thornz Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 So I was told today by my employer that they are not going to renew my contract. Yet again I'm jobless. I've had to cancel my psychotherapy on anticipation of needing to spend the money on other things. I don't understand where I'm going wrong. I'm so sad, all I want is to be able to create some stability for myself and no matter which way I turn I feel like I'm forever changing jobs, moving house or in and out of relationships that go nowhere. All I want is to be able to feel settled and like I can take care of myself but I keep failing over and over. It's just so depressing and it's yet another cycle I feel stuck in. I've pulled my finger out and rung some recruiters and will apply for jobs and put my CV on websites but I don't imagine I will get a job before I'm homeless again. It must be something I'm doing wrong to end up in these situations time and time again? Link to comment
LaHermes Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 T. What reason did your employer give for not renewing your contract? Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted May 30, 2017 Share Posted May 30, 2017 T. What reason did your employer give for not renewing your contract? This is extremely relevant. What was the reason for the non-renewal? Sometimes these vacancies are subject to finance from external source(s) and are nothing to do with your actual performance. The only thing you're doing to get yourself in this situation repeatedly is going for short-term contracts, rather than a permanent position. Link to comment
thornz Posted May 30, 2017 Author Share Posted May 30, 2017 This is extremely relevant. What was the reason for the non-renewal? Sometimes these vacancies are subject to finance from external source(s) and are nothing to do with your actual performance. The only thing you're doing to get yourself in this situation repeatedly is going for short-term contracts, rather than a permanent position. He didn't give any reasons. I just said thanks and left. It was advertised as a permanent position with an initial years contract and they are still hiring others. I've asked for a performance review twice in the last two months and never got one. Link to comment
LaHermes Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 T. I feel you would be entitled to the courtesy of an explanation. Why didn't you ask? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 He didn't give any reasons. I find that very odd. Where I come from they would call this "unfair dismissal" in court. Link to comment
thornz Posted May 31, 2017 Author Share Posted May 31, 2017 T. I feel you would be entitled to the courtesy of an explanation. Why didn't you ask? I think I just wanted to get out of there. I should have really. Link to comment
thornz Posted May 31, 2017 Author Share Posted May 31, 2017 I find that very odd. Where I come from they would call this "unfair dismissal" in court. My contract expires on the 23rd and they don't have to take me on permanently if they don't want. Link to comment
LaHermes Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 So, T. Essentially you really didn't want to stay on in that job: "I think I just wanted to get out of there". I don't understand where I'm going wrong. This is turning into a vicious circle. No job - no psychotherapy. No psychotherapy - no progress, and ....no job. What do you think, T? Link to comment
thornz Posted May 31, 2017 Author Share Posted May 31, 2017 Yes, it seems to be a vicious cycle of losing jobs, moving house and relationships falling apart. I feel like I've a lot of work to do on myself and would like to finish my degree but between moving houses, break ups and losing jobs I never seem to get settled, my anxiety worsens and as soon as I start to feel settled or get back on my feet everything goes wrong. I'm trying to cling on to my sanity. I need to have some security to deal with my anxiety and to complete my degree but I can't seem to manage it for long enough to tackle my issues or save for my degree modules. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 I think wanting stability in the way you define it is a tall order - stability in all those areas at once? Very hard to find. I understand that right now things seems chaotic but you can do this, you got this, try to keep the pity party to the minimum you can and let yourself take baby steps without expecting that everything "should" be stable. Link to comment
thornz Posted June 1, 2017 Author Share Posted June 1, 2017 I think wanting stability in the way you define it is a tall order - stability in all those areas at once? Very hard to find. I understand that right now things seems chaotic but you can do this, you got this, try to keep the pity party to the minimum you can and let yourself take baby steps without expecting that everything "should" be stable. But surely I should be able to manage to keep at least one area stable? Like being employed without a break, even if it's with different employers? That's my aim at the moment to try get a job before this one finishes so I have no break inbetween. Link to comment
LaHermes Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 Thornz: "I think I just wanted to get out of there" Maybe your employer got that vibe off you, and hence decided not to renew. What do you think? Why did you "want to get out of there" (i.e. the job? Link to comment
thornz Posted June 1, 2017 Author Share Posted June 1, 2017 Thornz: "I think I just wanted to get out of there" Maybe your employer got that vibe off you, and hence decided not to renew. What do you think? Why did you "want to get out of there" (i.e. the job? I wanted to get out of the room. But yes it wasn't the best job in the world. I think I struggle to motivate myself, I've been fatigued and falling asleep. I've been trying to address this with medication but that only works for so long before I need to put my dose up. Then I decided to do the CBT which would have helped me feel more stable. I have anxiety of losing my job or becoming homeless (which has happened before) so I don't perform as well as I should and can't focus at work and then get more anxious and I lose my job, so then I'm even more anxious and panic and struggle to find a new job because I'm a mess and not being proactive. I'm doing my very best every day to apply for jobs, call back recruiters, tell myself I've got this, I will get a new job before this contract ends. I'm trying to break this cycle. Once I get a new job then I will need to focus on that and therapy. I don't trust my ability to cope in these situations so I need to challenge that belief! Link to comment
Jetta Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 Ask your county for help. Focus on healing your anxiety. The rest will follow suit. Link to comment
thornz Posted June 2, 2017 Author Share Posted June 2, 2017 Ask your county for help. Focus on healing your anxiety. The rest will follow suit. My county? Link to comment
Jetta Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 Are there support services where you live. Housing, medical, etc.? Go there. They have resources and tools to help. Link to comment
thornz Posted June 3, 2017 Author Share Posted June 3, 2017 Are there support services where you live. Housing, medical, etc.? Go there. They have resources and tools to help. Ah yes, I plan to apply for benefits when my job ends if I haven't got a new one before. My doctor suggested CBT and I could go back but there will be a long wait, I will likely have a new job before I get appointed a therapist. I will be applying for lots more jobs tomorrow morning. I'm making this and socialising my focus to avoid spiralling into a pit of depression. I also bought dummy's guide to CBT which I will use in the meantime to help me along when I'm feeling like there is nothing good going on for me. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 But surely I should be able to manage to keep at least one area stable? Like being employed without a break, even if it's with different employers? That's my aim at the moment to try get a job before this one finishes so I have no break inbetween. Maybe not what you want to hear but it depends on your definition of "stable" and in your definition, no, sometimes life throws curve balls and sometimes more than your fair share at the time. Most people have a break in between - I didn't for many years because my job moves were with my team and we moved as a group to new companies -but that was unusual. I really believe that perspective and expectations can make all the difference. I work on this almost ever day internally and with my 8 year old so I have lots of practice! Link to comment
thornz Posted June 5, 2017 Author Share Posted June 5, 2017 Maybe not what you want to hear but it depends on your definition of "stable" and in your definition, no, sometimes life throws curve balls and sometimes more than your fair share at the time. Most people have a break in between - I didn't for many years because my job moves were with my team and we moved as a group to new companies -but that was unusual. I really believe that perspective and expectations can make all the difference. I work on this almost ever day internally and with my 8 year old so I have lots of practice! I feel like I'm have had more than my fair share of poop for most of my life. I'm comparing myself with my peers when I say I can't create any stability for myself. Most of my friends haven't had great upbringings either but they've managed to hold down jobs, have long term relationships, have lived in the same place most of their lives etc. Do you think it's a pattern started from moving around care homes as a child that I'm subconsciously repeating because it's all I know. I feel like I have no control over my life and it sucks!!!! Link to comment
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