I'd Appreciate some Thoughts [Breakup + Want to Reconcile]

[Eshushi]

+ it is honestly really really hard to maintain my faith when like 90% of people I talk to tell me to give it up. I'm losing steam really fast.

 

Have you tried talking to friends closer to the situation? that's what is helping me keep faith as they all have a very differing opinion than the large majority here telling me to give up.

 

I hope you start to feel less like it's all not worth it soon ; ~;.

[valavoo]

Have you tried talking to friends closer to the situation? that's what is helping me keep faith as they all have a very differing opinion than the large majority here telling me to give up.

 

I hope you start to feel less like it's all not worth it soon ; ~;.

 

What have your friends been telling you?

[Eshushi]

What have your friends been telling you?

 

for my own personal situation, my friends have been telling me about how my boyfriend (whom they've all met and tangentially hung out with) sounds reluctant about going through with hurting me but something definitely needed to be done otherwise we were going to both come apart. And, given that we were planning when I was going to move and I was beginning to map out life abroad, that they're just as hopeful as I am that we'll end up back together because we always seemed so... in love? This was all said the day afterwards, when I was still in shock over the whole ordeal; Now... it's not really mentioned unless I bring it up? Which I haven't been doing so, mostly because I've actually been speaking to him openly about how I wasn't the greatest partner due to going untreated and how I'm working towards bettering myself/understanding his life with aspergers and how much it really does effect our relationship. After taking a few steps back and reflecting on the situation, I've learned a whole lot about better communicating and how to reconcile arguments peacefully rather than the explosions we used to have.

 

I'm just really hopeful naturally too? ;w; I went for my intake assessment and set up my first therapy/psychiatrist appointments in over three years. I also had my formal diagnosis reiterated to me, which concluded that I do not have a personality disorder and that's just... sent me over the moon? Sure, stress related complex trauma isn't a walk in the park either but... it can be treated and I can unlearn the stuff I learned to survive in an abusive household. Just, even if we aren't together right now, life doesn't seem so bad. Plus the open communication between us combined with him, himself, reassuring me that I'm making the right choices has horrendously helped.

[valavoo]

for my own personal situation, my friends have been telling me about how my boyfriend (whom they've all met and tangentially hung out with) sounds reluctant about going through with hurting me but something definitely needed to be done otherwise we were going to both come apart. And, given that we were planning when I was going to move and I was beginning to map out life abroad, that they're just as hopeful as I am that we'll end up back together because we always seemed so... in love? This was all said the day afterwards, when I was still in shock over the whole ordeal; Now... it's not really mentioned unless I bring it up? Which I haven't been doing so, mostly because I've actually been speaking to him openly about how I wasn't the greatest partner due to going untreated and how I'm working towards bettering myself/understanding his life with aspergers and how much it really does effect our relationship. After taking a few steps back and reflecting on the situation, I've learned a whole lot about better communicating and how to reconcile arguments peacefully rather than the explosions we used to have.

 

I'm just really hopeful naturally too? ;w; I went for my intake assessment and set up my first therapy/psychiatrist appointments in over three years. I also had my formal diagnosis reiterated to me, which concluded that I do not have a personality disorder and that's just... sent me over the moon? Sure, stress related complex trauma isn't a walk in the park either but... it can be treated and I can unlearn the stuff I learned to survive in an abusive household. Just, even if we aren't together right now, life doesn't seem so bad. Plus the open communication between us combined with him, himself, reassuring me that I'm making the right choices has horrendously helped.

 

Sounds like you have a pretty positive outlook. I PM'd you about everything I've been feeling because I didn't want to post it to the public forum. I think you have a nice "advantage" of being in communication with your ex, though. Sounds like you're learning a lot and that it's really healthy.

[valavoo]

Today, it was hard getting out of bed. I dreamt something completely inconsequential but I still woke up thinking about you know who.

To be honest, I almost texted him. I've got to keep pushing somehow.

[Disenchanted]

Today, it was hard getting out of bed. I dreamt something completely inconsequential but I still woke up thinking about you know who.

To be honest, I almost texted him. I've got to keep pushing somehow.

 

Glad you didn't text him. What would you have said?

 

You're doing so well! You're helping a lot of people here! Don't forget that!

[valavoo]

Glad you didn't text him. What would you have said?

 

You're doing so well! You're helping a lot of people here! Don't forget that!

 

FFFFFFT I have no idea what I would have said. I just wanted to text, LOL. To be honest I have no IDEA how I'm helping people. I'm just posting updates about my innermost emotions incessantly. Haha!

[Disenchanted]

FFFFFFT I have no idea what I would have said. I just wanted to text, LOL. To be honest I have no IDEA how I'm helping people. I'm just posting updates about my innermost emotions incessantly. Haha!

 

Well, we PM and you're definitely helping me.

 

I had that urge a few weeks ago and we know how that turned out. I totally get it - the need to still connect.

[Ames34]

Everything u post helps

 

My ex has finally stopped contacting me, and it's thrown me into a bit of a panic. My first urge was to text him, but this is helping me to remember that it's not a good idea, and will only make me feel worse!

 

Hope everyone is doing better today xx.

[valavoo]

Everything u post helps

 

My ex has finally stopped contacting me, and it's thrown me into a bit of a panic. My first urge was to text him, but this is helping me to remember that it's not a good idea, and will only make me feel worse!

 

Hope everyone is doing better today xx.

 

Just wait until they contact you of their own volition. Live your life for now.

[valavoo]

A small announcement

 

To be completely honest, my presence on this forum has resulted in a lot of diminishing hopes about my situation. The sheer amount of negativity my post got when I first got here, and reading about all of these terribly sad stories while there is truly only one thread that points toward hope/reconciliation really contributed to my lack of confidence. I know that I need to decide what to do myself, but in my fragile emotional state it is hard for me to keep hoping when other people tell me to stop (regardless of whether they have the best intentions or are simply bitter). Regardless of whether others think it's a good idea or not, thinking of a future reconciliation helps me more than acting as if it's over forever.

 

A personal plug for confidence: I am allowed to not date others if I want. I am allowed to think of him as much as I desire and that does not automatically mean that I'm forgetting about my own individual future. I have some cool stuff in store for me personally, and I think living a duality of improving myself and loving my dear ex is perfectly alright.

 

*

 

I take responsibility for that difficulty myself, but what I need from this point forward is a lot of positivity and speculation about a positive future. Yes, I would like to have a future with my ex, and I would like to continue speaking realistically, and, yes, optimistically, about that fact.

 

I will probably come to this forum a little less, as a result. If any of you feel like talking in more detail about your own situation, I politely request that you PM me or direct me to your own post where you will be updating. I really hope you all understand why I'm saying this ;v;.

 

However, I do know that several of you want to remain in a little support group. Ames, Disenchanted, Vesper, Eidetic, and others, please head over to my other post to continue updating and telling your stories/venting, whatever. I'll try to provide advice when I can

 

 

Valerie

[valavoo]

Update: I have decided to quit using breakup buzzwords or 'buzzphrases'.

 

"NC", "LC", "Radio Silence", "GBT", "Become you 2.0!!111", "Breadcrumbs" . Ever had a time where you hear a word or phrases so many times it starts to piss you off? That's basically what I'm saying with those words. I say this ESPECIALLY because they're words that pigeonhole every single breakup into the same routine. It's not magic and it's certainly not routine. I suppose some of you may say that I'm just resentful that these """""proven tactics"""""" don't work for me as they have for others. Maybe I am. But I've definitely been leaning toward the more organic advice I've gotten from some very nice people here, not necessarily because it's different, but because it takes into account the individuality of everyone's situations.

 

In addition, I do worry about the healthiness of a bunch of people who have been broken up with giving each other advice and lifting each other up. I am always one to advocate for positivity, but I also realized that a lot of the people who have been giving me advice are people who haven't gotten back with exes. I wonder what that means or if we're all just support groups for each other and we're all in depressingly hopeless situations. In addition, some of the situations where people got back with their exes seem to be pretty unhealthy to me, and a lot of the ones who have gotten back with their exes in a HEALTHY way don't come back and post about it in any kind of detail. Obviously that is totally within their right! But it's disheartening. I would indeed love to hear from those who have had a successful time re-establishing their relationship.

 

I guess I'm just looking for positivity once again.

 

*just a note, I'm posting this on my more active thread as well, because I think it applies both here and there. Mods, if that's against the rules, I apologize ;n;

[loip9114]

Seems like a good position. I also dislike those 'proven tactics', I am not resentful as I do not implement them, but I find them dishonest. To me these ' tactics' sound as (sneaky) tips and tricks to get your ex back. I believe most of these 'tactics' are simple schemes to get people in a vulnerable position to throw their money against something that gives them hope.

In my opinion, I want to carve my own path. I want to have all decisions be my own and coming from my own conviction. That way, if things do not work out, I will not be second guessing my own judgement as the path I followed is the one I thought best for me.

 

A friend of mine had a discussion about being yourself and being honest (in regards to job applications, but kind of applies for multiple aspects imo) and I think it applies here. 4 scenarios can occur; 1) You're not yourself, and don't get the job. 2) You'renot yourself you get the job, 3) You're yourself and don't get the job. 4) You're yourself and get the job.

Well naturally I think everybody will see scenario 4 as the best. You are yourself and get the job, meaning you seem to be compatible with the job and should be there. You'll have an easier time staying in the job. 3 is also nice, because you do not get a job where you should not be and possibly feedback which you can take into your next application.

However, scenario 1 and 2 are less desirable. As in 1 you do not get the job and get feedback which is useless, as it does not apply to you personally. And you will be second guessing whether or not you would have gotten the job if you were just yourself. Number 2 might be the worst, as you get a job which you do not belong to and you were not yourself. So you'll always need to put up a facade to remain in the job.

Taking this philosophy, I believe you can see why I would definitely dislike those 'tactics' and would advocate the 'carve your own path, be yourself'.

 

The only thing I would however like to add is that I do believe there are tips and ways which somebody may use to make the breakup manageable for themselves. For example, keeping a journal, exercising, routine, rebounding, dating, grooming, shopping or anything. I do believe these are all very personal things as you mention. 'Go have sex with some other girl and you'll be over her' somebody said to me, another said 'Stay clear of dating for a while'. 'Just exercise untill you're pumped as hell', 'Take it easy for now', 'Go do some projects', 'Keep yourself distracted so you cannot think'. All of these things are useful, when applied to your specific case. Communication may also be helpful, or not. It all depends so much on the situations and who you are as a person.

 

About lifting each other up and providing advice, yes I see it more as a support group. But not that we are in depressing hopeless situations. I think your idea of people who do get back with their ex through scenario 4 (see above ) will not come back. But I believe there are success stories out there, not all is lost. Unlikely or likely is so hard to say, it depends so much on your situation. This is also again one of those pigeonhole things. What is your history? With hindsight, how compatible were you two? Were you fundamentally strong or was there something lacking? How badly has your trust been hurt? How did the breakup go? So many factors which might affect the outcome.

 

All with all, I admire and like your optimism and positivity. So please do not lose that, keep up your hope if you desire to reconcile. I'd love to hear your plan, as of this moment I still wish to reconcile with mine as well as I believe there is something worth saving. I just might take a different route.

[valavoo]

Seems like a good position. I also dislike those 'proven tactics', I am not resentful as I do not implement them, but I find them dishonest. To me these ' tactics' sound as (sneaky) tips and tricks to get your ex back. I believe most of these 'tactics' are simple schemes to get people in a vulnerable position to throw their money against something that gives them hope.

In my opinion, I want to carve my own path. I want to have all decisions be my own and coming from my own conviction. That way, if things do not work out, I will not be second guessing my own judgement as the path I followed is the one I thought best for me.

 

A friend of mine had a discussion about being yourself and being honest (in regards to job applications, but kind of applies for multiple aspects imo) and I think it applies here. 4 scenarios can occur; 1) You're not yourself, and don't get the job. 2) You'renot yourself you get the job, 3) You're yourself and don't get the job. 4) You're yourself and get the job.

Well naturally I think everybody will see scenario 4 as the best. You are yourself and get the job, meaning you seem to be compatible with the job and should be there. You'll have an easier time staying in the job. 3 is also nice, because you do not get a job where you should not be and possibly feedback which you can take into your next application.

However, scenario 1 and 2 are less desirable. As in 1 you do not get the job and get feedback which is useless, as it does not apply to you personally. And you will be second guessing whether or not you would have gotten the job if you were just yourself. Number 2 might be the worst, as you get a job which you do not belong to and you were not yourself. So you'll always need to put up a facade to remain in the job.

Taking this philosophy, I believe you can see why I would definitely dislike those 'tactics' and would advocate the 'carve your own path, be yourself'.

 

The only thing I would however like to add is that I do believe there are tips and ways which somebody may use to make the breakup manageable for themselves. For example, keeping a journal, exercising, routine, rebounding, dating, grooming, shopping or anything. I do believe these are all very personal things as you mention. 'Go have sex with some other girl and you'll be over her' somebody said to me, another said 'Stay clear of dating for a while'. 'Just exercise untill you're pumped as hell', 'Take it easy for now', 'Go do some projects', 'Keep yourself distracted so you cannot think'. All of these things are useful, when applied to your specific case. Communication may also be helpful, or not. It all depends so much on the situations and who you are as a person.

 

About lifting each other up and providing advice, yes I see it more as a support group. But not that we are in depressing hopeless situations. I think your idea of people who do get back with their ex through scenario 4 (see above ) will not come back. But I believe there are success stories out there, not all is lost. Unlikely or likely is so hard to say, it depends so much on your situation. This is also again one of those pigeonhole things. What is your history? With hindsight, how compatible were you two? Were you fundamentally strong or was there something lacking? How badly has your trust been hurt? How did the breakup go? So many factors which might affect the outcome.

 

All with all, I admire and like your optimism and positivity. So please do not lose that, keep up your hope if you desire to reconcile. I'd love to hear your plan, as of this moment I still wish to reconcile with mine as well as I believe there is something worth saving. I just might take a different route.

 

What a lovely and informative comment. I really appreciate it. I will continue to be a beacon of positivity and belief as long as I can. As for your question, I don't have a "plan" really other than to live my life. The bottom line is that I love him very much and I'm going to continue wanting to be in a relationship with him, and I think that there's no harm in trying to keep living my life in the meantime. This doesn't mean date, but it does mean fulfilling my obligations and pleasures. I personally believe that our problems were fixable and most definitely exacerbated by the distance brought on by college, and that we will be close again one day.

[valavoo]

Someone said something to me that shattered my faith for the day. I don't want to go into it but, know that it was speculation rather than truth, but I was upset anyway. Regardless of whether it was speculation or not, I am feeling pretty low and squashed right now. Worse, there's no one that can really get me out of it. I wish that person hadn't planted that toxic mental seed.

[MissCanuck]

In addition, I do worry about the healthiness of a bunch of people who have been broken up with giving each other advice and lifting each other up. I am always one to advocate for positivity, but I also realized that a lot of the people who have been giving me advice are people who haven't gotten back with exes.

 

A quick note related to this point, that I feel is worth mentioning - not everyone posting on this specific forum is doing so because they are currently in Heartbreak Hotel or want an ex back. Some, myself included, are in relationships or even married, and just find it interesting and helpful to trade ideas and thoughts, simply because we have at some point been in similar circumstances. Just about everyone has. So while I do see an awful lot of projection on the break-up forums from posters who are clearly still very hurt by their splits, there are also many of us who have not been through a break-up recently and are just lending an ear or alternative perspective. We can also serve as reminders that there are indeed sometimes happy endings.

 

Having said that, I do think it's important to main a positive mindset, no matter what. It's hard, some days more than others, but it is crucial to keep some positive attainable goals in your sights. That helps to push you forward day to day, so that the mind doesn't become wrapped up in the reconciliation as the only future goal.

[valavoo]

A quick note related to this point, that I feel is worth mentioning - not everyone posting on this specific forum is doing so because they are currently in Heartbreak Hotel or want an ex back. Some, myself included, are in relationships or even married, and just find it interesting and helpful to trade ideas and thoughts, simply because we have at some point been in similar circumstances. Just about everyone has. So while I do see an awful lot of projection on the break-up forums from posters who are clearly still very hurt by their splits, there are also many of us who have not been through a break-up recently and are just lending an ear or alternative perspective. We can also serve as reminders that there are indeed sometimes happy endings.

 

Having said that, I do think it's important to main a positive mindset, no matter what. It's hard, some days more than others, but it is crucial to keep some positive attainable goals in your sights. That helps to push you forward day to day, so that the mind doesn't become wrapped up in the reconciliation as the only future goal.

 

 

Indeed, a very positive and uplifting bit of advice there. Thanks as usual. What I do when I'm super down is look forward to little things - trivial things. Like a teeny tiny thing I want to experience tomorrow or even in the next five minutes that helps me get through those dark times. It's not much, but it works when you're really low.

[MissCanuck]

Indeed, a very positive and uplifting bit of advice there. Thanks as usual. What I do when I'm super down is look forward to little things - trivial things. Like a teeny tiny thing I want to experience tomorrow or even in the next five minutes that helps me get through those dark times. It's not much, but it works when you're really low.

 

I agree. I have been in those low places before, and looking forward to little joys helps tremendously.

[valavoo]

I agree. I have been in those low places before, and looking forward to little joys helps tremendously.

 

Sorry. Never replied to you - thanks much again

[valavoo]

I am looking for ways to deal with some overthinking I've been going through.

 

He's starting school in a couple weeks to finish out his college career. I guess I'm just really scared that him going back to school means that he'll forget I exist even more, since he'll be pretty much surrounded by his friends and schoolwork and whatever.

 

I wish that I could cling to the unknown rather than always assume the negative.

[loip9114]

I am looking for ways to deal with some overthinking I've been going through.

 

He's starting school in a couple weeks to finish out his college career. I guess I'm just really scared that him going back to school means that he'll forget I exist even more, since he'll be pretty much surrounded by his friends and schoolwork and whatever.

 

I wish that I could cling to the unknown rather than always assume the negative.

 

I also had a lot of problems with overthinking. I have done a multitude of things to get it out of my mind or at least make it manageable.

1) Started meditating; this was difficult for me to learn. But with practice I got better and better. It showed me to accept the thougths and not label them. As labelling them would mean I would either start resisting them (bad) or started wallowing in them (good). For example, thoughts of my ex being with another (bad), resist resist. Thought of my ex returning ('good'), yeeeey stay in this thought. Making me overthink and dwell on them. So acceptance of the thoughts for a while was good.

2) No information; Not getting anymore information also makes it easier. As stated many times over, I stopped communication 48 days ago (holy crap that's long) and haven't broken that chain (yeees!). This means that all the information I already have has been processed till death already. So anytime overthinking starts I am able to point to the everything I already thought off. Somewhat destroying the necessity of overthinking.

3) Accepting no control; Overthinking is also a form of anxiety I believe. You are anxious of something you cannot control, but by thinking about it you believe you can plan for all outcomes that migth occur. Which gives a false sense of control. Now this is a tricky one, as it means you have to accept you cannot control it which is exactly the reason for your anxiety.

4) Breathing; a more physical act. As I said earlier, anxiety is part of overthinking. Anxiety can create very physical responses, however if you start deep breathing you are actually telling your body to go into 'resting mode'. This is why you always tell people with panic attacks to put their head between their legs and start following your instructions to breath slowly. This means 4 seconds in, hold for a while, and 4 seconds out. This takes some practice, but in my head I repeated this (bit silly) phrase 'Breath in peace, hold and exchange for anxiety, and breath out the anxiety' slowly repeating this in my head made me able to breath slowly.

5) Letting it go; now as I said earlier, accept that the overthinking and thoughts are there. More or less tell yourself it is perfectly natural and fine that they are there, but there is also a moment you have to release them. This is 'letting go', not of your ex or anything in that sense, merely the overthinking. I saw this [url=" of a technique to let it go. It actually worked for me, also to let go of the anxiety of my ex having another, I even was able to reduce the emptiness I feel every morning when waking up. It helped me. Now whenever I get into the process of overthinking or see anything that I associate with my ex. I repeat the last two loops ('I will let it all go now' etc. and 'Let it go, let it go').

6) Being present; overthinking means you are losing yourself in your head. One way I could ground myself in the present and reality was to start describing my surrounding and what I was doing at the moment. So more or less narration of your own life. 'I am walking in a beautiful, green landscape, looking over a city with a rich history. Enjoying the nice cool air and walk I am taking'. It didn't need to be long, but it occupied my thoughts. Stopping the process.

7) Writing it down; this one I used in combination with the video I mentioned earlier. Whenever I started overthinking, I whipped out a pen and paper which I kept in my pocket and wrote down what started it. I then said to myself, I will deal with this emotion/feeling later on using that video.

8 ) Indulge a bit; this one is very very tricky, as you will actually allow yourself to indulge in the overthinking for a while. Again this refers to 'no resistance' some guy in a video I watched said 'Resistance makes stronger' I believe this holds true for emotions and thoughts. Resisting them will make them come back further. Therefore, indulging in them a bit might give the thoughts the space it so much desires. BUT maintain your focus, that you allow them and indulge them yourself. So see them as children running around and you're the parent, you let them roam free for a while, but at some point they have to go to bed. So I stated things in my head 'It's ok you can roam free for now' and ended it with 'ok you've had your fun, now it's time to sleep'.

9) State the thought; now do not label them, but you can however say 'This is me hope', 'Here I go fantasizing again', 'I am feeling anxious again'. Stating your feelings and the source of your overthinking might give you some grip on it.

10) Plan a distraction; Do not start immediatly distracting yourself, as this is also a form of resistance in my opinion. But do say, 'ok you can overthink for a while, but after 5-10 minutes we will start watching this funny clip/play this game/start walking'. This way you allow yourself to think, but also say stop. This is similar to 8, but with more of a physical action.

 

I tried many things, I found that resisting the thought is NOT working. Challenging yourself to think less and less about it, is NOT working. It's the whole 'pink elephant' problem (told to death already). Thoughts flow, that's what they do. They come and go, and they only stay if you latch onto them. That's what I believe, and it made me get more control on the overthinking problem.

 

Do I still overthink? Hell yes, do I still fantasy and hope? Absolutely, am I still anxious? Definitely. Does it control my everyday life? Not so much anymore.

 

See what you think works for you, try them all I'd say. Sometimes accepting them is enough, sometimes letting it go works, or writing them down. It all differs, whenever you have a reoccuring thought you might want to try another technique. Also some of these things are more action-orientated, others are more mind-discipline. At first action-orientated may help very much, as you need to get some grip on it. But eventually, the mind-discipline will work perfectly fine.

[boltnrun]

He is not going to forget you exist! Like someone else said, unless he's mentally deficient or has a head injury he cannot possibly completely forget you exist.

 

He could get distracted by new experiences, but completely and totally forget you're on the planet? No way.

[valavoo]

 

See what you think works for you, try them all I'd say. Sometimes accepting them is enough, sometimes letting it go works, or writing them down. It all differs, whenever you have a reoccuring thought you might want to try another technique. Also some of these things are more action-orientated, others are more mind-discipline. At first action-orientated may help very much, as you need to get some grip on it. But eventually, the mind-discipline will work perfectly fine.

 

Indeed, I got you. I've tried all of that many times over. Just doesn't work - especially since I just want to stop overthinking completely and also remain positive/hopeful. I get really frustrated with myself when I can't be in that place. I'm a very external processor and I really hate to have to sit there and think and think and think without talking to another living thing about it that can actually respond (that rules out pets and inanimate objects). But then after I talk to someone I have to go back and process it myself.

 

Ugh, I am frustrating.

 

I get so worked up that I reach out to a million people for advice, confuse myself, and then it takes days for me to get back to some semblance of positivity. I wish that wasn't who I am, but it is.

[valavoo]

He is not going to forget you exist! Like someone else said, unless he's mentally deficient or has a head injury he cannot possibly completely forget you exist.

 

He could get distracted by new experiences, but completely and totally forget you're on the planet? No way.

 

Totally. I was probably exaggerating a little bit but I'm sure you get my real point. Thanks for the validation. Sometimes, that's really all you need to feel a little better (validation, I mean).

[loip9114]

Indeed, I got you. I've tried all of that many times over. Just doesn't work - especially since I just want to stop overthinking completely and also remain positive/hopeful. I get really frustrated with myself when I can't be in that place. I'm a very external processor and I really hate to have to sit there and think and think and think without talking to another living thing about it that can actually respond (that rules out pets and inanimate objects). But then after I talk to someone I have to go back and process it myself.

 

Ugh, I am frustrating.

 

I get so worked up that I reach out to a million people for advice, confuse myself, and then it takes days for me to get back to some semblance of positivity. I wish that wasn't who I am, but it is.

 

Have you tried thinking that the overthinking is also a process? Something that will not stop completely in one go? As something you need to surrender to, accepting that as a part of the current reality. I want to get healed as quickly as possible and time is slowing me down (hehe), I get impatient that I am not there yet (bloody hell just over 2 months act normal man), so I get frustrated. But I trust in the process and myself to guide me. I surrender to the situation and that makes it bearable. The same could also kind of apply here. You (desperately) want to stop overthinking and remain positive, so each that does not happen you get this feeling of failure which is frustrating. But it would actually be a superhuman feat to remain positive, hopeful and stop overthinking all at once during a breakup. Your emotions are going crazy! they are mental! and they do whatever they damn well feel like, and there is nothing you can do about it. (That's what your emotions are shouting). They are like rebellious teenagers, the more you push, the more they shove. They will find a way to party and drink. So you can allow them to party and drink under your supervision, or have them drink at a friends house (

 

My train of thought is, it's ok to fall back a bit. two steps forward, one step back. Even if that one step back feels like it are 10, it is only 1. And about that advice of others, I also confuse myself sometimes with that. That's why I have a small piece of paper with a couple of lines that return me to my center. I have this with me all the time. Whenever I lose my way, such as people stating you need to have some communication, she'll never return etc. I use this to get back to my plan, heal first, think later.