No contact help "PLEASE"

[Skiball2000]

I was being led on real bad by who would otherwise be considered a very wonderful girl. I want her to treat me like I'm actually important or let me go for good. I broke it off with her (expecting to get back together) 23 days ago, while trying a 60 day "No Contact Experiment." I have not contacted her in any way. I haven't even updated my status on Facebook. I cut off anything and everything. I have been monitoring her Facebook page once ever day or two. She seemed to be putting things there that would normally make me jealous, but I can see though it. Now she is posting memes about people deserting her and how the real people who care would still be part of your life. It seems that she is missing me. I want to contact her but, I'm only 23 days into the 60 day no contact. I'm desperate for advice. My mind says, Stick It Out, but my heart says, Stop Hurting Her And Send Her A Text Or Something.. please Help...!

[nutbrownhare]

Don't just do a 'No Contact Experiment' - ACTUALLY go NC. To do otherwise is playing games. So is breaking up with someone in the expectation that you'll get back together again. This sort of thing has a habit of backfiring.

 

Sadly, people will treat us the way they want to treat us - not necessarily how we want to be treated - and to realise this, and that we cannot control or change another person, is a huge lesson in life.

 

NC means you block her on Facebook and any other social media, and don't monitor her movements. You cannot be sure of her motivations behind what she puts on there, either, as you're likely to be influenced by wishful thinking and may be way, way out. Every time you check up on her, you are setting back your own healing. Who knows if you're hurting her? But you're certainly hurting YOU by following her.

 

Someone who's "leading you on real bad" is NOT a wonderful girl for you, no matter how marvellous she may be in other ways. Even if you do get back together again, the reasons for the breakup will still be there - except that now the trust will be broken as well.

 

So just carry on with your NC, take care of YOU, and surround yourself with people who care about you.

 

Good luck!

[Liraele]

Why'd you break up? Your post really doesn't give a reason.

 

Hate to break it to ya, but if you're monitoring her Facebook daily, you're not really in "no contact." You're just not in reciprocal contact. No contact also includes no checking social.

[Wiseman2]

Why did you break up? What do you mean by this: "I want her to treat me like I'm actually important or let me go for good"?

 

It's your choice to end it if she was uninterested or lame or not treating you well. "No contact" is not to get someone's attention or make them treat you better. Kind of silly to stalk her fb and not continue posting naturally on yours in an updated fashion, no?

 

Right now you are interpreting all sorts of fb stuff but has she bothered contacting you?

I broke it off with her trying a 60 day "No Contact Experiment." I have been monitoring her Facebook page once ever day or two. She seemed to be putting things there that would normally make me jealous, but I can see though it. It seems that she is missing me.

[vesper]

If you are really going NC, you would not be checking her facebook page. GO ON! You technically are day '0' of no contact so you might as well send her a text.

[radiance]

I have been monitoring her Facebook page once ever day or two.

 

I think this might be the problem...

[Keyman]

So, you were being led on by this so called wonderful girl. It must have felt pretty bad to want to go NC with her. When you decided on NC did you tell her or did you just do it? Has she tried to contact you at all during this time?

 

NC in my experience is used in two ways, to try to get over someone, or to try and manipulate someone into contacting you/getting back together/missing you etc. It sounds like you're trying the manipulative path and are happily stalking her on facebook to see how it's affecting her. Now you see she is apparently missing you, you want to contact her and probably end up just being led on by her again. I'm not even sure why you want this.

 

I know you want to be with her, and if you believe she has been leading you on, then there is an incompatibility there that may never be resolved. If that is the case, surely dating other women would be take her from your mind, allow you to possibly move on and even meet someone more compatible.

[Dahl]

I have been monitoring her Facebook page once ever day or two.

 

Why are you doing this?

 

Genuinely asking, not being sarcastic.

[Pretzel]

60 month of 'NC experiment' just to get someone to love you (I quote: "I want her to treat me like i am actually important") sounds an incredibly long-winded and exhausting way of getting what you want.

 

Short breaks can work (but SPARINGLY) if you have a mutually agreeable conversation by taking time apart to figure out what you both want from the relationship.

 

But simply going NC for TWO WHOLE MONTHS and monitoring her daily seems as if you are trying to achieve something that she is not aware of here....

 

It just doesn't sound very effective.

 

I would put yourself out of your misery instead of agonizing over what your next steps should be. Contact her and communicate your needs and see if she is open and willing to be with you. OR just let go yourself and live your life!

 

A healthy relationship should fundamentally be about supporting and being there for each other, not testing each other by prolonged absences.

[Wiseman2]

Agree. In that 60 day period he could be on dating apps finding girls who are a better fit rather than wasting time monitoring her fb.

But simply going NC for TWO WHOLE MONTHS and monitoring her daily seems as if you are trying to achieve something that she is not aware of here.... It just doesn't sound very effective.

[holistic17]

This is the most messed up and confused NC I've ever come across. NC means absolutely no means of receiving or giving information about that other person. Not just directly speaking to each other. You're treating and approaching NC like a game or test towards her. It's completely wrong.

1. You felt she was leading you on. That doesn't make her a wonderful girl. Fact.

2. You want her to make you feel important or let you go? Where's your own power and self respect?! Why do you need her to validate your worth? (Think hard about those questions)

3. You cut off anything and everything.....yet stalking her Facebook? Go figure.

4. You sound quite young in your approach. Sorry.

[reinventmyself]

This is the most messed up and confused NC I've ever come across. NC means absolutely no means of receiving or giving information about that other person. Not just directly speaking to each other. You're treating and approaching NC like a game or test towards her. It's completely wrong.

1. You felt she was leading you on. That doesn't make her a wonderful girl. Fact.

2. You want her to make you feel important or let you go? Where's your own power and self respect?! Why do you need her to validate your worth? (Think hard about those questions)

3. You cut off anything and everything.....yet stalking her Facebook? Go figure.

4. You sound quite young in your approach. Sorry.

 

In his defense there are several websites and books on `how to win your ex back' and the whole 60 day thing is actually someone's theory.

But you are right in all your advise. It's terrible advise for those who are in a desperate, vulnerable place.