Traveling without girlfriend?

[b3st0fth30rst]

I’m 29 she is a 31 year old single mom. Unfortunately she can’t travel outside of the country right now. We’ve been together 15 months.

2 months ago my best friend invited us on a all inclusive 4 day cruise with his gf, and another couple. Since it was a couples trip and she can’t go, nor would i want to be the 5th wheel, I told him we can’t make it. No big deal.

1 week ago, he and his gf broke up, so he asked me if i want to take his EX’s place. I told him i’ll let him know. I’ve been on a cruise, at least once, every year for the last 7 years, except last year, since my gf couldn't travel, her and i went to NY and NC instead.

I'm probably going to end up going on the cruise because i haven't done anything this year so far, so a mini vacation would be nice. I know, my gf is definitely going to be mad. I can’t help but feel a little guilty about going though, but should i really be?

 

I’m also planning a guys trip this year with my friends. We do this every year, for the last 5 years. I didn’t go last year because the planning just didn’t work out for everyone and some had financial issues.

I told my GF before we made it official a year ago that every year i go on a trip with the guys. She brushed it off at the time (either thinking i wasn't serious, or that she would be able to say no to me) and when i told her we might go to Colombia last year, she got upset, told me i couldn’t go (Not that she would have really stopped me if it were to happen). Unfortunately, we didn’t have a guys trip last year due to the reasons i stated above, so i didn’t bother to make an argument out of the “You can’t go comment”.

This year, there will be a guys trip for sure. We haven't decided where or when just yet. Probably Costa Rica. Once it's settled i'll let her know. i imagine she'll be upset like last year.

 

As far as our relationship dynamic goes, i do love and care about her and i feel it is reciprocated. However, she has insecurities and thus, tends to err on the side of not trusting me. And no, i haven't given her a single reason since we've been together to not trust me. Not one. She literally said to me yesterday "One thing I have to admit. You are very good to me like "respectful as a boyfriend" at least so far,But the day I find something u will be done". Who says this to their partner?

I have to say, other than this, we are great together. Until it's time to do something without her, like go to a bar with the guys for drink maybe once a month (i dont think we even do it that often). She gives the whole "Its ok. I dont care if you go, im fine speech" but i can tell it isn't sincere. Next day...who'd you go with? Were there girls? I go have female friends, but i dont invite them out simply because i just don't want to have an argument about it. I feel like women, at least for the ones i've dated, can't ever understand their man having a female friend they dont want to sleep with. I ask them, don't you have male friends that you dont want to sleep with? the answer is usually "it's not the same" or something similar. Yes...it's exactly the same lol. And when i've been out with my friends in the past together, male and females, the gf usually asks "Well so and so is a girl, why can't i come? I thought it was 'Guys' night out?" "Guy night" is more like friends night, more specifically, we go, drink, catch up, and talk WITHOUT our SOs. It's just not the same when your SO is around. Friends are less likely to open up about issues they may be having if some elses SO is there who they might not really know well or feel comfortable around enough to talk about personal issues.

 

My philosophy is...If im in a relationship, i'm not going to spend my time and effort to monitor and/or try to restrict a person, looking for clues of possible infidelity, telling them where they can and can't go and who they can or can't hangout with (within reason of course. no late night parties with your ex every weekend). Unless the places you're going and the people you're hanging out with, are a negative influence and could lead to negative outcomes, then i'm fine if you want to go without me or you just want some time with your friends. If someone is going to cheat, they will do it no matter how many places i say they can't go, or who they can't hang with. So why bother trying to restrict someone? Hell...i was cheated on twice by the same girl and we lived together.

Now, if your choosing to do things without me, or choosing to hangout with you friends all the time over me, then thats a problem. I'm in a relationship to spend the majority of my time with you, and if that's not happening, then why are we together.

 

Man, this turned into a much longer post than originally intended.

I guess i’m just trying to see what others would do or say about the cruise/once a year guy trip?

Am i being unreasonable?

 

Anyway. Thanks for taking the time to read.

[j.man]

I would go on the cruise and dump her if she insisted on making a big stink about it. Sorry this doesn't appear to match the length or effort of your post, but it really is that simple.

 

But if you don't mind wearing a leash, feel free, I suppose.

[Wiseman2]

Why can't she travel? Mo passport? Kids? Immigration status? Go on the cruise and your other trip.

 

If it's s deal-breaker for her, you are not compatible. What's up with all her baggage and treating you like a parolee? can’t travel outside of the country. she got upset, told me i couldn’t go. she has insecurities and thus, tends to err on the side of not trusting me. Next day...who'd you go with? Were there girls?

[gebaird]

This issue seems a little bigger than the cruise. She seems insecure. You're free to do what you want, and she's free to do what she wants. That's ALWAYS the case. There may be consequences, of course, and that's something you'll want to consider when making your choice. If you go, maybe she'll be mad, maybe she'll dump you, or maybe the relationship will decline. If you don't go, though, I suspect you might feel some resentment towards her. In fact you already seem to be feeling resentful of her clingy ways. That's an issue you'll want to address, one way or another.

[Dahl]

Since it was a couples trip..

 

nor would i want to be the 5th wheel..

 

I told him we can’t make it.

 

No big deal.

 

I think that you are being incredibly sensitive and appropriately conscious of your relationship with this.

 

Overall, I agree with j.man, Wiseman and gebaird. Good luck!

[J Miracle]

I've been there. Are you making an effort to plan trips with her that counter balance the trips you have with the boys?

 

I think it's healthy to have a life outside of the SO, and also occasionally go on vacations without the SO. And you should encourage her to do the same.

 

But this particular woman sounds entirely too suspicious. Making it clear that "your done" IF she finds our about something you did? That sounds like an angry mother talking to her step son. I would seriously consider rather or not you want to live under that sort of scrutiny and threatening attitude.

[b3st0fth30rst]

Why can't she travel? Mo passport? Kids? Immigration status? Go on the cruise and your other trip.

 

If it's s deal-breaker for her, you are not compatible. What's up with all her baggage and treating you like a parolee?

 

No passport. Her current immigration status doesn't allow her to travel. i'm ok with this, because there are plenty of place in the US i've never been, would love to go, and have no objection to visiting with her (hence why we went to NY and NC last year).

I did tell her, before we made it official that it doesn't mean that while we are together, international travel is erased from my life. But, with the small fuss last year about Colombia, I think she totally dismissed what i said.

[JaggerJim]

I think your whipped. That's not good. If you want to go on the cruise go. Who is she to tell you NO?

[b3st0fth30rst]

Why can't she travel? Mo passport? Kids? Immigration status? Go on the cruise and your other trip.

 

If it's s deal-breaker for her, you are not compatible. What's up with all her baggage and treating you like a parolee?

 

I've been there. Are you making an effort to plan trips with her that counter balance the trips you have with the boys?

 

I think it's healthy to have a life outside of the SO, and also occasionally go on vacations without the SO. And you should encourage her to do the same.

 

But this particular woman sounds entirely too suspicious. Making it clear that "your done" IF she finds our about something you did? That sounds like an angry mother talking to her step son. I would seriously consider rather or not you want to live under that sort of scrutiny and threatening attitude.

 

Yes. We plan to take a trip this year together like we did last year. We haven't sat down and ironed out the details yet but it's definitely something we will be doing.

As for life outside the SO, i feel the same. i need my space sometimes. I don't inhibit her from doing anything with her friends. The problem i'm noticing, is she has little to no friends, nor the desire to do things with them. She mainly hangs out with her family and her mid twenties nieces. Shes close with her family.

[Wiseman2]

Is she looking for a green card or fiance residency? Maybe that's her tremendous fear you'll leave her, you're her ticket, right?

No passport. Her current immigration status doesn't allow her to travel. I did tell her, before we made it official that it doesn't mean that while we are together, international travel is erased from my life.

[JaggerJim]

Is she looking for a green card or fiance residency? Maybe that's her tremendous fear you'll leave her, you're her ticket, right?

 

Yes totally agree. She's lassoed you to the point that she wants to keep her eyes on you at all times.

[b3st0fth30rst]

Is she looking for a green card or fiance residency? Maybe that's her tremendous fear you'll leave her, you're her ticket, right?

Not sure thats 100% the motive, but is a possibility. I do know she had the chance to marry her daughter father, but decided not to go through with it.

 

Yes totally agree. She's lassoed you to the point that she wants to keep her eyes on you at all times.

This didn't work for the last girl i dated, won't work now.

 

Thanks every one.

All the comments confirmed what i was already thinking. Just wanted to see if there were any other opinions.

Anyway, cruise is booked and paid for. Coincidentally, it's the weekend right before my birthday. So what was a random couples cruise has now somewhat turned into my birthday cruise lol.