On/off relationship

[Justash]

Me and my ex have been on and off for a little over 2 years. We split last September and got back together 4 months later after (I thought) he'd realised he did want to get serious with me and work it out. That lasted around 2 months. I always told him if I broke up with him that really would be it.

 

He went on holiday with his friends for the week and I didn't hear from him once. A few things had been building up and I broke up with him. It was so hard and I never thought I'd do it.

 

So we broke up 6 weeks ago and have been NC ever since. Normally after we break up I would of contacted him a few times by now so I'm pretty proud of myself that I haven't.

 

I don't cope well with break ups and I'm very sensitive. For the past few weeks it's hit me hard. I'm crying non stop (even in work) and I miss him so much. I know it's normal for you to miss them after a break up but I'm an emotional wreck.

 

I was thinking of texting him and asking if we could meet and talk. I'm not sure what I'd say to him, I guess just express how I feel? But I'm scared of getting knocked back and then feeling worse but to be honest I'm at my witts end. The only thing putting me off is that every break up I have contacted him by now, and this time I haven't because I've been trying to prove a point. I love him and he's the person I want to be with.

 

Thoughts please?!

[Jeetsun]

I was thinking of texting him and asking if we could meet and talk. I'm not sure what I'd say to him, I guess just express how I feel? But I'm scared of getting knocked back and then feeling worse

 

This is what's going to happen. You two don't sound compatible if you've broken things off and get together all over again weeks or months later. You have reasons as to why you broke things off, it shouldn't be to prove a point either, that's just playing games in the face of not wanting to actually communicate. I'm willing to bet based on what you've stated, if you get back together (his choice now) history is going to repeat itself because the underlying problems haven't been fixed/worked on. Either objectively look what the problems are in the relationship and see if you two can hash it out or stay separated and move on. Continuously breaking up and getting back together isn't healthy for anyone.

[MissCanuck]

I don't think talking to him will bring you the relief you're seeking.

 

If he seemed uninterested it's probably because he was. Perhaps he was, in some roundabout way, trying to get you to pull the plug on the relationship so he wouldn't have to feel like the bad guy again.

[Hollyj]

NO. The only thing that helps is NC and time. You will set yourself back.

 

Listen, if it hasn't worked after the second try, it never will. You are not compatible!!! Get off the hamster wheel!

 

And, you can't be friends when there are feelings!

[theprettymess]

Justash, I agree with the group. Keep up the NC, I know it's hard but that is the only way you are going to be able to heal. The crying will pass and might come back again. Don't hold it back just let yourself be free to feel all your emotions and don't be ashamed. We have all be through a tough breakup. Time and NC will help you heal.

 

He is not right for you. You deserve better.

[tigerkitten]

Why did you break up with him? Answer the question ... not for me ... but for yourself. Maybe you did because you know you cannot change him. If he's not making you happy then it will be another person who will. You're trying to put a bandaid on right now - but they fall off over time. Unless you address what is the underlying problem here this cycle will repeat. Breaking up with someone is no proper way to solve a problem, get someone to call or change etc ... it just makes no sense to me why you'd first break up and then want the person back? Either you embrace his "issues", or you break it off. BOTH options can hurt. A lot. But one is temporary. Breakup's hurt, sometimes they hurt the dumper more. But that hurt will also stop. Eventually.

[Justash]

Thank you for the replies, it really helps. I guess what I ultimately want is for him to realise what he is missing and eventually contact me, which I don't think is likely as I've always been the one to make the first move. NC is staying put.

[ThatwasThen]

I love him and he's the person I want to be with.

Loving someone is no reason to try and make a relationship with them. He doesn't make you happy for very long so try and suck it up and go through a period of mourning wherein you'll come out the other side free of him. He's not a good partner for you. A man that you've broken up with twice is not someone you try a third time with. You can do better. Don't contact him and if he contacts you, ignore him.