What is going on in his head and is it over for good

[Willowandme]

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 months, There is an age gap, me being 30 and him being 24. The relationship has been intense and passionate from the beginning with him telling me how much he's in love with me and sees a future etc. We live 3 hours from each other but made time for each other whenever we could. I have recently started a business with one of my male friends, when I last saw my boyfriend I told him that me and my business partner would be in the area where he lives but as I would be there for business it would not be appropriate for me to see him, he said that he was uncomfortable with me and my business partner going on business trips and feels that he has a thing for me, he then asked me to unlock my phone as he wanted to read the messages with my and my business partner, I refused and explained that he needs to trust in what I am saying to him and that nothing is going on, he was very persistent and became angry when I said no, after a while he calmed down and did not mention it again, looking back I am not sure if not giving in was the right thing to do as it would of put his mind at rest but I felt that if I did give in it would set a tone for him to feel he could go through my phone and I want him to trust me. When it came to us saying goodbye I reminded him I was on business next week, with that he got up, put his shoes on and walked out, I tried calling and texting and did not get a response for the rest of the day. The next day he messaged me to say he did not trust me and could not be with me anymore, I was heartbroken and pleaded with him but he ignored me. He messaged the next day asking how I was, I said I was not good an that I loved him, he told me to "check myself" I ignored this and told him I missed he, he responded with I hope so. Today he has messaged to say he hates me, he does not trust me and not to message him, when I told him it's all in his head an that I loved only him, he just said what's done is done. What is going on?

He is very stubborn and jealous which I knew from the start. I will not call or message him as I refuse to look needy, I have told him I will not beg and I have said everything I have to say, but I do not want it to be over. Do you think he just needs space and time to realise he has made a mistake or it is probably over

[angrythoughts]

I honestly would have just showed him the phone to prove that he was skeptical about nothing. There's no harm in showing him. It's not like he took it from you and went through it.. he asked you and refusing seems as though you're hiding something.

 

Leave it alone for now. Don't reach out. He's already expressed he doesn't want to hear from you at the moment.

[MickeyMoo]

Trust goes both ways, and you have to remember his age, it is easier to feel threatened when you are younger but as we get older and learn more about ourselves and the world we mature and only ask these questions if we see or hear something that makes us wonder.

 

Have you had a previous relationship with this business partner? or has it always just been friends and business?

If he has been in a romantic relationship you can understand and I think you have to humor him as I can totally understand why he would feel that way.

You both just have to talk about how you feel and why and come up with a solution that you are both happy with where you don't feel like he is watching your every move and he doesn't feel like you will cheat with him if you have to travel for work with your business partner.

[Clio]

He sounds insecure and immature and age is probably a factor in this case. He is being a 24 year old and it doesn't sound like he can handle some one who maturity-wise is ahead of him. A power struggle at two months indicates incompatibility to me.

[lostlove76]

If I were him, I would feel uncomfortable too. The thought of a boyfriend going on a business trip with a female friend would have me all kinds of worried, especially if he said he couldn't see me while in my area. He would rather break up than go through the worry and distrust of what might be happening between you and this friend on the trip. It also probably offended him and made him suspicious when you wouldn't show him your phone messages. Some people are more insecure than others, and I don't think you can really fault him for that. He doesn't really want it to be over, but he is being self-protective. Agreeing to be completely transparent about the trip, including those messages, might go a long way in helping him feel more secure.

[Willowandme]

I have never had a relationship with my business partner, it has always been friends and then business, my boyfriend knows my business partner but says he does not trust him because he knows people like him, not sure what he means by that but my business partner is married with children. My boyfriend has always been jealous when I talk to other men but it's my business partner he has a real issue with, when my boyfriend asked me for money I have given it to him plenty of times but when he last asked me for his friend and I said no, he said someone is poisioning my mind against him, meaning my business partner, I tried to explain I've said no because I've just started a company and need money for purchases but I think he is putting everything together in his head and has concluded I am not trust worthy and that me and my business partner are an item

[Willowandme]

If he could of taken the phone and gone through it he would of done, I have a passcode on it therefore had to ask me to unlock it, and I thought about showing him to ease his suspicions but I felt that if I do this then that sets a tone for the rest of the relationship. We are different cultures and culturally he is quite dominant hence why I try to talk to him instead of giving in to him

[lostlove76]

It may just not be a good match. You didn't include the part about him asking for money in your original post. That's a whole separate issue unrelated to this other, I think, but definitely not good that he's asking you for money - not only for himself but for a friend?? That right there is enough to drop this guy. When I gave my earlier response, it was with the assumption that he was just worried about a business trip with another male, and I see that as a perfectly reasonable worry. But asking for money, nuh-uh, don't ever give a guy money or you're just asking to be taken advantage of. A 24 year old male is still a kid, not much beyond teenage years. There are exceptions, but generally men mature much slower than women. So this may be an age thing, or a culture thing, but overall it just doesn't sound like a good match.

[KantSleep]

He takes money from you and messages that he hates you. I would back off this man. He sounds a bit unstable. He may be jealous of your business partner, which I get, but his response to all of this isn't good.

[Willowandme]

Me giving him money and him asking for money is a very long story, but cutting it short for the purposes of people thinking he just takes my money, he has paid the money he has taken from me back, his friend was in another country and needed money in an emergency, I said no to giving the money so my boyfriend managed to get it from someone else, he asked me first because I'm the closest person to him.

[charity]

He's being a child. If you get back together , it will happen again...guaranteed.

[My Profile]

you should have shown the phone.

and i may appear to be weak if i say but i think you should go visit him.shiw him the phone(hope u havent deleted)and if appropriate u can arrange a meeting(after discussing and offering ur boyfriend this proposition) with u,ur business partner and him.and talk things out.instead of suffering.u r suffering.he too is suffering.and ur budi ess partner unknowingly is a cause of misunderstandings.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry he's much too immature for you. Asking to see your phone shows no boundaries and no trust. Also the madly in love after dating 2 mos shows poor judgement and emotional immaturity.

 

He sounds like a 2 yr old mentally, throwing "I hate you mommy" tantrums etc.

 

Be glad he's gone and you had a nice fling for a while. Date men at your mental and emotional maturity level. Go no contact and delete and block him

The relationship has been intense and passionate from the beginning with him telling me how much he's in love with me and sees a future etc. he then asked me to unlock my phone as he wanted to read the messages with my and my business partner. Today he has messaged to say he hates me, he does not trust me and not to message him,

[Krankor]

I do think you should have shown him your phone. I completely understand your reasons for not, and they make sense, but you didn't do yourself any favors. You should have just showed him shut him up, and then afterward had a serious talk about trust and jealousy.

 

However, I agree with the others that this man doesn't have the emotional maturity to be in a relationship with a 30 year-old woman who is starting a business. He belongs with a 22 year-old drama queen who still lives with her parents so they can feed off each other's maturity levels.

 

Attraction and chemistry have to be backed up by compatibility for something to work out longterm. You may have the former in spades but you lack the latter and if you do get back together you'll end up making each other miserable and hating each other.

 

If he contacts you again tell him that he obviously lacks the maturity to handle a relationship with a grown woman.

[Wiseman2]

It seems the religious difference is not the only problem. He sounds immature, controlling and abusive.

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 months, There is an age gap, me being 30 and him being 24. he then asked me to unlock my phone as he wanted to read the messages with my and my business partner.The next day he messaged me to say he did not trust me and could not be with me anymore, I was heartbroken and pleaded with him but he ignored me. he has messaged to say he hates me, he does not trust me and not to message him, when I told him it's all in his head an that I loved only him, he just said what's done is done. What is going on?He is very stubborn and jealous which I knew from the start.