QueenK Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Hello sweet people, I ended up on your website because I've been trying to make a decision regarding an ex and I've been trying for two weeks now. Now, as I sip my tea and close my journal, I realize that it may be better to ask advice from people who have no other choice but to be objective. Let me break the story down for you real quick: I met my ex when I was 18. We dated for 6 years, which makes me 24 years old. When we were dating for a couple of months he found this list my gay best friend made in my phone, listing everybody I had once kissed. It was a rainy sunday afternoon and he was bored and I forgot he even left it in my phone. It had guys and girls (my friends who I drunk kissed from time to time). Please note this was ALL before I met him. He freaked out about the list because it had some guys who lived in the same city and he wish he had known before hand. This made me extremely insecure. He told me he needed time to think about whether he wanted to stay with me or not. It took him like a week to decide he didn't want to end the relationship, so I spent the years after trying my best to make him more comfortable with "the list" and trying to comfort myself too for feeling so insecure and guilty about it. After all, he didn't feel insecure on purpose. As the relationship went on, I found out he had been texting girls behind my back, lying to me about it and he kept on doing it after he promised he wouldn't. I stayed because I tried to see it as a way of coping with the list. So it became a on again/ off again thing while we were trying to figure stuff out. But in the end, we really, really tried but couldn't stay away from each other. When we were almost 6 years together he confessed to me (on our first vacation ever together) that he had cheated on me when we were together for 3 years. I freaked out and he confessed everything about his feelings, his insecurities and all. When we came home I didn't feel like he was putting in enough effort to make things right and told him to go live at home for a while so I could figure things out. He did amd I started to party a bit with my friends. He couldn't handle that and freaked out on me after one party telling me how " I knew he couldn't handle me going out while dealing with the stress of our relationship" and broke off all contact with me. It leftme broken. After this, he started going out himself. I contacted him trying to get an answer as to why he was doing this to me while going out himself. He just kept on blaiming me for the way he was acting. Eventually I told him to off and have a good insecure life. Now, two months later he wants to go for drinks for "closure". Reading this back, the only reaction I imagine you guys will have is "Are you insane, you crazy, desperate little girl". But after all is said and done, this is still the guy who I have given 6 years of my life to. It's hard to break up fighting and not look back and think "I couldve said or done this or that." Also I can't figure out why he would want closure if we haven't spoken for two months and I can honestly say I am well on my way to full closure. And I am just really curious to see if I can find a way to turn this conversation about what I did around to a poweful statement on how he messed up. So basically, the questions are; 1. Do you think I should go? 2. What do you think his reason is to go for drinks? 3. What would you say to take control of the situation and put him in a position where he can not avoid the level of ed in which he ed up? Also, sorry for my english if it's bad, and please be honest, I have a ton of friends who give me excellent advice on everything but maybe all I need is to hear honest opinions of people who have been in this situation in mine or his shoes. Thank you in advance! *Gets more tea to drink while reading your advice* Link to comment
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