Has anyone ever had an ex come back?

[whoami33]

I would like to know your guys stories of how you rekindled a broken relationship (:

[limichelle]

Sorry I haven't. Personally I feel they are an ex for a good reason. There are those rare stories you hear of lovers being reunited but it's very rare for a reason. Most majority of exes were never meant to stay in our lives. They were there to teach us what we want and don't want for our next relationship.

 

Lisa

[laylabug]

This was actually my ex boyfriend, not current. Me and him grew up together, our moms were best friends. We attended every party, every event together, from birthday parties to coming out (society acceptance) balls. In middle school, (7th and 8th grade) our moms really pushed us dating. It felt so natural, we knew each other so well. We dated frrom 7th to halfway through my sophomore year. But the amount of pressure our families forced upon us and our relationship strained it. It made it less enjoyable and thrilling. One day, I found out he made out with another girl at a party. He was bored (which does not excuse it). I was devastated, and that was the end of our relationship. He apologized millions of times, but it just want right anymore. We still had to hang around each other because of our families, and it was very awkward. Then, one day at a very boring event ball thing, he walked over to me and started a conversation. We made small talk, and he asked me to leave with him (to grab dinner somewhere else) this was 2 months after our breakup, and I wanted to see what he wanted to say. It turns out he had his grandparents 2nd cabin set up for us to spend the weekend without the pressure of parents. He showed me a journal he had kept, ever since we were best friends, dating, broke up etc. I saw how sorry and upset he was. Nothing sexual happened, it was just a blissful escape with someone I loved so much. We got back together and dated five months after. He moved to Texas, and we both knew that it wasn't fair to the other to have a hard, long distance relationship and eliminate other opportunities. I met my current boyfriend, fell in love with him, and my ex is one of my best friends. Our friendship, not relationship would've been the greatest loss.

[Casual]

Yep! I've had 4 major ex bfs and all have them returned, whether I broke up with them or they broke up with me.

[MissCanuck]

Only one, but it was not a relationship I wanted to fix.

[angrythoughts]

Yup. Boyfriends that broke up with me 5 months ago, leaving me in utter mister for 2 months, came back a few days ago. He told me he wants me back and he's sorry for not realizing how great we were sooner. I guess all that space made him see that I'm the one he wants to be with. I still love the a-hole so I'm going to give things a go and see what happens.

 

Every one of my exes have come back except for one. They always come back lol.

[bbogdanov]

Yup. Boyfriends that broke up with me 5 months ago, leaving me in utter mister for 2 months, came back a few days ago. He told me he wants me back and he's sorry for not realizing how great we were sooner. I guess all that space made him see that I'm the one he wants to be with. I still love the a-hole so I'm going to give things a go and see what happens.

 

Every one of my exes have come back except for one. They always come back lol.

 

Wow! I honestly am envious Wish that could happen to me, too. I think we men are more stupid though, and we realize we lost something valuable too late

[BeenThereB4]

I've had four exes return. It's no big deal, trust me. These were guys who broke up with me. When they came back, I was over them and didn't want them anymore. I'd had time to think about why those relationships had failed and didn't want any repeats. Good luck!

[Doc Blaze]

Having an ex come back isn't always the best thing.

 

my ex came back and we were really good for a long time and then things went back to the way we were when things were bad,

 

the only thing is I pretty much gave up because I knew what was going on and didn't want to put myself through that pain again

 

to be honest, finally letting go is what actually has made me a better person. I still feel pain sometimes but

 

I am in a way better mood and mind set then I was when I was worried about my ex all the time.

[MrAK]

I'm in the process of getting back together. At her repeated request, we had a meet up yesterday. Long story short, I knew the importance of getting the other party (dumper) to utter the words "I want you back". So I asked her, "do you want me back?". She nodded yes. And I replied, then tell me that. Which she did.

 

That's the really short version. I might write out my story some day on here. She broke up with me in early September, I finally moved out in early November. She rebounded with an ex (best case scenario if I wanted to get her back)... (and that was proven yesterday).

 

We'll see how it works out in the end. I have the ball in my court, could and probably will continue to get back together. Luckily I have moved on in my head to a place where I can think clearly about it all.

[jah123]

Naaah. Well, okay, it happened to me once that somebody wanted to get back together with me but I rejected the offer.

Honestly, I'd that for 9 out of 10 cases getting back together is unhealthy, simply because there's a reason that your ex is not your partner anymore but - it's your ex.

 

I've learned so much from those failed relationship..I have a totally different approach now when it comes to relationships. In some way I'm actually thankful to all of my exes.

[bbogdanov]

I'm in the process of getting back together. At her repeated request, we had a meet up yesterday. Long story short, I knew the importance of getting the other party (dumper) to utter the words "I want you back". So I asked her, "do you want me back?". She nodded yes. And I replied, then tell me that. Which she did.

 

That's the really short version. I might write out my story some day on here. She broke up with me in early September, I finally moved out in early November. She rebounded with an ex (best case scenario if I wanted to get her back)... (and that was proven yesterday).

 

We'll see how it works out in the end. I have the ball in my court, could and probably will continue to get back together. Luckily I have moved on in my head to a place where I can think clearly about it all.

 

What was the reason for breakup?

[MrAK]

What was the reason for breakup?

 

All my fault. Drinking became an issue. Well, lack of eating and then drinking. No abuse, no yelling, just me getting stupid too many times and not keeping myself in check. Suppose the only "blame" I could give her was lack of communication. I wasn't seeing the damage I was doing, would have been nice if she told me her thoughts.

I spent the time we were apart fixing that. Also did the usual bettering myself in general.

[Wiseman2]

No contact until she reaches out and you need to be in AA or a drinking recovery program/group. You can't rekindle anything if what tore you apart still exists.

My ex and I split about 4 days ago.. the first two days I was constantly blowing her up bombarding her with texts and calls and no luck so I just gave up. she's given me many chances to quit my alcohol problem but I never went through with it. She would forgive me and get over it but this last alcohol related argument she was fed up and left me.

[Casual]

I had all my exes except the most recent one come back. Two that dumped me came back, one many years later (although actually he told me he was wanting reconciliation within months of the breakup) and anther who wanted back six weeks after he dumped me. I took that second one back.

 

And it didn't work out. He just was lonely and scared, he didn't want to face his abandonment issues (which he certainly had, and although I think he felt good during the breakup, he obviously hadn't anticipated that I would just walk away when he actually DID dump me...). We stayed together for months afterward, it was awful - I never trusted him but I just SO wanted it to work, he changed himself is absolutely ZERO ways for me, we were never a good match to begin with though, it was never happy from the start and I was never madly in love...but of course, when we broke up I reckoned I had never loved anyone so much EVER. Sigh.

 

It isn't always the greatest thing when they come back, especially when they come back so quickly. When you're in that much pain I think it is REALLY hard to objectively evaluate whether or not they are actually someone that you want. You're just too blinded by grief. Of course, he simply dumped me again a few months later and it was SO PAINFUL the second time. He also was making moves to coming back after, at that point though, I could sense a cruelty in him that I hadn't sensed before - he knew he could do whatever he wanted to me and I would always have him back. There was some awful stuff - sleeping with me as and when he pleased, not giving me any indication of whether he wanted me or not...I mean, it was TERRIBLE. It eventually ended because he found someone else, otherwise I am quite sure he would be stringing me along forever.

 

With distance and time, I can truly see that he is TERRIBLE. Like, if he showed up again at my door begging for another chance I would NEVER EVER take him back. I have truly gotten over him, and I have with all my exes. There is no coming back after a certain window with me, which is great because it means I really have processed it out of me

[Trinity11]

Hey Casual. What do you think would have happened with your first guy if he had asked to reconcile a few months after that break up? I think a few years is probably too late unless its many years and you happen to cross paths (as did one of my very good friends parents and they have been together ever since)

[Casual]

Hey Casual. What do you think would have happened with your first guy if he had asked to reconcile a few months after that break up? I think a few years is probably too late unless its many years and you happen to cross paths (as did one of my very good friends parents and they have been together ever since)

 

Some kind of dystopian future, I think...

 

In all seriously yes, I would have taken him back. Our relationship was so ecstatic, when we broke up I became pretty unable to live a normal life again for a while. I don't get like that during breakups anymore. This last one, I barely really felt if it im honest.

 

It would have been a terrible idea to take him back of course, I see that with hindsight, but at the time I would have done anything to be with him again. I actually told him that more recently - that if he had come back to me then, properly, like he was trying now, I would have taken him back. He seemed frustrated with that response. I think he's been wanting me, even if it's only in his head, for a long time.

 

I am so grateful that my life didn't go in that direction now. He's emotionally deficient - like, a lot. I see it now, then I thought it was 'sexy' or 'exciting' - it is such a cliche but a true one, once you're in your thirties you want completely different things.

[mandeelove]

Yes last year I had a bad break up. Dated him a year. He came back several times and we went back n forth contacting 6 more months. In the end he never wanted a relationship again with me and those 6 months tarnished the chances even more than if we just went nc. There was bad behavior on both our parts. It got ugly.

 

Secondly id like to say most of my exes except one, all came back. All diff reasons but one theme....to ease the separation. I noticed that in hindsight. They wanted friendship to stop the hurt from a full break up... This is what i learned. Go nc day one as hard as it is bcuz if u want them back those post months are more important than the relationship u had. U have to remain dateable and take high roads always. Even so, they might not return but theres a higher chance i think bcuz u look sane and able to carry on without them. People like that and steer clear of desperation. I wish i followed this advice but ive learned now.

[lostlove76]

Never allow yourself to be demoted to "friends"! Never allow them to come back and use you for an ego boost or to rid them of their guilt. Just a word of caution.

 

I've had lots of exes come back, usually when I was either way over them or smart enough not to get tangled up in them again.

 

Long ago, there was one guy I dated for 3 months. I got frustrated because he didn't seem to be taking it seriously, so I broke it off. He told me to call him if I changed my mind, but I never did, even though I really liked him. One year later I ran into him at our mutual friend's house, and we immediately picked up again and ended up in a year-long relationship and living together. I broke up with him again because he wasn't giving me what I needed. He moved back home, 3 hours away. A few months later his friend told me he was thinking of moving back here and was not happy, but he never called.

 

My last ex came back over and over. He was the definition of a commitment-phobe. All the love was there, but he kept making false promises and wouldn't take it all the way, so I had to find the strength to drop him for good. He kept calling for a few weeks but I wouldn't answer. He finally quit calling and let a married chick move in with him. That lasted ~4 months, and then he moved on to another girl, then another, and now probably another. We haven't spoken in 8 month now. It's pretty much killed me, but I'm finally starting to feel a little more okay.

 

One guy who I dated briefly when I was 17 years old tried to apologize and take me out and treat me properly some 20 years later, but I wasn't interested and put him off.

 

They really do all come back (well, most of them), if you let them.

[Wolfshook]

I had one ex trying to come back after my breakup last year.

 

It seemed ok, untill she moved back home and started making bad decisions all over again (drugs and overall reckless behavior). We werent dating,but we were in fwb arrangement during those days. I just couldnt let myself be dragged into such unhealthy situation.

 

When I look at my friends that got back with their exes, I notice how unhealthy those relationships turned out to be after a while.

[GeekLover]

I reconnected with an ex at Christmas. We dated in high school for 3.5 years and broke up first year of university. We reconnected in 2001 for a few weeks while he was in town, then didn't talk again until the beginning of December 2016. He was the dumper, but I reached out to him because I'm going through a new break up and just seemed to gain the confidence to actually contact him. It turns out he's going through a break up as well. Anyway...he lives on the other side of the country, but came to my area to visit over Christmas. We reconnected, went out, slept together, and parted ways again...however this time we have still kept in touch at least. We chat several times/week now. He was my first love...first everything. If he lived here, I could see myself really pursuing him, but he's not. Lesson learned: Break ups can make you do crazy things. Breakups can dig up loads of emotions that were not dealt with from previous relationships.

[Retrovertigo]

I know this thread is a few weeks old but I figured I would add my experiences. When I was was going through the worst part of my most recent break up I was searching for posts like these constantly in the beginning. Just don't let other people's success stories give you false hope in your own situation. Everyone's are unique to themselves.

 

And yeah I still come on here periodically, not so much for my own situation anymore, but to see if I can help anyone going through their own sh*t show. Which I haven't replied to a post until now.

 

I did start a thread a few weeks ago regarding my ex (dumper) not giving my house keys back. If anyone reading this remembers that post, she still hasn't given them back. I followed through on most of the advice that was given though. Just no keys yet.

 

I will only be sharing my experiences from my LTR's. I have had multiple short term relationship dumpers come back. Any woman I've dumped, I never went back. Here goes!

 

 

1. 4 1/2 year relationship. Dated from high school through college. She was the dumper (GIGS). I bugged the piss out of her for weeks and then found out about the new dude. I went 100% NC. It was easier back then because there wasn't Facebook or any of the multitude of avenues for contact we have now days. I think all we had were pagers then, so no texting etc. Long story short, she came back about 6 months later and wanted to reconcile. I politely declined. We are friends on Facebook today, but I don't have any interaction with her. I hold no ill feelings towards her. I would never take her back if asked.

 

2. 8 year relationship. She was 21 and I was 27 when we met. She was the dumper (GIGS). We had just had a child 6 months earlier when she left, so I had to have daily/weekly contact with her the entire time during break up. We had both kind of checked out of the relationship years before in retrospect. I did try and fight to get her back for a little while and to this day don't know why, other than my child. She did come back around the 5 month mark. I took her back but it was not good. I had changed myself for the better in many ways. She became a negative and violent person. We lasted 3-4 months before I ended it. Our only communication now is strictly about our child and it will remain that way. She has not tried to come back and there is no way I would EVER be in a relationship with her again. I feel bad for my child is all.

 

3. 3 year relationship. She was 27 and I was 35 when we met. This woman was "the one" for me up to this point in my life. I still view it as the best relationship I've been in regardless of the situation. She dumped me at the beginning of December (fairly fresh) but remained living in the house for 2 1/2 weeks after, and we went on like normal as if we were a couple during that time. Reason for break up? Not totally sure but I have my ideas. I initially got the "isn't happy with herself" answer. I'm not really worried about it now though. It is what it is. Yeah, the first few weeks to a month were absolute hell. She never saw or knew about that though. I never did the crying/pleading but did let her know my feelings towards her and the situation early on. There have been one 2 week and one full week chunks of NC but it's mostly been LC, to the tune of me getting texts from her more on the daily side than the weekly. I rarely initiate contact. The contact doesn't bother me, partially because it's all positive conversation. I've accepted it and have bettered myself in many ways already in a fairly short period of time. She on the other hand is a complete mess and actually tells me about it. She lost her job recently because of the toll the break up is having on her. Seriously. That should be me (the dumpee) right? From almost day one I have been getting a ton of breadcrumbs and more recently half loaves thrown at me. We met yesterday (her request) for beers and it went very well. I have no expectations either way at this point though. I'm continuing to be positive and better myself regardless. Is a recon attempt from her possible? I'd say it's looking likely so but obviously I'm not her so I can't say for sure. Would I take her back? I wouldn't be opposed to a second chance but right now is way too soon for both of us. Even more so for her. Even though I would like her back I'd have to decline if she were to ask now or any time soon. Strange how things work out sometimes.

 

As you can see I've had success at having dumpers coming back with NC, LC, and constant contact (CC?). I think any of the routes taken can differ for each person and each individual relationship. There isn't ONE true way of doing things after a break up in my opinion. Ya gotta asses the particular situation you are in at the time and go from there. The only definite thing in my opinion is truly coming to grips with the break up, accepting it, and being fine with any future outcome. Better yourself regardless. Acting like you are over the ex and are this brand new confident person won't cut it for yourself, your ex, or even someone new. You have to actually BE those things for anything good to come out of it.

[Retrovertigo]

I feel like an idiot a little bit. I didn't give any specific information as to how my relationships were "rekindled". I would say most of the time it was the ex (dumper) making more contact and definitely requesting to hang out more and more. I really don't have any juicy details to give and I apologize for that. From my post above...

 

1. She called me to catch up, then requested to come over and hang out. One thing led to another and after all that was over with, she said she thought she made a mistake leaving me. I said I thought it was the best decision for the both of us and she then agreed. So yes, she came back, but we didn't get back together.

 

2. That situation was different because we saw each other all the time. Her advances were through text or in person, normally coming on to me in a sexual manner. Until she flat out asked me if we could try things again.

 

3. Don't know yet with the most recent one. I'm in the process of it right now and letting things run their respected courses. You never know where things could go, or even stop totally at this point. A ton of text expressing emotion towards me, bread crumbs? When we are in person, she stares at me a lot. Copious amounts of eye contact. Some physical contact. Longer than normal hugs. Compliments galore. Texts ten minutes after we depart from each other saying it was great to see me and she "definitely want to see you again. Soon". Multiple times. Who knows.

 

That's all I have for that.