Getting back together, what are my chances

[Confusedjj]

My ex and I broke up last Thursday. He said he wanted 7 days of space and I respected that. He felt as if it was right to break up because he wanted to see what was out there for him in terms of his future. He said he couldn't see my in his future, couldn't see us married and having kids (we are 22 and 21) which is a thought that has never crossed my mind.

 

2 days after the break up he approached me and told me that after seeing me out with our group of friends he just wanted me back in his life. He asked to see me the following day and we hung out and it accidentally turned into sleeping together. We saw each other everyday since then including last night at a birthday party we had. Throughout the week, it changed from purely just sex to being back to dating. We were going to class and work together, we were hanging out together a lot and he started to tell me he missed me and that he loved me. He gets very emotional about us and I can see that but he also has the ability to shut off and not be affectionate.

 

Last night we were incredibly drunk and I went back to his to talk. It was very emotional and he said that he did love me, more than anything. He said he wanted to get back with me but it's not what he truly wants. He says he wants to be single but also wants to remain friends due to being in the same friendship circle.

 

We still message a lot but he sounds adamant on not getting back with me. He hasn't just told me once, he's told me many time and he said that he knows I want to be back with him. He truly wants that too but it's not right for him at the moment. He doesn't want anything long term. I'm not quite sure what to do, we want to remain best friends but I just want him as my boyfriend. Any advice? I know I have hope and he will always be in my life.

[kbbcoop77]

He wants sex but not a relationship ..pretty common. Up to you if that's acceptable

[Confusedjj]

I agree but he also wants to remain best friends. He admitted himself that sex was not just sex with me. There's a clear emotional tie. We are in the same friendship group and we hang out all the time which means I'll be seeing him a lot. Not sure how to get him back... a lot of people just tell me to give him space, but in turn, it's him that comes back around.

 

There's no way of changing his mind is there?

[kbbcoop77]

Well you need to not make yourself so accessible to him. There's no challenge for him if you sleep with him and accept the fwb situation. You need to set boundaries, have some self respect. If you're confortable around him with your friends group then remain friends and that's all. If you're hurting and crying over him you need to cut him off completely until you're over him. That'll happen with zero contact. He may come back or he may not. You need to live your life for you, don't rely on someone else to make you complete or happy. That's a big mistake.

[catfeeder]

There's no way I'd be FWB--ever--or 'best friends' right now. I'd fall off of his radar other than being civil when your paths cross in public. Give him the gift of missing you.

 

This is about your own healing as much as it is to let him learn what his life will be like without you in it.

 

Also, did he say exactly WHY he didn't see a future with you?

[AQuietHope]

I really hate to just put this in a random thread but elements of your situation kind of remind me of mine.... Only I think my ex might be going about it in a more mind-game-y way but I really don't know..... He still follows me on Spotify and has my playlist downloaded and says hi when he sees me, and a few weeks ago he started following someone on Spotify who used my exact gamertag which he knew very well, and it wasn't even a account with music he liked and it obviously wasn't me, but he does know me very well and would probably know that if I saw that I would read into it. But at the same time, he hasn't really tried to contact me. I'm wondering if he's trying to get me to contact him first which I can't do, I deleted all his information and I would delete him on Spotify but they don't let you block people which sucks, because the music habits of someone can tell you everything.

 

My thread is titled "I'm so Confused and I don't know if I'm Imagining it" (sums up my feelings really well but isn't very searchable), and once again, I'm sorry to post a request here, I'm just really desperate for advice.

[boltnrun]

Well, he's not going to tell you "I just want to be able to keep having commitment free sex with you"! Of course he'll say there's more to it so you'll keep agreeing to sleep with him.

[Wiseman2]

Shut down this confusion by not "accidentally turned into sleeping together".

M He said he wanted to get back with me but it's not what he truly wants. He says he wants to be single but also wants to remain friends due to being in the same friendship circle.