she also used to cling to me for dear life. She had attempted suicide the day I enlisted, yet managed to keep it a secret from me for a long while. She's always been a phenomenal liar and even better argumentatively. She indisputably has a manipulative and controlling personality, probably on the verge of a disorder; but I'm not one to diagnose as I'm not a professional psychologist; from my descriptions however I was given that she may have borderline personality disorder from a licensed professional.

 

However, I'm not one who is going to stalk the male(S) I believe her to be committing the act with nor do I want to go through her phone in any way without explicit consent.

 

Furthermore, regardless of the actual intuitive evidence, I hold it that she indeed has already cheated and that being kicked out alone is a rather unforgivable offense; especially so soon after just returning. So I'm looking what I should do, probably to disregard it just to find my own inept, stumbling path. I know it should end in a divorce if my convictions are so strong.

 

 

Lastly, I would like to present why I have my doubts in her cheating which gives me a statistical probably of 86% chance of her having cheated. She has a tendency to cheat with past lovers, however, when she cheats her behavior generally indicates she does not kiss those who she is cheating on, and definitely does not engage in sexual indulgences - as she equates sex to a measure of love in a relationship, due to childhood sexual abuse. While she hadn't kissed me during the first week, upon the arrival of the second week she became sexually active with me again and sought kisses. However, as I began trying to argue her infidelity with rather untactful accusations, she began retreating these advances yet again. However, her jealousy is still uproarious. She said she would immediately seek divorce if I had decided to hang out with a female friend of mine I had back in High School. I showed her my phone so she could see the messages between this female and I, she stated that she was obviously coming onto me and that I should stop wanting to have sex with this friend. Shocked, I complied because I still love my wife and am still hoping to erase all this. My wife insists she hasn't cheated "yet" whenever I confront her she stops denying it and rather rolls her eyes or ignores the accusations. I believe that my hope that she hasn't cheated on me is all that really holds her arguments against it together.

[Answerman]

You don't need closure understand you left and made a choice she was horny and a man came and gave comfort she has been getting banged while you were training now you need to man up and go do better right now it hurts but if yo are a gentleman and learn to speak properly and confidently you will get a woman 10Xs Bette than the one you with don't let her be and then make you play house husband you will be the fool leave before she pregnant now you will have dysfunctional family trust me start new she replaced you already move on damn the closure her legs was open

[Andrina]

I skimmed over your long post. Seems like you didn't even know her before marrying. Too much drama. I don't know why you'd want to continue in what is a living hell.