Met A Man Abroad...

[AwesPos1993]

So way back in August I met a guy whilst I was travelling (you might see in some of my previous points I was going through a really rocky period with my ex - we eventually broke up for good and it was definitely the right decision, I really wasn't happy with that relationship but that's a completely different story) I met a guy from New Zealand. We had a couple of weeks of a holiday romance - we got on super well, had amazing sex and generally I just felt like he was the sort of person I needed in a relationship. When it came time for me to go home we both discussed continuing things but agreed that given the distance (I live in Scotland) it really wasn't feasible. I tried to convince myself that I was okay with this decision.

 

Once I got home he was still travelling. We stayed in touch and he would often tell me he missed me and stuff. Speaking to him was the highlight of my day. We drifted apart for a little while but he messaged me on my birthday in November and we started speaking again regularly. I told him that I still liked him and missed him but was happy just being friends and he told me that he still felt the same way. Around Christmas I realised that I was completely lying to myself and that actually I really wanted something more from him. A few days before Christmas (he was back home in New Zealand by this time) I sent him a long message on Facebook telling him how I really felt and how I thought that we could possibly make things work. I never got a response from him and between Christmas and New Year he blocked myself and my friend who I had been travelling with when we met on all social media.

 

This was obviously over two months ago now and it has been over six months since we even saw each other but he is still on my mind a lot and I still miss him. I just feel like I never got any closure on the relationship and I'm really not sure how to move on. It's impeding my ability to move on and meet new people as I feel that I just continuously compare other people who I meet to him and the last couple of times I have slept with people (they have been one night stands) I have wished I was with him instead. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be the one to reach out to him as I don't want to "lose" but equally I don't know how else to move on after all this time?! Any advice? Thanks x

[SherrySher]

Wow, that's harsh, I'd think what he did would be enough for you to not ever want to speak to him again! He wasn't even decent or nice to you.

[holistic17]

Unfortunately it sounds like he wasn't in the same head space as you and clearly not looking to have a relationship. I feel like you need to get this in perspective. You only spent a couple of weeks together. You didnt even know him. You saw a tiny bit of the obvious fun side of him, but not who he truly is. I think you got caught up in the idea and fantasy of him. The reality of the situation is sadly what you are experiencing right now. Also, you should know that we rarely ever get closure. Our lessons are usually to learn not to be so reliant on someone that doesn't deserve our attention and focus it instead on working within ourselves. If you want a relationship with someone, I'd also recommend not jumping into bed with them so quickly. Let them want to get to know your mind before your body. This guy included. You gave him everything so quickly and lost your power to him. But blocking you was pretty harsh. I'd say that's the closure right there.

[JaggerJim]

I think he just wanted a holiday fling. Just let it go.

[Hollyj]

Wow, that's harsh, I'd think what he did would be enough for you to not ever want to speak to him again! He wasn't even decent or nice to you.

 

Yeah. He sounds like a jerk. Closure came from he blocked you. Pus, there was no relationship to gain closure from.

 

This was fantasy, and had no future. I think that you may consider some therapy, if you cannot move on from someone you had a two week fling with.