WombatShadow Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 A few days ago I posted about this guy who, at the time, was about a Stage 3 clinger. He bumped himself up to Stage 3.5 or 4 so after that post when he sent me two more "Good Morning" texts (one of which was at 5 AM!) and when he repeatedly texted me because he was concerned I was bored at my niece's birthday party (apparently I came across as unenthusiastic in my one response to him that afternoon...imagine that...). He also started dropping hints that he wants to have sex, which is perfectly fine but not something I am personally comfortable with before several dates have come and gone. Nonetheless, I did go on the date we had arranged last night. I was kind of hoping that our hour-long dinner and my declining to do anything else afterwards would be a big enough hint, but he texted me several times last night to tell me how awesome the date was and how fantastic I am. I didn't respond, but he texted me again today. At this point, I don't even want a texting relationship with him, because I know he'll take that to mean he has a chance with me and I don't want to mislead him. On the other hand, I don't know if it would be to brusque to tell him to lose my number. I've had thoughts of framing it about the distance (he's over an hour away and I'm not nearly invested enough for a long-distance situation), but I feel like that might be weird to use unless he actually asks me back out. I certainly don't want to ghost him, because I've seen what it can do to people and I don't want to be that mean unless I have no other option. How do I tell him that I don't even want to text him anymore without coming across as a stone-hearted witch? Link to comment
Andrina Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 When I did OLD, my standard message was this: I enjoyed our time together, but I don't feel the chemistry I need for a longterm relationship. I wish you well. It was the truth. When I knew they were interested, and they clearly would be asking me out again, I didn't wait for their next communication because I just wanted the whole thing done and over with, without dreading the inevitable over hours or days. Link to comment
Annia Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 I'd tell him bluntely but politely something like: "Look, I've enjoyed our dates but I don't feel that we are on the same page and I don't see this working between us. I hope that you're happy and find someone more compatible. Bye". Since from what I understand you've only been to two dates I don't think it's bad if you do this by text. Then you stick to what you said and don't date him anymore nor engage into conversation so that he doesn't get his hopes high again. I think this is more compassionate than not telling him and go to dates with him and dropping small hints. It's better and more honest to just say that this is not working. You don't even need to tell him what you don't like about him, just need to be clear so that he understands and moves on. Better sooner than later. Link to comment
WombatShadow Posted May 31, 2017 Author Share Posted May 31, 2017 We've only done one date. We literally met online on Friday, and at first we got on so well, but he's just a clingster. Good ideas from both of you. I'll model my own text after them somewhat. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 I appreciate that you don't want to hurt his feelings but you are putting his comfort above your own. Be respectful as others have said and bow out. His feelings are his to deal with. There are consequences to certain behaviors. This is an important lesson for him. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Im a little confused with this... issue. Sounds like you are totally NOT into this dude... so why would you even think of him 'asking you back out', again? I suggest you be honest with him.. that you are not into this. Don't lead him on. Link to comment
j.man Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Well, first off, declining to do anything after the actual arranged date activity doesn't necessarily imply you're not into them. Could just as easily mean you've only allocated a certain amount of time for the date or that you prefer to keep the first meet healthy and brief. That said, you don't really owe it to this guy at all to spare his feelings. A simple "I appreciate the dinner, but I unfortunately didn't feel the chemistry that I'm looking for. Thanks again and I wish you the best of luck" would suffice. Don't worry about the whole "lost my number" routine. If he can't take the rejection, blocking his number is just a button away. Sorry this guy was a dud. Best of luck with your future prospects! Link to comment
WombatShadow Posted May 31, 2017 Author Share Posted May 31, 2017 Im a little confused with this... issue. Sounds like you are totally NOT into this dude... so why would you even think of him 'asking you back out', again? I suggest you be honest with him.. that you are not into this. Don't lead him on. Because he has dropped major hints that he wants to see me again. I was unsure if it would be rude to tell him to stop talking to me before he takes it another step further or not, but it seems that it's best to nip it in the bud. I've never actually gone out on just one date before, so I'm completely unfamiliar with protocol Link to comment
JaggerJim Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Whats a stage 3 clinger? Do you not like your dates to show you their interest? Link to comment
WombatShadow Posted May 31, 2017 Author Share Posted May 31, 2017 Whats a stage 3 clinger? Do you not like your dates to show you their interest? You can see my last post, but he was overly-familiar with me. I told him I needed to go to bed, he continued texting. He started sending me "Good Morning!" texts immediately, and he continually texted me without me responding when I had already told him I would be busy. I have gotten more texts from him in the past 4/5 days than I have from all of my friends combined over the past month. There's absolutely nothing wrong with a date showing interest, and at first our conversation was great, but he got really attached to me really fast. Some people can deal with constant texting, but I am not one of them, and his continued attempts to foster that constant communication made him appear clingy. Link to comment
Annia Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Whats a stage 3 clinger? Do you not like your dates to show you their interest? English is not my first language but I think a stage 3 clinger is someone who is too needy and very clingy on someone not giving space for the relationship to develop at its own pace. It's different than simply showing interest. Link to comment
WombatShadow Posted May 31, 2017 Author Share Posted May 31, 2017 English is not my first language but I think a stage 3 clinger is someone who is too needy and very clingy on someone not giving space for the relationship to develop at its own pace. It's different than simply showing interest. Exactly. There's a phrase I've seen thrown around a lot that describes those people who are constantly crying when they have to leave their SO's side and who are literally glued to their phone while they're apart as Stage 5 clingers. He wasn't there but well on his way, so I called him a Stage 3 (now 3.5 or 4). Way too much, way too fast. Link to comment
JaggerJim Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Well I don't think your shy in coming forward, so why don't you just be blunt and cut it? No-one likes dumping people, but it sounds like your going to have too. Link to comment
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