We broke up 7 weeks ago and we are going on a trip together this weekend

[gbgaia]

Hi everybody,

 

It is my first time posting. In the past few weeks I've been struggling a lot. My ex bf and I met in grad school (I am 22 and he is 23) and we immediately hit it off. We started dating and spending 24/7 together almost right away. I spent Christmas with his family, our relationship was serious. Then we went through an undesired pregnancy and abortion. Right after that trauma, and about 8 months of relationship, he broke up with me, saying that our relationship was good but he didn't feel like we were soulmates. He said that he was at a point where he didn't want to be in a relationship, if he didn't see himself getting married and staying together forever. I had noticed that in the previous few weeks he had been drifting away from me, partying with friends, avoiding me. However, I thought he just needed some space after being literally ALWAYS together for months... I wasn't expecting a break-up.

 

During the break up he begged to stay friends, so we continued to hang out with each other on and off, slowly drifting apart. I just heard that lately he has been sleeping/hanging out with this girl he met at a frat party some time before he broke up with me. At the time, I noticed that he added this girl on facebook and that she was snapping him sometimes, but I didn't want to be paranoid and just ignored it. He was telling me that he loved me all the time and I wanted to trust him.

 

Now, coincidence wants that we both have interviews on Friday, at different companies but their offices are basically next to each other (destiny is funny sometimes). We live upstate NY and our interviews are in NYC, so it makes sense that we just drive there together and share hotel room for two days. How do you think I should approach this trip? It's a six hour drive, so there's a lot of time for talking.

 

My main concern right now is my well being. My relationship with him isolated me from everything else. When we were together he was very jealous and always wanted to have me around, so I didn't get the chance to make any friends. Also, the abortion process was terrible, the worst time of my life and maybe the worst decision of my life (I always wanted to be a mother badly, and I kinda let him convince me to choose abortion). I have been crying a lot in the past month, and discovering that he has someone new was an utter surprise and hurt me a lot. I just want to turn this opportunity that destiny threw at us into something positive. I want to do well in my interview. Any advice?

[Jibralta]

It sounds like you still have a lot of emotional turmoil from this relationship. I think you should probably just make this trip by yourself.

[gbgaia]

Thank you for your suggestion. I'm still thinking about it.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. It sounds like too much too soon too fast. Who brought up marriage and soulmates after only 8 mos of dating?

 

He's seeing other women, why go on an overnight trip with him?

 

Take the train or drive yourself and focus on the job interview. Unless you are looking for a hookup don't suggest this. This makes no sense whatsoever 6797200]it makes sense that we just drive there together and share hotel room for two days.

[HeartGoesOn]

He's been sleeping with another girl, (your words) and you're planning on sharing a hotel room with him? My advice is to go on the interview by yourself, and leave him in the past, where he belongs.

 

Respect yourself.

[gbgaia]

Sorry this happened. It sounds like too much too soon too fast. Who brought up marriage and soulmates after only 8 mos of dating?

 

He's seeing other women, why go on an overnight trip with him?

 

Take the train or drive yourself and focus on the job interview. Unless you are looking for a hookup don't suggest this. This makes no sense whatsoever

 

Thank you for your reply. He brought up marriage and soulmates... During our relationship I was trying to keep things chill, just enjoying each other's company. I honestly believe that a 23 year old is not ready to think about marriage. Especially not somebody like him, who loves to party and was kind of a player before dating me. His all time favorite conversation topic is how to flirt with girls and get them in bed quickly.

 

However, he was pushing to make things very serious between us. He wanted me to move in with him. Shortly before the break up, he also asked me multiple times to move to his home country, Canada, after graduation. I always said that it depended if I got any offers in the USA.

[melancholy123]

I too think you should make the trip yourself and not go with him. Too much drama and baggage. Do you have a girlfriend who can go wit you?

[gbgaia]

I too think you should make the trip yourself and not go with him. Too much drama and baggage. Do you have a girlfriend who can go wit you?

 

Unfortunately not.

[yatsue]

It is pretty clear that if you share a hotel room together with him, you will both end up having sex (even if now you say you won't). Then he'll move on with his life after a good lay and still bang the other chick. You will get hurt more. If you are prepared for this, well I guess there isn't much more to say....after all, he knows how to get women into bed quickly...

[gbgaia]

It is pretty clear that if you share a hotel room together with him, you will both end up having sex (even if now you say you won't). Then he'll move on with his life after a good lay and still bang the other chick. You will get hurt more. If you are prepared for this, well I guess there isn't much more to say....after all, he knows how to get women into bed quickly...

 

I appreciate your honesty and the punch line is on point

[Ms Darcy]

It is pretty clear that if you share a hotel room together with him, you will both end up having sex (even if now you say you won't). Then he'll move on with his life after a good lay and still bang the other chick. You will get hurt more. If you are prepared for this, well I guess there isn't much more to say....after all, he knows how to get women into bed quickly...

 

I agree that's what it looks like.

[Gabinete]

I feel you are better off without this person.

[jujusamples]

Why are you doing this to yourself? You are torturing yourself by going on this trip with him! Forget about destiny or whatever false hope you have, he broke up with you. He's now with someone else. Leave it as that!

 

You need to go no contact and focus on healing from the break up. You are obviously still very emotional about the breakup, you need time away from him to heal. Go on the trip by yourself and I hope you nail the interview. Best of luck!

[Wiseman2]

It still is and that included the typical future talk to get in your pants. Whose idea is it to share a ride/hotel room? all time favorite conversation topic is how to flirt with girls and get them in bed quickly.

[gbgaia]

It still is and that included the typical future talk to get in your pants. Whose idea is it to share a ride/hotel room?

 

His idea.

 

By the way, he thinks that I am totally unaware of the other girl he hooked up with.

[Wiseman2]

If casual sex and fwb are ok with you that's fine. But what if you don't get the job and he goes back to this girl after you hookup?.

he thinks that I am totally unaware of the other girl he hooked up with.

[boltnrun]

I can totally picture him "hooking up" with this other girl, then getting into bed with you later on that same night.

 

Or at least, that may be what he's planning.

 

Super ick.

[gbgaia]

If casual sex and fwb are ok with you that's fine. But what if you don't get the job and he goes back to this girl after you hookup?.

 

Maybe I still idealize him, but I don't think that he would try and hook up with me if he's seeing this girl consistently (and didn't just have a one night stand). I don't see sharing the hotel room as necessarily wanting to hookup... NYC is very expensive, it can be just a way to spilt the cost.

[gbgaia]

I can totally picture him "hooking up" with this other girl, then getting into bed with you later on that same night.

 

Sorry but I really can't picture him doing that... maybe I'm delusional, but I feel like if he is consistently seeing this girl (I don't know) he wouldn't even try to touch me, out of respect for her.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like you are hoping to reconcile.

coincidence wants that we both have interviews on Friday, at different companies but their offices are basically next to each other (destiny is funny sometimes).

[boltnrun]

Sorry but I really can't picture him doing that... maybe I'm delusional, but I feel like if he is consistently seeing this girl (I don't know) he wouldn't even try to touch me, out of respect for her.

 

"By the way, he thinks that I am totally unaware of the other girl he hooked up with."

 

Yep, sounds like a stand up guy all right.

 

You're not being "delusional", but you are definitely in denial.

[gbgaia]

It sounds like you are hoping to reconcile.

 

Emotionally... yeah. I miss him a lot and I would like to be with him. Also, I'm in Rochester (NY)... not exactly a lively place full of distractions, so it's been really hard to get him out of my mind.

 

Rationally, I know that's not gonna happen, and it wouldn't be good for me either. 1) he chose to break up with me 2) he has been with another girl 3) in a month and a half we are probably gonna be in different cities.