valavoo Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 Hello lovely people! Please be kind. I've told this story so many times to so many people. I'm exhausted, but I am still feeling lost. Call me Valerie. I won't put my real name here because I don't want my ex to find this [that would be awkward, wouldn't it, ha!] In any case, I'll make this as streamlined as possible. I was with him for five years, four of which are long distance. Relationship was wonderful aside from normal relationship issues which were magnified by distance. We spent like 80% of our time together when we weren't busy with classes and our friends at our respective institutions. For a while, it was great. Things changed second semester of this past school year. About a month before we broke up, we had an argument over time spent with his friends versus time spent with me. He was starting to want to go out with his friends more and frankly, I feel that I did not handle it well and he did not communicate these changes in his desires well. At the same time, we were both EXTREMELY stressed out from the end of the college semester taking its toll (I was facing immense pressure from upcoming graduation and entering grad school) and everything just...piled up. I fully admit that I was not acting myself. One night about 1 month before I graduated, we had a pretty large argument because we'd set aside a day to hang out but he was invited somewhere with friends and I felt that he shouldn't break his promise to hang out with me because I felt that meant he didn't care, and he said that it didn't mean that he didn't care and that we could reschedule. That night, he attempted to break up with me saying that he couldn't do it anymore and he couldn't be what I needed in a relationship, but I convinced him to try until I graduated because while I saw his reasons, I thought that we should wait until the stress died down to talk about it. However, a few days in, I felt nervous and pushed us to talk about it like three days later. He said a number of things including the fact that he felt like we weren't growing in the same direction anymore (citing that I knew what I wanted to do with my life but he didn't), that he was scared long distance would break us, that he hadn't been quite as happy in the relationship for the past month, that he loved me but thought that this was for the best. Afterward, he made a pretty decent effort to be friends but it really freaking hurt because he said he wasn't sure when or if he'd want to come back to the relationship, despite loving me. After another week or so of back and forth, I finally accepted the breakup and told him that I would not be able to be his friend for a little while, but that I wasn't closing the door to him. So....we didn't speak for a month save for once when he messaged me something he thought I might want to see. After that, I decided to try to get back in touch with him, so I sent him a similar link and we got to talking and he said he was happy to hear from me and was glad I was doing alright ( L O L well at least it outwardly looked like that!). A few days later, I tried to just say hey let's catch up, but he stated that he was busy and never got back to me (though he was totally fine to like/share something I'd posted on FB ?_?). So I've gone back to keeping my distance. Perhaps I came back to early, perhaps I shouldn't have done no contact in the first place. TL I will fully admit that I am devastated not to be with him. It's less about me not feeling like I can be a person at all without him, but that I miss him in my life romantically. I miss him, not 'a boyfriend'. I think that the issues that caused the breakup can be worked through, and I am currently working on my part and trying to live life regardless. THOUGHTS - 1. At this point, to control myself, I've deleted his number, unfollowed him on Instagram and another site we both share, and forced myself to stop checking his Facebook page. 2. Something that has been hard from me is that he has not yet removed me from his profile picture on various social media sites, and is actively "liking", my uploads though that has decreased a little recently. That, and one of our mutuals told me that his feelings toward me hadn't changed. 3. I'm feeling very confused and overwhelmed because like half the internet preaches "give up, move on" and the other half yells "have faith, you'll get another chance!". Even all the relationship blogs cite completely opposite statistics. It's maddening. I don't know who to listen to. 4. I even got a relationship coach to help me through this, but he said that not enough time has passed yet and this is a really slow process that could take months. I just feel like I'm running out of time somehow. 5. But at the same time he looks to be doing fine without me. Some of the things he used to do with me he now seems to be doing with his two best friends. 6. What I'm looking to do is only message sparingly throughout July, and perhaps try to sit down and talk about us in August? Especially to communicate the fact that I've worked on some of the things I think messed up our relationship. I don't know if that's the right decision either... 7. Also, he really isn't the jealous type. He would truly be happy for me if I started dating someone else, I think. And he seemed genuinely happy that he thought I was doing alright. I am not interested in playing mind games anyway. That isn't love. That...was a lot longer than I intended. Sorry. Link to comment
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