adrianaaa217 Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 My boyfriend (22) and I (20) have been dating for almost 2 years now. Since the beginning of this year I haven't been feeling the way that this relationship is. I know I hear girls say this a lot, but he's completely stopped doing all the things that make us more than just friends - there is 0 romance. We don't embrace each others company anymore, he never says "I love you," he's not really there for me on a deeper level, he doesn't ask how my day is, he doesn't message me good night or good morning. When we're together sometimes he is just silent or on his phone. When he's done something to upset me he doesn't care that I'm upset he just says I'm annoying and that he's tired of hearing me complain about our relationship and that I can't change who he is.. Early January was his birthday, he went to a club with his friends and I found out that he had been flirting with other girls, offering to buy them drinks and he had asked them for their Instagram. I was extremely upset but after days of him apologizing and tells me that he was drunk and trying to "big up in front of his boys," I let it go.. He promised that nothing like this would happen ever again and that it was stupid and childish but he told me that it was the first and last time something like that would ever happen again. A few weeks later we got into another fight over some text messages I found on his phone with other girls, he got mad at me for invading his privacy and said that it was just business, we almost broke up but once again I decided to let it go... I feel like after all these fights we have had due to trust issues, he is now kind of fed up with me? Which is why when I've tried to address to him that he no longer makes me feel special or appreciated he gets mad and tells me that he's tired of hearing it. He also tells me that everything is in my head and that I need to stop making up problems that don't exist because our relationship is fine the way it is. He also says that he's always been an independent person and that I need to understand that I can't change who he is. I don't know what to do, I don't think I am asking for too much. I have let go of the past, I just want to feel appreciated and wanted by him again.But I also feel like he's wasting my time. But I'm also wondering if this is all in my head and I just need to accept the relationship for how it is because what if I just have unrealistic expectations. When we're together I feel empty, and when we're apart we barely speak, we don't text he doesn't call. We see each other maybe 3-4 times a week... Sorry if I was all over the place, I just really need advice. He used to be all over me, I never had to ask for his attention or his time or his effort, it all just happened naturally up until recently. Just yesterday I tried explaining to him how I feel and he replied with "I'm dealing with too many things and you expect me to put 100% focus on you. If I do that how am I supposed to focus on my personal stuff." I understand that he's "dealing with a lot" but would it kill him to put in a little effort?? This doesn't feel like a relationship to me. Link to comment
Pretzel Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 You don't sound happy. Maybe this relationship has run it's course, and it is time for you to let go and move on? He doesn't sound attentive to you and you seem more suited to someone more loving, romantic and attentive. And there are men who will make you feel special. He sounds like he's being a rubbish boyfriend to be honest. He says things are 'fine' as is, and that you shouldn't be making demands on him. I.e. He doesn't want to lift a finger to leave his comfort zone and make you happy when he hears that you are feeling insecure or unhappy. He is making zero effort. Is that the kind of guy you want to be with? And the stuff with the other girls sounds immature and silly. You shouldn't have to worry about that kind of thing in a happy relationship. You're so young and it may not feel like it now but you're missing out on other guys who you will meet along the way in life who you'll be more compatible with i'm sure. I don't know more beyond your post so that's what my advice is based on, just my 2 cents! Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Sorry to hear this. He sounds checked out of the relationship. It may be best to simply tell him it's not working and end it. Then you will be free to find a guy who is into you and on the same page. Link to comment
adrianaaa217 Posted March 20, 2017 Author Share Posted March 20, 2017 I have tried breaking up with him and it only lasts for a week then he comes back begging for me back... Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 So he only want you when you don't want him? I have tried breaking up with him and it only lasts for a week then he comes back begging for me back... Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 I have tried breaking up with him and it only lasts for a week then he comes back begging for me back... Then this is nothing more than a habit. Not to be confused with a romance. He begs for you to come back but nothing changes. So you agree to return on his terms. What is in this for you? Sounds like you have been through this enough that you now know the outcome. Believe you deserve better. You don't feel appreciated? Find someone who will appreciate you. Leave him deal with his `stuff' Link to comment
Pretzel Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Well next time he comes begging back tell him that you don't see him wanting to make any changes in the relationship and that lack of effort on his part doesn't work for you. Only be with him if he shows willingness to wanting to do things differently. Love alone is not enough. In fact, it can be unhelpful and cloud judgement sometimes. The question that you should ask when deciding to stay with someone isn't just: Do i love him? But am I happy when i am with him? Can we work through the unhappy patches? If the answer is no and if you are unhappy a lot, if you aren't hungry for it, then walk away. Link to comment
Jibralta Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 You sound unhappy. What is keeping you in this relationship? Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 It's time to break up, for good. He's not interested anymore, quite clearly. And in the past, he didn't ask for you back for the right reasons. If he were coming back because he's in love and doesn't want to lose you, you wouldn't be sitting here wondering if he even cares. You would know through his actions that he loves you and values you. Sounds like it's just become a habit for him but he's not actually invested. Let him go so you can find a guy who is enthusiastic about you. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 Another vote for "break up." I think you will both be happier in the long run. Break up and stay broken up. Block him so you don't have to deal with pleading emails and phone calls. You're really young and don't need to settle in an unhappy relationship. My coworker recently got engaged and she said what I seriously think was the most amazing thing about their relationship, "This relationship is so wonderful. I'm so happy. If I knew this is how it was going to be, I wouldn't have even bothered with those difficult relationships in the past." What she said is totally reassuring to me. I hope it is to you as well. Link to comment
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