Iekika Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 I am quite a suspicious person.. not completely trusting after previous bad relationships, so I always look in depth or 'investigate' to see what people are truly like. I met a guy last March. I wasn't instantly attracted but he was a nice guy, and we could chat with ease. We continued to meet up, and the attraction started to grow. Our relationship became a 'dating/sexual' relationship after a few weeks. I was on contraception but had recently changed medication. Obviously it wasn't exclusive, so there were a couple of others for the next few months too. However, this guy was the one I spent the most time with. Dates ranged from a coffee date, a dinner date, walks on the beach, sometimes we just 'hooked up'. I got a shock in June when I discovered I was pregnant. My medication had conflicted with my contraception. I calculated that it was between this guy, and one other, and let them both know about the pregnancy assuming they would put two and two together. This guy however, laughed it off, and said 'it's a good job I had a vasectomy then' which I had never heard of until this news broke. Now.. assuming that this is true, you'd have thought that this guy would have took a step back but he said he was still 'going to be there' because 'you're a really nice girl'. Obviously 'dates' haven't been as romantic in nature as they once were but we still continued to stay in contact regularly since, we text almost everyday and he's been checking in on me and making sure the baby is okay. We have still had a couple of lunch/dinner dates and coffee dates, however no sexual contact since this arose (although he has sent some sexts and flirted quite a bit!). The last couple of months, he's turned increasingly more to talking about other 'dates' and girls that he 'likes' to me. He would tell me about a girl that he has met up with only a few weeks ago, and how well it's went and how he really likes her. The most recent one who he claims to have known for just a month or so has even apparently met his kid (he's separated from his wife and has limited visitation). Upon him saying this to me, I knew there was a likelihood this wasn't true. You don't gain supervised visitation just a couple of months ago and then the mother be okay with a child meeting a girlfriend of a few weeks. As much as he says he likes her, he jokes that he will probably to a runner and be on to 'the next one' soon. This is the third time in a couple of months that he has dated someone 'serious' and that it may become a relationship which I find strange for someone in their 30s to be in so many spontaneous relationships. I set up a dating profile to have a nosy, he is still on it and logs on frequently despite having this 'new girlfriend'. He also seems to text me quite a bit for having a 'girlfriend'. He doesn't mention her often to me, and our texts are just normal friendly chatter for the most part (bar a few flirty ones once in a while). To me, I don't believe that he has had all of these serious dates.. but why would he be lying about it? He has spent whole days with me, I've been invited round for coffee to his house, went out for lunch/dinner, even went on a day trip with him at the beginning of the month, although nothing sexual had obviously happened. Is he keeping me at arms length because he likes me and he's trying to gauge a reaction? Has the dynamic now changed where we are now 'friends' and he just feels comfortable talking to me about this? Did he lie about these relationships, and also this 'vasectomy' and is only keeping me in his life because of this 'baby'? (as I assume most men would run a mile!) Sooooooo confused! Link to comment
SherrySher Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 It sounds like he wants you as a friend and nothing more and is telling you about other women to press this point. Link to comment
j.man Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 but he said he was still 'going to be there'Like... in the room while you're giving birth? Or for emotional support? Don't know the context of whatever this conversation was. I agree with Sherry that he's just being friendly and isn't being subtle about that being it. What has the other guy said? Link to comment
Matt3939 Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Not to sound like a bad guy but I'd probably walk 5 miles and wish you luck with your new baby daddy. BTW where is the other guy? Link to comment
Iekika Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 He just meant as in be there for me, not the birth. He's made it very clear previously that he doesn't want any more children of his own. He has took an interest though, says he is buying him a shirt of the team he supports so he can wear it and how he will visit once he's born. The other guy has been notified and us sticking around to be a dad which is good. The doubts have come from the fact that on his dating profile he has put on wants children 'not sure' and has recently said things to me along the lines of 'if I ever have more children..' Which contradicts what he said to me months and months ago about the vasectomy and not wanting any more. I asked questions about this girl (her name etc in a jokey way) and from a bit of sneaky research, I knew her name, plus he's mentioned it before, but yet this time he gave a completely different name. Her child is about 8, yet he has told me her child is 3. Its just the tiny lies about these girls that bother me as if I was a friend I thought you could be open about the details. He also told me he was away for the night with a girl but upon driving home outside his house, he was in as his car was there. I don't know why hed lie as we weren't arranging to meet up or anything. Why the lies? Even if they are small? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Unfortunately he's married and still dates around and is on dating apps. It's nice he still sees you. Do you know who the father is? Is he paying child support? Clearly he's telling you about all these women he's dating and wants nothing with you except friends. I discovered I was pregnant.I calculated that it was between this guy, and one other, we text almost everyday and he's been checking in on me and making sure the baby is okay. The last couple of months, he's turned increasingly more to talking about other 'dates' and girls that he 'likes' to me. .he's separated from his wife. This is the third time in a couple of months that he has dated someone 'serious' and that it may become a relationship which I find strange for someone in their 30s to be in so many spontaneous relationships. Link to comment
Iekika Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 The child's father is fully involved and is paying child support and thankfully is a nice guy. He is. He's been separated now over a year and wasn't able to see his son due to custody issues until a couple of months ago. He probably isn't the type of guy that I should be seeking out seeing as he either 1. Lies about little things (where does that mean he stands on bigger things?!) Or 2. Actively dates around despite being serious with someone else which shows he may not be trusted. Just fell for him over these months. Obviously never said anything, or been on the dating scene as I am concentrating on my son. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Who is the father of your child? This other friend guy is married and dating a bunch of women. So they both think they are the father?The child's father is fully involved and is paying child support and thankfully is a nice guy Link to comment
Iekika Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 Who is the father of your child? This other friend guy is married and dating a bunch of women. So they both think they are the father? Well this one in question has told me he had a vasectomy so eliminated himself as the father. Another guy I dated at the time is, as him and this guy was the only people I was with at the time. As I trusted this guy told me the truth about his vasectomy, I let the other guy know. Now with the little white lies coming out I'm wondering if that is why this guy is keeping me so closely in his life, as personally I'd have expected any man who knew a child wasn't his, and was only a girl he dated for a few months to have just faded out and lost contact. His contact increased. Link to comment
Zippy2000 Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Talking about other girls he is interested in? Now to me that is just disprectful of your own feeling and obviousily is telling you indirectly he`s looking else where. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Who will pay child support? Get a dna test, since you don't trust the married and dating friend guy. Well this one in question has told me he had a vasectomy so eliminated himself as the father. Another guy I dated at the time is, As I trusted this guy told me the truth about his vasectomy, I let the other guy know. Link to comment
Iekika Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 Who will pay child support? Get a dna test, since you don't trust the married and dating friend guy. I have found it odd how he never mentioned until after I told him, and recently has spoken about 'if I ever had more children' scenarios, and has listed wants children as not sure on his dating profiles. Surely if you felt that strongly that you got a vasectomy at 30, you don't want any more children? I am just not entirely sure of why he lies about certain things such as other girls, if he is out on a date or not when he is clearly not etc. He once told me he was on a date that night, then I bumped into him in Tesco. I understand that he may just want to be 'friends' but I don't text my male friends about fake dates. I just wouldn't mention anything. I don't know whether he is trying to get a reaction or make me jealous, but it is starting to play with my emotions now which isn't fair when I am this vulnerable right now (well so I think). Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 So you think he's secretly madly in love with you and is on dating apps and tells you about other girls simply to make you jealous? Link to comment
Iekika Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 So you think he's secretly madly in love with you and is on dating apps and tells you about other girls simply to make you jealous? No, I think that he could be an egotistical man who needs attention or to feel wanted by a lot of women to boost his confidence/self esteem perhaps. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 The bottom line is you don't have sex and are just friends. He isn't celibate since you got pregnant. Why wouldn't he date other women?No, I think that he could be an egotistical man who needs attention or to feel wanted by a lot of women to boost his confidence/self esteem perhaps. Link to comment
Iekika Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 The bottom line is you don't have sex and are just friends. He isn't celebrate since you got pregnant. Why wouldn't he date other women? He just blurs the lines at times. I am okay with being friends. Its when you then get texts out of the blue that are sexual in nature (the last of which was only a couple of days ago) or he starts flirting, putting tons of kisses or sending hearts to you and that's when it starts messing with my head and my emotions. If it was strictly friendly texts that you would send any friend of yours then I wouldn't have this problem. I have other guy friends too. The difference is, the others don't text me every day, make references to their man hood, 'sext' me the odd time or tell me about their fake dating lives. He has asked to hook up a few times throughout my pregnancy but I turned him down as it felt odd to me to hook up with a guy that wasn't the dad while pregnant. I haven't dated much, so I was looking for perspective on why he is so caring and friendly and times like a friend, then other times he can shift and suddenly acts sexually interested. Then shifts again the odd time to making up lies or inflating his dating life. It just seems pointless to do this. Link to comment
j.man Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 So you think he's secretly madly in love with you and is on dating apps and tells you about other girls simply to make you jealous?Sounds concrete to me. Link to comment
spinderella Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 I don't see anything here to suggest you're more than friends... Which I wouldn't want to be. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Do you think he's keeping you in the loop for future hookups? He has asked to hook up a few times throughout my pregnancy but I turned him down as it felt odd to me to hook up with a guy that wasn't the dad while pregnant. Link to comment
Iekika Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 Do you think he's keeping you in the loop for future hookups? I admit that it could be a possibility. Not that I am going to have much time for hook ups with a wee one.. Lol! Link to comment
SoulTaker Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Who will pay child support? Get a dna test, since you don't trust the married and dating friend guy. I agree with Wiseman. Let's get the priorities straight. Get the "DNA" testing done first, and establish who the father is. Don't believe everything that you hear. Let's take this one step at a time. I do feel that your question will have more relevance, only after the first step is done. Come back to post after confirming who the father is. Link to comment
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