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why do I still love someone who cheated?


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Hi, My first real long term gf (over 3 years) cheated on me out of the blue when she went out drinking, then dumped me a month later.. she claims it was because of the guilt after cheating. She always hated cheats and never was the type of girl to do it, I think it was because I wasn't making enough effort to make her happy. I can't stop blaming myself for it happening and I don't think I'll ever find someone as good as her again. I went through the typical pleading for her back stage and now we've been single for 2 months (3 since she cheated) and I just feel so hopeless. Any help or opinions are welcome please.

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This isn't your fault, it's hers. It does not matter what goes wrong in a relationship, cheating is never okay.

If she felt that you weren't making efforts, then all she needed to do was talk to you, work things out together...but she doesn't need to go sleep with someone!

You need to get your self respect back, stop blaming yourself, realise that there is something wrong with HER be glad that you're rid of a cheater. If she has it in her to cheat, she will most likely cheat on anyone she dates.

There are thousands of better women than her, you need to accept that it's over, see her for what she is (a cheater) and move past it, so you can find someone worthwhile.

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Cheating is her fault not yours. Just because someone cheats on you doesn't mean your love for them immediately disappears. That takes time...


As of now I'm sure you know the drill. Remember that she cheated on you and you need to not speak to her. She has no respect for you and didn't take your feelings into consideration when she committed that act.


Give yourself some time to grieve and heal and you will eventually be OK trust me.

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Cheating is her fault not yours..


say that aloud several times. Believe me, you need to continuous convince yourself that you had nothing to do with it. If she broke up with you BEFORE cheating that is much different.

People who cheat while in a relationship are narcissistic, end of story. You never want to be in a relationship with someone who is a narcissist.


Move on once you are finished grieving the relationship. Soon it will be just a distant memory. Be a great loving partner with the next girl.

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im 21, she's 20. Thank you for all your replies btw, i don't really have anyone to talk to so i thought i would try this forum.

i keep telling myself that i couldn't be with her even if i wanted to because i would be dependent on her to make me happy, not to mention paranoid and clingy. i dont want to be that guy who's gf has cheated.

The reason im struggling and reaching out is because this is the first time this has happened to me, and i cant help but think of her as that innocent girl who'd never do this. we went on an amazing holiday abroad in summer and had the Christmas holidays to look forward to, and she chose to end it, not me. i think i should be grateful of that because i probably wouldn't of been strong enough to end it myself.

its hard to process because so much has happened, maybe the reason i cant look at her as a horrible person is that i just can't accept the fact that it's happened.

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It's best not to put anyone on a pedestal or revolve your life or happiness around them. Always maintain your interests, friends work and school pursuits. Brush up your self image, clothes, hair etc. Then get a great profile and pics on some dating apps. Start messaging and meeting girls for coffee. Work on improving your social life and confidence, not winning back a cheater.

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[...]I think it was because I wasn't making enough effort to make her happy.


The thing is, in a good relationship you don't have to make any effort at all to make somebody happy, because it's your person which makes your girlfriend happy.

It's also your own happiness, things you do..Once you start putting any effort in making somebody happy it usually works just the opposite.


What If I told you that you don't actually love her but you're just attached to her? The thing is, you were together for 3 years, probably were in contact every day, spending time together, etc.. It's just your brain playing tricks and toying with you..And it's a normal thing believe or not! I've been through quite a few break-ups and I'd always end-up missing my girlfriend and crying like a baby but once I actually realised that getting those ex-girlfriends back wasn't really what I wanted. I was just attached to them so my brain would create this illusion of the girl being the only one and that I'd never find any girl like her..etc..It just an illusion!

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wiseman: i am trying to put my graduate work at the top of my priorities, its been hard with this breakup because i've lost a lot of motivation, but i am making slow progress. do you think id be ready to date or would it be better for me to wait? i really like what you said: "Work on improving your social life and confidence, not winning back a cheater."


jah123: i suppose rather than not making enough effort, i mean i shouldn't of made less and less effort (if that makes sense). One thing that has killed me is she asked me to stay over with her more towards the end and i kept saying i would but never really did, but i suppose she should of talked to me properly, not cheated. I think you are right about being attached, as i said, even if she wanted to get back i would just be so dependent on her to make me happy i wouldn't be happy. So you're right that i'm just suffering from the loss of a secure relationship and my emotions are just crying out for my ex, despite the fact she did what she did.

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