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NC of 3 weeks with my ex

Reneem9

By Reneem9
in Getting Back Together

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Reneem9 Newbie

Reneem9

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We broke up over 3 months ago, it's a long distance relationship. We've been planning on meeting in May but I'm not sure if he even wants to see me anymore honestly. He told me about a month ago now that he doesn't plan on getting back together and that that's his answer. But he told me about 2 weeks before that, "we'll see what happens when we meet" I was supposed to see him in March but decided not to go since I had other things going on. Well we didn't talk for 5 days on the 5th day I called asking him what's going on why haven't you talked to me? And he said he was to live his life and doesn't want a relationship. (He changes his mind constantly) so he told me that about a month ago, since then we talked like twice. Last time we talked we left it on bad terms I texted him the day before bc he was online on fb and he didn't text till the next day saying he was sleeping and I said no, you were awake on fb. He said okay whatever Renee, bye. I haven't heard from him since then. We've never gone this long without talking. I was planning on ignoring him for 2 weeks but he hasn't even reached out to me at all. I wanna get back together with him but he's never gone this long without contacting me so idk what to do. I texted him a few days ago at 12am saying are you awake and heard nothing back from him. What do I do? I want to text him and ask him if we're still meeting next month but I feel like I should wait for him to text me first. Please help!!!

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kalikat Collaborator

kalikat

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ABSOLUTELY DO NOT TEXT HIM....

By not calling you, not texting you, he has already given you the answer to your question. Shake it off. Find some activity that you enjoy - that will distract you. And when you feel that urge to text him, write in a journal instead. Or in this forum. You cant have a relationship with someone that doesn't want to have one. And, yes, this is probably very painful for you. But believe me, if you keep grasping at him it can (and will) get much worse.

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Reneem9 Newbie

Reneem9

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ABSOLUTELY DO NOT TEXT HIM....

By not calling you, not texting you, he has already given you the answer to your question. Shake it off. Find some activity that you enjoy - that will distract you. And when you feel that urge to text him, write in a journal instead. Or in this forum. You cant have a relationship with someone that doesn't want to have one. And, yes, this is probably very painful for you. But believe me, if you keep grasping at him it can (and will) get much worse.

 

Forgot to mention that I talked to his mom and she told me that she talked to him about seeing me and he said "yeah I guess". But I haven't heard from him and that was about a week ago, but I wanna ask him for myself if he wants to see me. We've been planning this for months now, it sucks to not go through with it but then again I don't wanna force him to wanna see me either.

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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How long have you been talking? Unfortunately it sounds like he's catfishing or hiding something like being married or isn't who or what he says he is. That's why he doesn't really want to meet.

 

How far apart are you and what excuses did he give you that can't he meet? It sounds like you are being strung along. Go no contact and delete and block him. He/she/it doesn't want any more contact.

 

Focus on getting on some dating apps and talking to and meeting local real people in person.

We've been planning on meeting in May. he said he was to live his life and doesn't want a relationship. I texted him a few days ago at 12am saying are you awake and heard nothing back from him.
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Reneem9 Newbie

Reneem9

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No he's not catfishing me lol and deff not married. I was supposed to meet him in march for spring break but I decided not to. He never said he didn't want to meet it's just the fact that I haven't heard from him in 3 weeks. I'm not sure if he does still wanna see me next month. That's why I wanna text first and ask him, when his mom asked him about it he said yeah I guess. But to me that means he doesn't really wanna see me. I was trying to wait to see if he'd ask me about it himself but haven't heard anything from him. So I'm not sure what to do at this point. And if I do go meet him, will it change anything with us? And will he reconsider getting back together? He told his mom seeing me won't change anything. But how would he know that if we've never met in person? Also been talking since July.

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No1 Experienced

No1

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Rene, I'm going to clear some issues up for you okay, You might not like what you hear, but Ive been thru this road and been on BOTH sides of this. I'm going to give you a bit of honest here too.

You two were never together. In fact you never held his hand, so how can you two be in a "relationship"? Sure you can say I wont date anyone else, but why would you do that? So there is nothing about getting back because you two never were.

How many times were you supposed to see him and plans fell thru. How many times were school, or work, or money, or family or time was the issue or excuse that he couldn't see you? Fact is, if he wanted to see you, he would of done it by now. He would of moved mountains, made time and cleared his schedule to make time for you. You two have yet to meet, only have had plans

Most likely you are not the only one he is doing this to.

 

You are going to disagree with me on this one because you are going to say "I love him". You are in love with an idea. You took everything you wanted to hear and he said it. You feel that its real, you share feelings, you talk all the time, you two have a connection but yet you cant tell anyone how it feels to hold his hand, what he smells like, to run your fingers thru his hair or how he kisses. You don't know if he had bad breath, or if he smells or how it feels to cuddle. You imagine it, but you cant tell me what it feels.

 

Ideas are powerful, but until he comes to see you, its just a fantasy. He has told you several times that he doesn't want a relationship, he has not come to see you and now he disappeared, is that the sign of a guy who wants to be in a relationship with you? Oh btw, even if he was in the same city as you (and I know you two have both imagined that) he would of still be difficult to reach.

 

Let him go. Stop talking to his mom, stop reaching out to him. He will reach out to you but unless he says, I am on my way to your front door, then you have nothing but a fantasy. You are a beautiful girl, very passionate, romantic and there is a guy near you who will love to meet you.

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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Was he looking for a spring break hookup and when that didn't pan out he faded? Why do you talk to his mom? How old is he? He doesn't sounds too interested or serious about this.

 

Also it's not smart to hookup with long distance strangers on spring break. You should be talking to Your mother, not his.

I was supposed to meet him in march for spring break but I decided not to. I'm not sure if he does still wanna see me next month. when his mom asked him about it he said yeah I guess.
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Reneem9 Newbie

Reneem9

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Rene, I'm going to clear some issues up for you okay, You might not like what you hear, but Ive been thru this road and been on BOTH sides of this. I'm going to give you a bit of honest here too.

You two were never together. In fact you never held his hand, so how can you two be in a "relationship"? Sure you can say I wont date anyone else, but why would you do that? So there is nothing about getting back because you two never were.

How many times were you supposed to see him and plans fell thru. How many times were school, or work, or money, or family or time was the issue or excuse that he couldn't see you? Fact is, if he wanted to see you, he would of done it by now. He would of moved mountains, made time and cleared his schedule to make time for you. You two have yet to meet, only have had plans

Most likely you are not the only one he is doing this to.

 

You are going to disagree with me on this one because you are going to say "I love him". You are in love with an idea. You took everything you wanted to hear and he said it. You feel that its real, you share feelings, you talk all the time, you two have a connection but yet you cant tell anyone how it feels to hold his hand, what he smells like, to run your fingers thru his hair or how he kisses. You don't know if he had bad breath, or if he smells or how it feels to cuddle. You imagine it, but you cant tell me what it feels.

 

Ideas are powerful, but until he comes to see you, its just a fantasy. He has told you several times that he doesn't want a relationship, he has not come to see you and now he disappeared, is that the sign of a guy who wants to be in a relationship with you? Oh btw, even if he was in the same city as you (and I know you two have both imagined that) he would of still be difficult to reach.

 

Let him go. Stop talking to his mom, stop reaching out to him. He will reach out to you but unless he says, I am on my way to your front door, then you have nothing but a fantasy. You are a beautiful girl, very passionate, romantic and there is a guy near you who will love to meet you.

 

No it wasn't multiple times we were supposed to see him, in the one that canceled bc I had school stuff going on. I texted him today asking if he still wants to meet so I guess we'll just see what happens

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katrina1980 Grand Master

katrina1980

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What do you do? Nothing. Let it go and move on. He is apathetic and dismissive toward you, if not downright rude, told you he doesn't want a relationship, what more do you need to tell you he is not interested in you, not interested in meeting you, why do you hang on to this non-relationship? Are there not local men you could meet, I don't get it.

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katrina1980 Grand Master

katrina1980

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He never told me we're not meeting that's why I've confused. But I texted him today so guess we'll see what he says

 

There is nothing to be confused about. What he told you is worse than him not telling you if you meeting. He told he wants to live his life (without you) and does not want a relationship with you. Again, what more do you need to understand that this game is over? I mean mo disrespect, but you are behaving very foolishly here, continuing to text, asking, practically begging him to tell you if your meeting. Again, no disrespect but get yourself together and move the H on.

 

We broke up over 3 months ago.

 

Well we didn't talk for 5 days on the 5th day I called asking him what's going on why haven't you talked to me? And he said he was to live his life and doesn't want a relationship.

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Reneem9 Newbie

Reneem9

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Only time I've asked about it was today I've only texted him about it once I'm not begging him to do anything. I just wanna know a yes or no answer. His sister keeps texting me too and it's getting annoying bc I'm not even hearing from him.

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katrina1980 Grand Master

katrina1980

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Only time I've asked about it was today I've only texted him about it once I'm not begging him to do anything. I just wanna know a yes or no answer. His sister keeps texting me too and it's getting annoying bc I'm not even hearing from him.

 

Ok but you did not answer my question asking why are you hanging on to this? He already told you he wants to live his life and does not want a relationship. So what are you hoping to get out of this even if you do meet? Which from everything you said seems very unlikely. What story are you telling yourself that makes this and his dismissive behavior okay with you? Would you not rather be with a guy who does a want a relationship with you, who doesn't act dismissive and rude and doesn't make you jump thru hoops before telling you if he wants to meet you or not? SMH

 

Loving him is no excuse for putting up with this nonsense. Love should be reciprocal and if it's not you move on.

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No1 Experienced

No1

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Have you thought of what happens next?

If he said its over (which he has said before) are you going to accept that? What if he makes you happy and says its not over, then what? You know that he really doesn't want to be with you, but you keep calling his family and you are probably annoying them. They are asking him why did you ever give this teenager their number? So for him to get you to stop calling, he could say that you two are back together, but then what changes?

He still wont come see you, you wont go see him. He is not moving to you, and you probably don't have any money to go and move to be closer to him. Things will stay exactly the same, but its going to be harder on you because you two are 'back together' so your anxiety will continue to rise because he is not talking to you. Eventually he will tell you that its over and the cycle will continue again. I don't see this ending in a good way for you. Just know if you continue to call him, text him, all you are doing is annoying him to the point that he will say anything to get you to stop. Eventually he will get angry and be passive aggressive. And you will wonder why he is doing this.

Your path to true happiness is not thru him. Its just not. He was never yours and mostly likely he has a GF. Before you say he doesn't, look at the facts.. 1. you two broke up 2. He disappeared 3. He doesn't return texts as he once did. 4. He is not available to you. 5. He told you he doesn't want to be with you. 6. He is too busy to devote any time for you. Those are pretty good indicators that some other girl is taking his time. If a guy wants to be with you, he would stop and nothing to do so. But he hasn't..

Your path to happiness is for you to walk away and find someone in your home town.

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