I'm lost and confused

[Jadzia]

I can say with a lot of confidence that he is probably married. And his wife caught on that he was planning to fly across the country to meet his "other woman".

 

Something kind of similar actually happened at my workplace. A married couple works there and the husband told the wife that he was being sent across the country for training. Turns out he was actually meeting up with a woman he met THROUGH HIS WIFE who lived there. He ended up starting an affair, then leaving his wife for this other woman. Of course, the difference in this case is he DID leave his wife and the affair woman knew he was married.

 

It's really awful that this man took advantage of your good nature to hurt you this way. But lesson learned for the future...never allow a man to string you along for that long without meeting in person within the first week or two. For ANY reason.

Idk how people can be so selfish like this. I will definitely learn my lesson on this one

[Wiseman2]

No you've done nothing wrong. Everybody searches for love. He did something wrong by not being sincere in the end.

He bought the tickets for about $400 to see me beginning of next month. I saw proof. We had been planning this meet since Feb 4th this year. That is why I'm so confused by being blocked. Why he would pay this much and then block me. I haven't done anything wrong. I've always been caring not needy or drama.

[Jadzia]

No you've done nothing wrong. Everybody searches for love. He did something wrong by not being sincere in the end.

Thank you. I know I definitely did nothing wrong. I'm mad at myself for opening up so easily. I've always be an open book but this makes me change myself a bit. To be more cautious. Funny thing is I wasn't even looking for a relationship. I was content with being single until I met him.

[SherrySher]

Matt's right, I hope when you are feeling better and are happier you will update your profile pic so we can see your lovely smile. ((hugs)).

[Annia]

Thank you. He is on the other coast. 3 hour time difference. He was going to move to me due to it would be easier to move here.

I am not ready to date again. I can't even look at men or talk to another man with fear I'll start crying. Which would make me look crazy. I don't want that. I am just not myself anymore. I used to laugh and smile and all I do now is cry.

 

Maybe you need to heal first before dating again, but even while you heal (therapy?), it's good to have some hobbies and to regain your self worth again by doing some of the things Wiseman said.

 

As to what happened with this man I'm very sorry, but keep in mind that you never knew him. The internet and chatting all day might give you that illusion, but this is just someone that you never met. You could never know if he was a soulmate by talking to him online. Everyone can tell you they love you after only 3 months and promise you they'll move in with you and etc and it feels good, but remember that those are just non relevant promises until they actually come true. And if someone is saying all these things so soon and without even knowing you, take it as a redflag. And please remember, is actions have nothing to do with you. Maybe he's married, maybe he just wanted an online buddy to boost his ego and entertain during boredom periods, maybe he really meant what he said but freaked out, maybe an ex came into picture... we never know, we just know that he's not your soulmate or only chance at love, because if it were so he'd never done this to you. Also, no matter if it's an online fling or real life deal, a real man would have been honest with you, not a coward like he was. Forget about sending him anything or waiting for him at the airport.

 

Once again I'm very sorry. Keep strong.

[Jadzia]

Matt's right, I hope when you are feeling better and are happier you will update your profile pic so we can see your lovely smile. ((hugs)).

Thanks hun for the hugs. I will change it once I'm better.

[Jadzia]

Maybe you need to heal first before dating again, but even while you heal (therapy?), it's good to have some hobbies and to regain your self worth again by doing some of the things Wiseman said.

 

As to what happened with this man I'm very sorry, but keep in mind that you never knew him. The internet and chatting all day might give you that illusion, but this is just someone that you never met. You could never know if he was a soulmate by talking to him online. Everyone can tell you they love you after only 3 months and promise you they'll move in with you and etc and it feels good, but remember that those are just non relevant promises until they actually come true. And if someone is saying all these things so soon and without even knowing you, take it as a redflag. And please remember, is actions have nothing to do with you. Maybe he's married, maybe he just wanted an online buddy to boost his ego and entertain during boredom periods, maybe he really meant what he said but freaked out, maybe an ex came into picture... we never know, we just know that he's not your soulmate or only chance at love, because if it were so he'd never done this to you. Also, no matter if it's an online fling or real life deal, a real man would have been honest with you, not a coward like he was. Forget about sending him anything or waiting for him at the airport.

 

Once again I'm very sorry. Keep strong.

Thank you for your insight. I may do is find a support group to go to here local. I am a single mom of three so I can't afford therapy. I really don't feel he's married but it is a possibility an ex came back into the picture. I did feel he was genuine about caring for me but if ex came back that could have swayed him from wanting to be with me. It is possible. All in all not fair to me to not be told at least over the phone or video chat that he is breaking up for good. I haven't been eating much since. So I decided last night to join the gym. Get my frustration and sadness out that way. I'm not fat but could always use a good toning up. At least I'll be back healthier and working out does release the chemical in my body to feel better. I appreciate your comments. All of you.

[Annia]

It doesn't do no good wondering his motives, you will never know for sure and maybe he himself doesn't even know for sure why he did what he did. He might meant everything he said but something happened that made him back away. We'll never know. You deserve better, someone that takes the time to know you in person and that keeps his words and is honest with you.

 

I think the support group idea is great. It's also very good that you're going to the gym. It will help you a lot and make you healthier. And if you feel good physically that usually also translates to your mental part. It is also good to interact with people, like close friends or family, because it will give you a broader perspective that you're not alone. Realize that there is more fish in the sea, and much better fish than him. He was just an idealization, but in time you'll meet real people who can bring more and more lasting good things to your life. Also be careful with the internet. Not everyone online is bad, but before meeting face to face and getting to know them in person for a consistent amount of time it is always hard to access if they are good matches for us or not.

 

I think you are on the right path to recovery. You're a strong woman, and like you overcame so much in your life I'm sure you'll overcome this too.

 

Good luck!

[Jadzia]

It doesn't do no good wondering his motives, you will never know for sure and maybe he himself doesn't even know for sure why he did what he did. He might meant everything he said but something happened that made him back away. We'll never know. You deserve better, someone that takes the time to know you in person and that keeps his words and is honest with you.

 

I think the support group idea is great. It's also very good that you're going to the gym. It will help you a lot and make you healthier. And if you feel good physically that usually also translates to your mental part. It is also good to interact with people, like close friends or family, because it will give you a broader perspective that you're not alone. Realize that there is more fish in the sea, and much better fish than him. He was just an idealization, but in time you'll meet real people who can bring more and more lasting good things to your life. Also be careful with the internet. Not everyone online is bad, but before meeting face to face and getting to know them in person for a consistent amount of time it is always hard to access if they are good matches for us or not.

 

I think you are on the right path to recovery. You're a strong woman, and like you overcame so much in your life I'm sure you'll overcome this too.

 

Good luck!

Thank you so much. You're right. I'll never really know why. I will try my best to heal through this.

[Jadzia]

Update on my situation. I have really thought hard of the advice I received here and through a couple close friends. I had to put my final thoughts to rest. So I sent a long letter to him and letting him know how he hurt me. I will be deleting everything he has ever sent me. I did that and feels like a thousand pounds has lifted off me. I am not crying over him anymore. I am staying nc and not going to torture myself with the why's and what ifs. I'll never know why but I'm happier without him. Love should never hurt this much. So I am moving forward and I want to thank everyone here for helping me.