poitler Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 The other night when I was hooking up with some guy, he asked if he could record me during. I was scared of what would happen if I said no so I said yes even though I didn't want to. After, I worked up the nerve to ask him to delete the videos and he was really cool about it and I watched him delete the videos. However I have really bad anxiety and of course it's telling me that he didn't delete them and will post them somewhere. So I guess what I'm looking for is a rational voice of reassurance. He doesn't know my name, number, address or any identifying information about me, and I was there when he deleted the videos. I know getting involved with strangers for fun isn't smart, and I really regret it, I just don't want this to ruin my life. My anxiety is just taking over. Please help me get over this anxiety. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 I can only say, never, never, EVER again record or have someone take sex/nude pictures of you. EVER. They WILL eventually, somehow find their way on the internet. Also, never, ever take nude selfies and send them to guys, for the same reason. (Not saying you do, but just in case the thought ever crossed your mind). I'm afraid there is not much one can do to make your anxiety disappear. Link to comment
jujusamples Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 What did you think was going to happen if you said NO? It's unfortunate that it's already happen, let's just hope that he won't post anything anywhere. I also hope this is a lesson learnt for you and will not do this again. Link to comment
Ziggy123 Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 You need to learn how to say no, it's your body and you should only consent if it's really what you want Link to comment
poitler Posted June 3, 2017 Author Share Posted June 3, 2017 I realize it was stupid of me to do, and I know I should be better about telling men no. The rational part of me is telling me I don't have any reason to worry since they were deleted and he doesn't know anything about me, but my emotions are just getting the best of me and making me go crazy Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 I'm not saying this to make you freak out. But what if he backed them up to the cloud before deleting? Presumably you have his contact info, yes? File a police report for threats of revenge porn. Link to comment
poitler Posted June 4, 2017 Author Share Posted June 4, 2017 So I should file a police report even though he hasn't made any threats and there's no proof the videos are still there? Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 So I should file a police report even though he hasn't made any threats and there's no proof the videos are still there? Oh oops. I misread your sentence. I thought you said HE was threatening to share the photos. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 Yeah, media is normally automatically saved to the cloud when it's downloaded or recorded. That's how my friend found out her husband was having an affair even though he'd deleted the texts. I'm curious, why were you afraid to say no? Are you in the habit of agreeing to do things you don't really want to do in fear that someone will get mad? Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 What's done is done, but I would have chose the lesser of two evils and high tailed it out of there. Other than that, you need to ask yourself why would you place yourself in such a risky situation, and more importantly in the company of a stranger? Link to comment
Jeetsun Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 It's important to pay attention to the alarm bells going off in your head or that gut feeling you get when something is off. I assume you were alone with him at your place or his when he asked if he could record you as you stated you were in fear of what he may do had you said no? That's a pretty big inclination on your part that something wasn't right about this guy if you had that type of feeling to begin with if you simply wanted to placate him in fear. Link to comment
poitler Posted June 4, 2017 Author Share Posted June 4, 2017 Yeah, media is normally automatically saved to the cloud when it's downloaded or recorded. That's how my friend found out her husband was having an affair even though he'd deleted the texts. I'm curious, why were you afraid to say no? Are you in the habit of agreeing to do things you don't really want to do in fear that someone will get mad? I said yes because I was scared of what would happen if I refused. Like being hurt. And I know having sex with strangers is indicative of a whole other host of problems, namely that I'm insecure and I think that sex will make it better, and I recognize that. I usually agree to do things I don't want to do so someone else doesn't get upset. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 I said yes because I was scared of what would happen if I refused. Like being hurt. And I know having sex with strangers is indicative of a whole other host of problems, namely that I'm insecure and I think that sex will make it better, and I recognize that. I usually agree to do things I don't want to do so someone else doesn't get upset. Have you ever considered getting professional help for these issues? I strongly recommend that you do. Link to comment
Wolfshook Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 Umm, wow. I mean, sure file a police report because he did something you agreed to do... Now seriously, you need to go to consulting, it seems like you have many issues to resolve. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 Umm, wow. I mean, sure file a police report because he did something you agreed to do... Now seriously, you need to go to consulting, it seems like you have many issues to resolve. I suggested a police report because I misread her post. I thought he was threatening to publish her video. Link to comment
thealchemist Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 If you do what people want you to do when they apply pressure you are in for a rough life. You will get manipulated a lot. My friend dated a girl that was like this and she repeatedly cheated on him because she couldn't say no. That is a really bad habit. What if he didn't want to use a condom and you got an STD or pregnant? Also predators are attracted to people with the need to please. They just force them into uncomfortable situations to make them be illogical. Lots of women are raped because guys apply pressure like that and ignore their inner voice. There are a lot of bad things that can happen and this isn't even the worst. Also most people have backups so deleting from phone means nothing. It is so crazily dangerous to make a video with someone you have a LTR with an trust, much less a stranger hookup. Link to comment
boxingguy Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 Wow speechless. Irresponsibility at its near finest. Smh. Take care of yourself please. -_- If you watched him delete then, based on the Law Of Total Probability with only the avaliable variables you stated then you're safe. Probability low that he still has it. So uploading is not plausible. There is your rationality based on facts. Link to comment
Limiya Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 I don't think you should be intimate with anyone else again until you can learn to say no and respect yourself. This will only become a regular problem otherwise. Also, please start counseling to help you overcome these problems. Link to comment
Matt3939 Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 First I think if you have any questions maybe don't do it. It's not getting on a ride at great adventure. Maybe you aren't the best looking couple? I filmed myself when I was in a relationship. It sounded like a good idea till we watched it. It got deleted right away. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 First I think if you have any questions maybe don't do it. It's not getting on a ride at great adventure. Maybe you aren't the best looking couple? I filmed myself when I was in a relationship. It sounded like a good idea till we watched it. It got deleted right away. They aren't a couple. This guy is a casual hookup. A stranger, by her own admission. Link to comment
boxingguy Posted June 6, 2017 Share Posted June 6, 2017 I don't think you should be intimate with anyone else again until you can learn to say no and respect yourself. This will only become a regular problem otherwise. Also, please start counseling to help you overcome these problems. Limiya gets it. Kudos. Link to comment
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