My boyfriend says sex isn't varied enough for him

[Chocolate123]

My boyfriend told me that he's fed up of doing the same routine when we have sex and that it's not varied enough. He won't be the one to vary it he says I have to decide what I want to do and do it. I'm not confident enough to do that and I've told him that and then he tells me to forget it. But I know he's not happy with the situation and i can tell this when we're having sex. He's 27 and I'm 25. What should I do?

[pippy longstocking]

What should I do?

 

There are loads of things , role play ....as in dressing up , having imaginary people involved ( I didn't word that well ) , you could tie him down , gag him , blind fold him , slap him about a bit , then take advantage ..you could blow feckin unicorns out your ass as a starter ... you could do so much but without team work you will achieve nothing ....

He is selfish , he wants you , who is not very confident to suddenly do command performances while he sits back and gets his buzz .

 

The good thing I will say , is at least he is communicating !

 

So I suggest this ....you get together , bottle of wine or whatever ...and you both write down 10 sexual acts/positions/scenarios that turn you on , and take turns to pick out of the hat , so it is not left to you to do it all ....I don't imagine you will get through the 10 ..hopefully not , and then you leave them there until the next time and this way you will both be involved and both find out more about each other .

[leseine7]

He won't be the one to vary it he says I have to decide what I want to do and do it. I'm not confident enough to do that and I've told him that and then he tells me to forget it.

 

Dude, I'd be out of there. Sex is a big deal in a relationship, for me. It's a barometer for how things are between us on a primal, instinctual kind of level. If I am not happy with the guy in some way I may be shoving aside consciously, I can ALWAYS tell in sex; it's impossible to really let go and have fun. (That being said, I've definitely stayed in relationships too long because the sex was great. That's a different topic though).

 

This is something else entirely. He is complaining about your sex life which is, ultimately, going to kill your ability to "get it up" (sorry for the expression) for him, harming your confidence in general. It's one thing to approach your partner in a loving, mature way and be like "Yo, I think we can be freakier in bed, are up for trying some new things with me?" and going from there. What HE is doing is insulting your bed skills, telling you it's all on you, and then telling you to "forget it." That is someone who is incredibly selfish and generally does not care much about your feelings. Imagine if you turned it on him and were like "yeah, actually, you kind of suck in bed too, do something about that?"

 

It sets up a lot of issues going forward and the fact he's already shown this side of him would make me seriously question why I'm with him, if I were you.

[Andrina]

You need to form a spine and tell him he's just as responsible as you in making a daily effort to better your relationship. Show him the website for Cosmopolitan Magazine. It shows different positions. He can pick one, and then the next time, you pick one, or you decide together which one you both want to try. You can watch porn together and copy whatever move they are doing. Go to Askmen.com for instructions on various things you two can try. Although, he doesn't sound like a very nice person. Why are you with him?

[j.man]

Depending on the circumstances such as how often it's on him to initiate, how much of the work he's putting in (him on top), it could very well be a reasonable expectation that you be able to bring something to the table when it comes to sex. Exactly how unvaried is it? Are you two going at it missionary literally every time?

[IAmFCA]

I'm not confident enough to do that and I've told him that and then he tells me to forget it.

 

Your bf put you in a pass/fail position and you have internalized it, creating a fear of failure.

 

I believe he asked you to do this on your own because he is looking for something unknown, sonething a little dangerous, risky, scary. If he knows what is coming, it loses some of the fear factor.

 

If you have a curiosity, use this as an occasion to explore. If it is something in which you have an interest, try it. That is a win win for you. You like it, he likes it, everybody happy. You try it, and it flops or he hates it, who cares - at least you tried. Try it, he hates it, he leaves - painful, yes, but you will have successfully shook off a stupid guy who left for a stupid reason. Win - win.

 

Try something of interest to you. If you lose him over it you are still the winner.

[Matt3939]

He's either selfish or your wording could have been better. Maybe he's the one doing everything and you are just laying there going for the ride? I'm not saying this is the case just throwing it out there. I'm still interested about the above post unicorns? That's a move I've never seen not even in movies. Do they hit the wall? If so is it like playing darts? Is there a point system? Would this be considered animal cruelty? Are they trailed by rainbows? Do they stair like other pets? Do they disappear once the act is done or do I have to get expensive food for them? Do they crap icecream? If so is it biodegradable.

[j.man]

I'm still interested about the above post unicorns? That's a move I've never seen not even in movies. Do they hit the wall? If so is it like playing darts? Is there a point system? Would this be considered animal cruelty? Are they trailed by rainbows? Do they stair like other pets? Do they disappear once the act is done or do I have to get expensive food for them? Do they crap icecream? If so is it biodegradable.

I've been saying it for months. Matt3939 is the best poster on these forums.

[pippy longstocking]

I've been saying it for months. Matt3939 is the best poster on these forums.

 

I resent this hugely .....our future is in the balance ...^^^

 

matt you have asked me like 7 million questions there and it is mid afternoon marley time .

 

Op talk to us ... what are your thoughts ( on your concerns not unicorns)

[ParisPaulette]

Tell him you're not a trained monkey, this isn't a porn video, and if he's not happy, because he can't think of anything to do then there's the door.

 

Then go find a guy who doesn't do the whole, "It's your job honey to come up with what I'll like without me telling you." Good sex is a two-way street, what has he done for you lately? Does he even try in bed or is it all him getting his jollies and then rolling over to go to sleep?

 

If the answer is yes, then I'd say it's time for a new boyfriend. This one's an a##. I get trying to come up with new things, but that's got to be both partners doing it together to make each other happy. All I see there is a selfish, "Act like a porn star while I lay there."

 

Not cool.

 

Okay, all sarcasm to the side - look him in the eye and tell him it's gotten stale for you too. And that he also needs to come up with some new things that will make you happy in bed too. And if he can't do that he's not going to get anything else in turn and maybe you'd both be better off with other people.

 

In short, stand up for yourself.

[MissCanuck]

Tell him to invite his hot friend to join you next time.

[intheferns]

Sorry, he doesn't get to drop that load on you then run away. If he wants to spice up your sex then he needs to participate in building the recipe. As described, he's critcal and hurtful and demanding that you perform. What if he doesn't like what you come up with? Is he going to give you a post-coital critique? If you are already not sexually confident then his demands serve only to turn up your anxiety. He's a terrible partner.

 

It's ok to want to try something different. But he's going about it in the worst way.

[Wiseman2]

What is it he wants you to do? bjs?

My boyfriend told me that he's fed up of doing the same routine when we have sex and that it's not varied enough. He won't be the one to vary it he says I have to decide what I want to do and do it.