SunnyGirl17 Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 I have a male co-worker who keeps to himself a lot and seems kind of put off by people. Several months ago, he and I were matched on an online dating site. I thought this was a funny coincidence, so I decided to bring it up to him to break the ice. We had a nice conversation getting to know each other. I wouldn't say we were really flirting, just getting to know each other's backgrounds and our experiences with online dating. I thought I had broken the ice with him and we could be friends. WRONG!! The next day, he was ice cold to me and downright rude! He has been completely rude to me ever since this conversation. He has made it abundantly clear that he wants nothing to do with me. In fact, he will go out of his way to avoid any contact with me. But the weird thing is, I have caught him staring at me from across the room several times. This is driving me insane because I don't understand what I did wrong! Why does he hate me so much?! It's really hurtful because he is amiable to everyone else in the office except me. I don't have to interact with him much, but I do have to see him occasionally, and it's really awkward. I have tried to let this go and move on, but I can't. What did I do that was so wrong?? Link to comment
SeptemberSylv Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 Ha ha he's probably been on here and the told him to go 'No Contact'! To be honest, I don't know why people are so complicated these days. Which brings me to my next question, what are your feelings exactly? Do you actually like this man? Although your automatic answer would probably be a definite "no" why are you worried about him and about breaking the ice? I think you like this guy because you see him as a challenge, or is totally different to most guys, and has really caught your interest. He might be being rude because he doesn't want to lead you on: he thinks he's doing the right thing. He may even feel he isn't 'good enough' for you and needs to push you away. Link to comment
SeptemberSylv Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 Why don't you wear miniskirts when he is there and see how long he can pull away ; - ) Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 He may have been taken aback and embarrassed that you brought that up at work. If he wanted to contact you through the site, don't you think he would have? Why didn't you message him through the site? Why corner him at the workplace? It seems you were a bit too forward. Most likely he doesn't want to date coworkers and was a bit creeped out by you spotting his dating profile and bringing it up to him at work.I have a male co-worker who keeps to himself a lot. he and I were matched on an online dating site. I thought this was a funny coincidence, so I decided to bring it up to him to break the ice. Link to comment
JaggerJim Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 He may have been taken aback and embarrassed that you brought that up at work. If he wanted to contact you through the site, don't you think he would have? Why didn't you message him through the site? Why corner him at the workplace? It seems you were a bit too forward. Most likely he doesn't want to date coworkers and was a bit creeped out by you spotting his dating profile and bringing it up to him at work. I agree. I feel that he thinks you have tried to ambush him, and now he's fleed away from you, and is very wary of you now. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 You never, ever, EVER bring up seeing someone on a dating site. Ever. If anything, match with them and see if they reciprocate... then message digitally.... You put him on the spot. He had to figure out how to decipher if you're in to him or not and how to walk the delicate balance of a coworker blatantly flirting at work. Link to comment
SunnyGirl17 Posted February 12, 2017 Author Share Posted February 12, 2017 OK thanks everyone. I guess I didn't realize that bringing up the dating site was that big of a deal, but I guess it is to some people. I am a lot more open about it, and I generally wear my heart on my sleeve. Lesson learned for me! But that still doesn't excuse his rude behavior. I guess I will just have to avoid him now as much as he avoids me. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 I don't think it's necessarily rude. If I were him, I would distance myself from you if I weren't interested - I wouldn't want to get tangled in a workplace romance scandal unwittingly. He may be rude to try to communicate "I am not interested" Link to comment
BrokenGator Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 He seems like a weirdo. If I was in his situation, I'd still talking to you but make sure I don't send signals that I'm interested. Link to comment
mbee Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 Yeah I've been in your situation. Saw a cute coworker on a dating site. The only difference is I messaged him on the website and he didn't end up asking me out, so I took the hint and moved on. Never brought it up at work at all. Ironically 6 months after that happened, we ended up going to a lunch together and he made a move, but by then I was moving overseas. Funny how timing can work out. My point is that you probably shouldn't have brought it up at the office. It is a little embarrassing in that context. I had a different coworker mention he saw me on a dating site once but he told me during lunch and it was a fun, light-hearted out of the office conversation. His reaction is over the top though. I'd just ignore him for now, and he will probably go back to normal in a few weeks. At least now you know not to date him. To me this would be a dealbreaker if a guy reacted that way without you even knowing him. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 TBH, this is his personal business, not a topic for the work place. At any rate, you're there to work, and also keep in mind that many jobs have been lost due to dating co-workers. Link to comment
Someday_Soon Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 This happened to me before. Saw a coworker on a dating site and pretty sure she saw me too. We don't see each other at work often, but when we did see each other we never mentioned it. As an addendum, I have come to believe that people who wear their hearts on their sleeve typically do not understand those who are introverted or private, and vice versa. So there's that. All in all, the workplace can be a very touchy arena when it comes to opening up about dating. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 OK thanks everyone. I guess I didn't realize that bringing up the dating site was that big of a deal, but I guess it is to some people. I am a lot more open about it, and I generally wear my heart on my sleeve. Lesson learned for me! But that still doesn't excuse his rude behavior. I guess I will just have to avoid him now as much as he avoids me. Doesn't excuse your behaviour either. You want to be open with your life, that's fine. Don't be open with other people's lives. You can never go wrong erring on the side of discretion. He'll get over it, just be professional, and do what you're paid to do. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 I don't have to interact with him much, but I do have to see him occasionally, and it's really awkward. You don't have much interaction, and that's the good news--so stop driving yourself bonkers about him. I'd develop a convenient case of amnesia and forget you've ever spoken to him. A total stranger isn't important enough to work yourself up about. Just be professional and polite if you need to deal with him in business. Otherwise, be kind if your paths cross, and say hello as you would to any other stranger, and view his anti-social behavior as a reflection on him, not you. Head high. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 Agree. The workplace is for work not hitting on people. And...your behavior was rude first, he's just avoiding you because you clearly lack boundaries, he's not being "rude".Doesn't excuse your behaviour either. You want to be open with your life, that's fine. Don't be open with other people's lives. You can never go wrong erring on the side of discretion. He'll get over it, just be professional, and do what you're paid to do. Link to comment
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