Feeling overwhelmed by requests from friends and family

[question2015]

Recently, I've been feeling very overwhelmed by requests from friends and family for help. Just some background info, I'm 22, no kids, no significant other, not in school but I'm working and living on my own. I have a teenage sister and a younger sister around 5 years old. I do my best to help my mom and my aunt who also has two teenage boys by taking and picking up my sisters and cousins from school/sporting events/ extra cirricular activities/parties etc since none of them drive yet. My aunt and mom both work multiple jobs and are basically doing things without much support so I've never had an issue helping out.

 

Sadly though, last month my dad died in an apartment fire and it has been, as expected, tough on all of us. My dad would also help out with getting my cousins and sisters to and from things sometimes but now that he's gone, I've been asked to do more than usual. It wouldn't bother me so much but I'm ALWAYS being asked last minute or the day of...to go pick up or drop someone off some place. Even on my days off (I work 5-6 days a week), when I have things planned, I'll be asked to do something at the last second. I basically feel like a taxi cab at this point and it's beginning to get to me. I'm normally a calm person but I've noticed lately that my anger is easily triggered when I'm asked to do things last second. I haven't had a day to myself in the last two months (even before my dad died) because I'm constantly on the go. Either family is asking me to do something or friends want me to hang out or an organization I belong to is asking me come to an event. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting and if this is just part of life (being on the go all the time) or if I'm being reasonable in my frustration? I'd be greatful for any feedback. Thanks!

[melancholy123]

You need to learn to say NO! Tell them sorry, no, I cant help you at this time. You need to ask someone else.

 

Unless you stand up for yourself, this isn't going to change. It's called boundaries.

[gebaird]

Your frustration is completely reasonable and understandable. You haven't had time to yourself to grieve or process what's happened. (So sorry about your dad, love).

 

It's important to establish good boundaries, and to make time for self-care.

 

When you fly on an airplane, you are instructed to put on your own oxygen mask first. This allows you to then help others.

 

Figure out what recharges your batteries and make time for it.

[RainyCoast]

i'm so sorry for your loss. i think it's nowhere near reasonable to place such demands on you, especially at such a time.

 

please don't feel guilty declining. if you are comfortable picking them up twice a week, say so, and say what two days of the week and for what. if you are not comfortable doing anything at all, that is perfectly valid too, and you may say so.

 

i would suggest that they look for a volunteer.

 

again, my sincere condolences. let us know how else we can help.