Help me. I am losing my mind to jealousy

[Atlantis]

Hi all,

I cannot deal with my insecurities. I am so jealous of my boyfriend and i am losing my mind over it. I been crying in the past three hrs because I cannot get over my insecurities and see my relationship ending because of it.

 

My boyfriend is 33. I am 25. He has a next door neighbor, and she is also 25. She is single and lives on her own. They have each other's keys. My bf gave his keys to her to let his dog out on the nights he works.

 

It has became their thing to go play bingo every Monday evening which is usually followed with a party or drinks afterwards. They don't go alone (to my knowledge) they go with other friends too, but she is the coordinator of this. My boyfriend goes because they text each other and she invites him.

 

I am beyond annoyed with this friendship. I never been with a man who had a woman friend that he actually went out and hang out with before.

 

I have been asking my boyfriend to not schedule himself for all three days of the weekend (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) for months, and at least give us one day every week a day off together but he never did. So we only had a day off together every other week. But he was very available every monday to go play bingo with this people.

 

I am in tears. I am so jealous. I cannot overcome the feeling to yell at him and leave him.

 

Please help me think right. I know i am not thinking clearly. Please

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like he needs more space in a relationship and is losing interest and trying to back out of things. You are not compatible.

[Matt3939]

What's better than bingo? Slingo!

 

I'd suggest something to get him more interested something that would use his mind and body with a bingo flair. How about naked sudoku?

 

Considering your other threads. I'd say this relationship is just to difficult and is causing you to much grief.

[KMO7970]

Why isn't he also inviting you to go along to bingo? Does this neighbor even know about you? I don't blame you for being upset. Even without the neighbor/bingo issue, this boyfriend should be making time for you, his girlfriend.

[jujusamples]

Now your last posts makes for sense to me. Have you tried talking to him calmly about it? I agree, why couldn't you come along to bingo? That way you get to meet the neighbor and she may not be what you think she is. I remember when I used to get jealous of my husband female friends. No matter how he explains it or try to reason with me, I just didn't get it. When I finally met them and got to know his friends, they are not how I pictured. I'm 100 percent okay with his female friends now. All it takes is to meet them.

 

On a side note; if this is what he has always been doing before dating you, than you can not stop him. Maybe it's his way to have down time. Time to himself to have fun with his friends. It's hard to understand it fully until you have a chat with him. Try to attend one of those bingo sessions, you maybe even enjoy it as well. You may not, but you get to see where he's coming from. It will put you at ease as well. Hope that helps.

[melancholy123]

I agree, you should be going to bingo with them to see what all the fuss is about.

[Boughtandpaidfor]

It's a perfectly valid reason to end the relationship, but not worth discussing. Because either something's going on, and your instincts are fine, or nothing's going on, and he doesn't care how inappropriate it is.

 

It is totally acceptable to feel jealous about this. Maybe there's nothing going on, but you're clearly not having your needs met.

 

Assuming you are not invited to bingo? That would make a difference I guess.

 

How would he cope if it was the other way around and you had a male friend like that?

 

And if this bingo girl was a guy, would it be still be bothering you that he's getting more quality time than you?

[jujusamples]

What's better than bingo? Slingo!

 

I'd suggest something to get him more interested something that would use his mind and body with a bingo flair. How about naked sudoku?

 

Considering your other threads. I'd say this relationship is just to difficult and is causing you to much grief.

 

LOL, Naked Sudoku? Oh you gave me a good laugh. It's awesome to put in some of these funny jokes when the OP is so tense about her situation. Hopefully she gets a good laugh out of it and ease off.

[boltnrun]

I don't think she can go to bingo because she is out of town for work.

[ParisPaulette]

In this case I don't if this is jealousy or your instincts telling you your boyfriend is more interested in spending time with the neighbor woman than scheduling time with you. And that's a problem right there. Have you ever met this woman or does he keep her separate from you? Or have you met her and got a funny feeling or looks that she wasn't happy about you being with him? Has he deliberately excluded you always from going with him on that Monday night bingo. Have you even been to his house? Ever been there when she's there?

 

I mean, if you're out of town and he's hanging out with her as a friend, well okay. But I don't have enough context to go on. My husband has a female friend, they do art shows together, but he made it a point early on to introduce us and she's probably more friendly with me now than him. There is nothing going on, but I'm assured of that because he's been upfront about it from the get-go and made sure to introduce me, as did I introduce him to my male friends.

 

Neither of us do date-like things with each other though or have the level of casual intertwining of lives like what you describe though. It would probably bother me unless I'd met the woman and got zero vibe of anything going on.

 

More concerning though is a) he doesn't sound willing to schedule time with you and b) he is scheduling time with another woman and c) you're upset and jealous and crying, which is not what a healthy sane relationship looks like. Without knowing more though I can't say if it's a serious problem and your intuition is trying to tell you something that you've legit observed for yourself or just you're insecure and he's pulled back, because you're upset at him about it.

 

Regardless, my own experience has been if I found myself constantly upset, unable to resolve issues in a relationship, and I found myself in tears too many times it only meant one thing - I was in the wrong relationship and wasn't compatible with the other person to begin with. And that's something you need to take a look at, a good long seriously hard look.

[ParisPaulette]

Never mind, I just looked at your last few posts about this guy. Why haven't you broken up with him yet? Why do you think it's on him to break up with you and not the other way around? Scratching my head on that one.

 

This partying with the neighbor is a new thing he started doing AFTER you two got together, which to me is not cool. Particularly an earlier post where he admitted he didn't know if other people would be there, just her.

 

I'm sorry, I'm changing my earlier stance. It sounds like he is losing interest anyways, you've been posting every week for weeks now about how unhappy you are, how you feel you have to walk on eggshells, and how disrespected he makes you feel.

 

So it's time to break up and heal and then find a relationship that's a better fit. Barring that pull wayyyyyy back as in go no contact, schedule activities with friends, enjoy your trip and time with others and exploring where you are. It's time to remind yourself that there is an entire life for you that doesn't revolve around him. You need to remind both yourself and him, by not being so available, of that.

 

But yeah, you can keep on with the crazy making, but really this is not a good sane normal relationship to be so unhappy. And you can't wave a magic wand and turn him into someone else, so really I'm only going to advise you leave. This is too much, and the relationship sounds like a horrible mismatch to begin with. I think you can do better, I guess the question is, do you?

[Atlantis]

Thanks every one of you that has replied. I went out and walked for a bit and now i feel better. My boyfriend and i work different shifts. He is on third and i been on first. So, it was very important for me to have him schedule himself off a day for me but he didnt and there is a resentment for that.

 

When i talk to him about it he seems like he would like to play with his schedule based on what would work for both of us but he hasnt done anything yet, so not sure if i can trust that.

 

He is actually a very loving bf. I met all his family, most of his close friends. I met this girl only once as we were walking to his apartment. But that was only a "hi how are you" question

 

He did finally invite me to go with them a the week i was going to leave for my business trip. So i found that amusing. And after my trip, i am going to be on second shift and will be working all weekday evenings, so i will never have a chance to go with them to bingo.

 

I do plan on meeting her somehow if my relationship continues though.

 

I love my boyfriend but then again things like this will eventually push me away or we will have a terrible fight and it will get messy. I know it. Maybe i will go see a counselor.

 

Again, thanks all. You all have very valid points

[spinderella]

I wouldn't be upset about them playing bingo with a larger group. He did invite you, it's not his fault you can't make it and I wouldn't expect him to not have activities for himself just because you can't make it.

 

But - the thing about not making time. That's a big deal to me. If he can't or won't make time for you what's the point.